OCD, anxiety, something else?

kmlkjh

I was treated for PPD with counseling and several different drugs and combos starting March 2010 through December 2010, when I just stopped both drugs and counseling suddenly and without regrets. It was rough at first but I hardly have any bad days now. At the time I was only told PPD, not anxiety of anything else.

The only thing to have stuck around since my daughter's birth has been this need to get up and make sure all the doors and windows are locked, even the second story windows and balcony door. Even knowing that I just locked them and went upstairs to the bedrooms, sometimes I can't help but come down and check again and again. Some nights I'm not even able to stay asleep because I need to get up and check the locks at random times during the night. At the very worst, I have gone up and down the stairs 5 times in a row (a few minutes between trips) to check and re-check the locks. Then there are times where I can go days to weeks without doing more than a double check before going happily off to bed. (Double checks were normal for me long before even getting pregnant...) If I ignore the urge to get up then I get myself worked up and won't go back to sleep until I've gone through the pattern of checking the locks.

I have been trying to figure out a trigger for the behavior but I'm coming up blank. So maybe knowing if it's just a a form of OCD or anxiety or paranoia I will be able to tackle it and control the urge. Any ideas? My therapist and psychiatrist both knew of this issue and I think one of my drugs was an anti-anxiety drug, but I don't recall the urge to check locks getting easier to ignore while I was on medications, nor did we ever discuss this in any detail with the therapist other than that it disturbed my sleep. Even a sleep aid did not help me get past the urge to get up and check the locks...well maybe it dulled the urge enough so that one or two checks was enough, instead of the usual 5-6 checks.

Anyway, does any one have advice on what could be triggering this or some other cause or name to put to this? I kind of feel like if I can just put a name on this I can learn to control then conquer it like I did the depression. Thanks for reading to the end, even if you don't have any ideas.

ladipale

I am *not* an expert or medical professional, but it does sound like some anxiety causing an obsessive behavior. Is it after particularly exhausting days? Or if you didn't get much sleep the night before? Does is happen on days you are busy and out and about? Or on days you are home most of the day? Triggered by a tv show or movie?

Does your DH know? Can you have him go double check the windows/locks and report back and trust him? I find that when my anxiety is bad, I send my husband in to check the baby, or the locks, etc.

Sorry you are going through this, its tough.

kmlkjh

I'm almost positive it's not TV/movie related. It's either toddler age cartoons, Pixar/Disney movies or the news (and we haven't had a spike in crime or anything of a very violent nature plus I only really focus on the weather, the rest is mostly just background to me). I don't like most of the violence in movies so I don't watch them nor do I read scary mysteries or horror stories, unless the setting is obviously not in anyway related to my life like in science fiction novels and even then I avoid the violent stuff. 

I've rotated between charting sleep for several weeks then energy level/tiredness trying to find a pattern but maybe that is too simple. Maybe it's a combination of some or all that you mentioned: sleep plus trying day or busy day, etc...I guess I could manage to chart my whole day from the night before all the way through the next night. 

I kicked my Ex out when LO was 4 months old (and magically the depression was suddenly very bearable and in fact not so bad...) but even if he was still here, he wouldn't cater to my anxiety/obsessive behavior. He would tell me to suck it up and deal with it because we locked the doors and windows the first time. The one time I genuinely thought someone was in the house, he refused to wake up and said it was my imagination. Since lights do not turn themselves on, I went out with a baseball bat only to find my cat tangled up/playing with a cord that had managed to wrap around a rotating light switch knob and turned the light on. Ex was already snoring by the time I got back to the bedroom. 

wendymichelle77

I have very severe OCD, anxiety with panic attacks, and major depressive disorder.  What you are describing does indeed sound like OCD......especially the checking behaviour.  I have not been lucky enough to deal with my OCD without medication.  I take Luvox, which is mainly for OCD, and do quite well with it.  You may want to check that out.  Also, if you are against medication, there are several workbook type things that you can get at the bookstores to help you deal with and try to work through the obsessive behaviours.

kmlkjh

Thanks for letting me know about the books. I'm going to try some extreme charting to see if I can identify a trigger, then I'll give the work books a shot. I'm not opposed to meds per se but I had finally had it with the psychiatrist telling me that the "drugged" feeling would go away with this different med or that med or just more time.