Am I being cheap??

daisybride78

So I have a mother's helper/babysitter who started helping me out when they boys were about 13 months. I was in my first tri, exhausted, and just needed someone to play with the boys for a couple of hours twice a week. She was 13 and in 8th grade, and I paid her $5/hour to play with the boys while I was home. No diapers, feeding, naps, etc.

Now that she's been with the boys longer, I've left her for an hour or two while I run errands. But, I still schedule her around just play time. She's never fed them or put them to bed. I think she's maybe changed their diapers twice. When I left her home with them, I paid her $6/hour. 

Over the weekend, DH and I talked about using her more often since she is home for the summer and since she is now 14 and going into hs, paying her $7/hour. Well, today I got a call from her mom who said she wanted to talk to me about something because her daughter was uncomfortable bringing it up with me. Basically she said that now that she's not a mother's helper anymore, that she thinks I should pay her more. At first I was like, "oh, dh and I were just talking about that, and we think she's so great blah, blah, we would like to offer her $7/hour." And her mom said, "well were were thinking more like $9 or $10."

I was totally caught off guard and said something about talking to my husband and then I would give here a call. Now, her mom was nice as could be about it, but I couldn't help feeling a little irritated once I hung up with her. I just feel like 9 or 10 dollars an hour is A LOT for a 14 year old to ask for. Especially when her responsibilities are pretty limited.

Be honest, do you think I'm being cheap?  Should I just suck it up and pay her what she wants? I really like her a lot and she is great with the boys. It's just that feeding them is a big task, and I honestly don't think she'd be able to handle it.

If you can share any insight or experiences, that would be great!

SpinningJess

Well it sounds like you are still intending for her to be just a "mother's helper" if she won't be in charge of feeding, bed, diapers, etc?  If that's the case, then I would just explain that while she is just there during playtime and you are home you feel like $7/hour is acceptable, and maybe offer to pay the $9/hour if you leave her alone with them?  Just a thought....

leviandlandensmom

$9-$10 an hour for a 14 year old to be making is a bit much. I'd compromise and make it $8 an hour. I'm sure she (or her mom) would be fine with that.

rmcrae

I think since there are two, her age doesn't really matter.  I think 9 or 10 is fair for the number of children.

That said, if she is doing more "mother helper" things maybe agree on one price (like the 7) and if she is more babysitting, then agree to pay her the 9.

While I get that she is young, if you are entrusting her with more responsibility she should be paid.  I don't think you'd offer so little to an 18+ yr old.  MH has always overpaid our sitter.  It is annoying, but she is usually ready and willing whenever we ask, knowing she will make good money.  Maybe that is worth it in the end to keep her in your back pocket the older she gets.

juliannat

Maybe it also depends on what the COL is in your area? Where I live, a 14 yr old could work at the mall and make $10/hr, for example. I like pp's idea of paying more when she's left alone with them...and I also agree with other pp that paying well will pay off in the long run!

vlahop

Ditto PP about the cost of living.  That would not be enough pay around here, but we are in the Boston area. 

CaliDutchGrl

I have two thoughts about this.

 1. I think $9 or $10 would be overpaying her to be a Mother's Helper. She is 14 years old and can not get a job at McDonalds or a Mall job. Even working those type of jobs she would probably only make around $8 an hour plus being getting taxes removed from her paycheck. Plus, because of her age you are not able to take a tax deduction for childcare (I really don't know how this works...)

 

2. On the other hand, I pay my Mother's helper $10 an hour but she is 17 yr old and she has to drive 20 minutes out to my house. Figuring that she is spending $3.60 a gallon on gas, I want to make it worth her trip. But I only hire her for 2 hours once a week, so $20 total.  She is a relative that I completely trust and I feel that I am partially paying her because if anything happens she can call her Mom, My Aunt, or her Grandma and I would completely be okay with that. 

 Oh, but my SIL pays her 12 yr old neighbor only $2 an hour to be a Mother's helper. That price is pretty common around here because again they are 12/14 yrs old and they can't go out and get a "real" job.

fadedfiefly

I don't think you are being cheap but in the state of NM minimum wage is $7.50 an hour do you know what it is in your state? Would you be willing to offer her that? We have a babysitter who helps out with my 21 month old boys, Macon and Corbin. She is 14 and we pay her $7.50 but she has more responsibilities. I am expecting our third child and I don't even know what to do once we have three kids that need a sitter, whew!! Good Luck!!!

aprilsarahjune

juliannat:

Maybe it also depends on what the COL is in your area? Where I live, a 14 yr old could work at the mall and make $10/hr, for example. I like pp's idea of paying more when she's left alone with them...and I also agree with other pp that paying well will pay off in the long run!

This.  Where I live, 7 dollars per hour is a great babysitting job for a 17 year old even.

teresadrew17

I pay $10 an hour for a 16 year old to watch my one DS. She usually comes over and puts him to bed 30mins later.  Most babysitters I spoke with make $10-$15 per hour for 1 child.  I plan on paying $15/hr for all three of mine.  If I was home, I'd pay her $7/hr.  I'd just ask around in your area to see what other moms are doing.  GL!

OrangeSmoke

I see that you are in Chicago, which I guess will be the same COL is metro NY area?

I pay $10 an hour for a 16 year old to come over and watch tv while the boys sleep.  She's thrilled to do it - so I think I'm over paying her.

I pay $12 an hour for the boys' dc teacher to babysit the boys during bbqs at our house.  I feel like that's a bit on the low side, but she does get to eat/swim while the boys are napping, so it's kinda fair.  If she had to "work" the entire time, I would pay her $15 an hour.

Hope that helps.

benkari

I pay $3/hr per kid so if my sitter has the 4 I pay $12 which is really good in this area.  I do day care and if they were in my day care they would be paying me $10/hr for 4.

amanda31H

First of all- it's RIDICULOUS that the mother would call you.

I was a mother's helper when I was around 11/12 for a family friend and started baby sitting when I was 13 up until I went to college.  Not one time did my Mother ever call anyone to discuss salary.  And she wouldn't have even if I asked her to.  You're hiring the daughter, and even if she is 14, she needs to discuss any salary requirements with you.

Here's a link for a babysitting rate calculator that was featured in Parent Magazine.  Someone on here posted it when I asked how much I should pay a sitter.  It starts at sitters age 18 and up- so you can low ball it a bit from there.  It said in my area that someone who was 18 with 0-1 years experience would be $11.75/hour.

Plug that in for your area and see. 

Minimum wage in Illinois is $8.25 (I think - looked it up quickly).  At 14 you likely can't get a job at the mall because you are too young, and that's what she'd start at. 

atc282

No, you're NOT being cheap with her. I really feel it's the Mom that is asking for more $ for her daughter, not the daughter "feeling uncomfortable asking for more $." Guarantee you her mom got to talking with other moms and found out other's daughters are getting paid so and so and "it's not for even twins"----BUT--what I bet the other girls don't know is that:

*** you have very minimum responsibilities with your LOs when she's watching them (i.e. she barely changes diapers, she doesn't feed them, bathe them, etc. ***

That in itself would make me justify that she doesn't need $10 an hour. She's 14 and has it pretty easy with your kids. The only way I'd up her wages to that is by:

1) Raising your responsibilities/expectations of her--i.e, now she's gonna have to change diapers, make and feed the kids meals, etc.

2) Have her clean what they mess up/ rinse dishes and bowls and cups they use and wipe down highchairs,etc.

So I would call back her mom and tell her that you pay an older sitter XX amount b/c she has more experience, has more responsibilities with your LOs (and specifically tell what expectations you outline for the other sitter), and you aren't at home when the other sitter watches your kids like you often are with the 14 y/o. As a mother's helper you migt want to compromise for $8 and I'd STILL add on some more responsibilities. By doing that, you're helping her learn how to EARN $$ and not just assume you make more (after mom makes a phone call).

GL!!

Leigh71

The going rate where were live is min. of $10 an hour... for 1 kid.  If they drive, I pay 12/hr so there is extra $ for gas.

I think if you are leaving her alone in care of the kds, then she is no longer a mother's helper.  If she is cleaning up after the kids, etc. I think a little more would be nice.

Rangergal9

I got paid 10/hr to babysit one child when I was 14 and that was 16 years ago!  Maybe pay her $8/hr when you are home, but $10/hr when you are out running errands because then she really is the babysitter and not just a mother's helper.

daisybride78

Thanks for your responses ladies. It's interesting to see how the cost of child care really differs from place to place. I guess it is just hard for me to justify as much as she is asking for, because it's not all that long ago that I was babysitting (in Chicago) and was a teacher with a college degree and only got paid about $12/hour. To pay a 14 year old just a little less than that just seems ridiculous, and frankly, I guess it's not worth it to me to have to pay someone $20 just so I can run to the grocery store and do some laundry. I know $20 doesn't seem like much, but it really adds up. I did some talking to other moms in my area today and it seems like $8-$10 is the going rate for a high school student. I will definitely talk to my sitter about added responsibilities, but honestly, it just makes me nervous. Don't get me wrong, she is very good with the boys and enthusiastic about caring for them, but meal times are difficult. Sometime I struggle to get the meal made, the boys fed and the kitchen cleaned up while still staying sane! 

I am in the Chicago suburbs, and while it is a HOL area, we don't exactly live in the fanciest of neighborhoods. It is definitely a middle class hood.  

piccolina09

Think long term here, if you really like her, she may have 4 more good years of service for your family before she leaves for college.  I have twins babysit our babies and we pay them 10 bucks an hour, they split it. I had a 17 yr old babysit and we paid 7 bucks an hour, both amounts were what they had requested.  I think having a rate when you are in the house and a rate when you go out is fair.  I would say 7 when she is there, and 9 when you are out. That way, you are meeting her and her mom in the middle.

MrsLnt

I know others have already chimed in but I think it's high.  I live in a relatively LCOL area but I was paying an RN that was a recent grad $10.50/hr to help me with 2 feedings/day and be here while they napped so I could run errands.  She said that's how much she made while working in the nursery in a hospital while in nursing school.  

I do think that if she wants more pay, it should be more responsibility.  

MamaCrystal

Sheesh!  When I started out babysitting, I made $1 per hour, per kid.  When I was 12, I was babysitting 3 kids at once (by myself) for $3/hr.  Looking back, those parents had it made ; ) 

I think your $7/hour is fine for a mother's helper.  She's pretty much just there to play with the kids and be an extra set of hands.  It's good experience to introduce her to the world of work responsibilities and caring for others.  If I was the mother of a 14 y/o right now, I would not expect them to make more than that for the type of position you're describing.  I feel that at that age, they're working mostly to gain responsibility and a little spending money.

 

janjag

atc282:

No, you're NOT being cheap with her. I really feel it's the Mom that is asking for more $ for her daughter, not the daughter "feeling uncomfortable asking for more $." Guarantee you her mom got to talking with other moms and found out other's daughters are getting paid so and so and "it's not for even twins"----BUT--what I bet the other girls don't know is that:

*** you have very minimum responsibilities with your LOs when she's watching them (i.e. she barely changes diapers, she doesn't feed them, bathe them, etc. ***

That in itself would make me justify that she doesn't need $10 an hour. She's 14 and has it pretty easy with your kids. The only way I'd up her wages to that is by:

1) Raising your responsibilities/expectations of her--i.e, now she's gonna have to change diapers, make and feed the kids meals, etc.

2) Have her clean what they mess up/ rinse dishes and bowls and cups they use and wipe down highchairs,etc.

So I would call back her mom and tell her that you pay an older sitter XX amount b/c she has more experience, has more responsibilities with your LOs (and specifically tell what expectations you outline for the other sitter), and you aren't at home when the other sitter watches your kids like you often are with the 14 y/o. As a mother's helper you migt want to compromise for $8 and I'd STILL add on some more responsibilities. By doing that, you're helping her learn how to EARN $$ and not just assume you make more (after mom makes a phone call).

GL!!

ITA with all this.  Very well put!

Goodness $8 tax free for a 14yr old is very fair!  The girl could've asked how she could EARN more.  And if she'd asked her mother about making more money the mom should've discussed how to approach it. 

I like the 2 pay rates depending on what she's doing. 

LoveTX

Wow, her mother has some balls. I would never ask someone to pay my 14 year old $9 or $10/hr (tax free) especially as a mother's helper. I pay my high school babysitter $9/hr to watch my 3 year old twins and I am not even home when she is here.

Honestly, I would be hesitant to use her now because I would feel uncomfortable about the situation. I hate ackward situations.

CaliDutchGrl

I seriously feel that if you ask an older high school age girl or college student to watch your twins for $9 or $10 an hour tax free...they would jump at the opportunity. I guess being out in the "real world" you know what a great deal that is! Plus, you will gain someone with more experience and maturity.

 

 

cookiemonster03

I think $10/hr to be left alone with two awake babies is reasonable. If she was there through nap or part of the evening (not putting them down) I think $7 is fair.