What are the rules for talking about TTC

DINK2010

For years it seemed like you don't tell anyone you are trying to conceive or pregnant until you are past the first trimester. I got married at the same time as a bunch of girl friends three years ago. All have at least whispered about TTC soon. I know my DH would not want me talking about TTC with my friends because they are gossips, but he also wouldn't be happy with ANY of our brunch or mani pedi conversations LOL 

BUT I do want to keep this to myself. I feel like that is the "proper" thing to do, and that's why I joined the bump.  Is this old fashioned? I don't know, I am really confused I guess. I am just surprised by how many friends are just throwing it all out there. 

blindvictory

I don't know that there's a standard protocol for discussing your TTC decisions, but I'll tell you about ours. DH and I decided to tell very, very few people, for one reason. Pressure. The more people know about it, the more pressure there is to conceive RIGHT NOW. And while we'd love to get pregnant right now (or four months ago, really), that's not entirely in our control. People can't wonder what's taking so long if they don't know we're trying in the first place.

As for telling people after the first tri once you're actually pregnant, that's just because of the risk of miscarriage. I personally won't tell the world until I'm at least 10 weeks, but probably more like 12. I don't want to have to "un-tell" everyone if I miscarry.

cjpreuss

I haven't told anyone except my VERY best friend that we are TTC. If it takes awhile, I don't want people knowing and I also want it to be a surprise for our families. 

megemoney

We are not telling anyone.  Don't want anyone to bug us about it... or constantly ask or any of that.  I broke and told my two best friends, but they have not brought it up since.  My H also told his best friend since I told mine, I am sure they talk about it... but he is not going to bug us about it so I am fine with that.  Just my personal preference that no one knows becasue if we struggle, I really don't want questions about it. 

heather_09_15_07

I never made it a habit of telling other people that I was having lots of unprotected sex with my husband.

siple1am

If you want to keep it to yourself, keep it to yourself. We have told a handful of friends and family, but only people I usually confide in. It's a personal preference really.

lycih

heather_09_15_07:

I never made it a habit of telling other people that I was having lots of unprotected sex with my husband.

Ha!  This is what I want to say to people who randomly ask me.  Especially my MIL.  "Yes, I am having lots and lots and lots of sex with your son.  As much as possible; does that make you feel better?"  I figure maybe she'll stop asking then?

SandNSurf

A few of my close girlfriends know. 

juliane2004

It's whatever you want to do, regarding both TTC & being pregnant.

We have only told about 3 people about TTC but we plan on telling the whole world at 4 weeks when we do get pregnant.

There's not a rule, it's whatever you're comfortable with. Lots of people don't think I should be TTC #3 so soon, so we haven't told them.

eatdrinkstretch

Like PPs have said, you need to do what's right for you (and your husband, obv).  I can only tell you what we are doing - I told my mom (we are really close and I really like having her to talk to), and we sort of told his mom that we "have a plan" so she would stop asking about it.  Other than that, I asked a couple of my close girlfriends who have kids a couple of questions about their ob/gyn practices so I am sure they know it's in the near-term plans.  Other than that, we intend to keep it a secret.  As for once we are KU, we plan to tell our parents early on, but everyone else at about 12/13 weeks.

Good luck!  And remember, you can always decide to tell people later, but you can never un-tell.

cm42878

My DH and I are a pretty open book, my BFF and cousin know that we are very actively TTC. We told my parents we will not be doing anything to prevent pregnany but they don't know we are doing OPK, BBT, EOD sex or any of that fun stuff. Not only do I not want to talk about having sex EOD with my mom but I also don't want her expecting a monthly announcement. MIL doesn't have any clue other than she hopes we make her a g-ma sometime. She is very caught up in herself so we won't have any problem waiting until 12 weeks to tell her.

 As of Sunday I am no longer drinking, not because I think there is anything wrong with it. We are social drinkers and had discussed what we would do when I get a BFP to explain my sudden not drinking. THis seemed to be a simple solution for the time being.

nola 1017

Until recently, no one knew. But we got pregnant and then suffered a miscarriage. As we were leaving the office from giving blood to confirm our loss, we ran into our friends who were leaving the office from giving blood to CONFIRM their pregnancy. And then another friend guessed it because I wasn't drinking. No one has really asked if we are going to try again, but I'm sure they assume we are. The friend who is pregnant gave me her leftover OPKs. She's the only one who knows for sure that we're jumping back on the horse.

UFToby

We told our close friends and family because we had been so exact in not wanting kids we didn't want everyone to think we had an oops when we get pregnant.  I didn't plan on telling anyone when specifically we were going to TTC but my DH has an enormous mouth and blasted it off to everyone so that cat was out.  A few rude people made big statements about how we surely would get KU'd with a girl the first month and now M/C seems to be the conversation of choice for no apparent reason.  In hindsight I kind of wish we hadn't told people when we were TTC but just said that we were now talking about having kids someday.  Good luck

MickeyM04

Dink, I totally think it's whatever you are comfortable with.  DH and I are an open book (more so me, but he pretty much is too).  Plus I only really have a few friends anyway (I'm the type of person who has like 4 close friends and that's it), so they're the type of people I would tell/want to talk to if we had trouble TTC.  That's kind of how I look at it in terms of everything TTC and pregnancy related.  I'm sure if and when we get pregnant I will tell some people before the 12 week mark, but it would be the same people I would want to cry on their shoulders if I had a M/C.  So it's kind of like, if you don't want to share the downside (trouble TTC, m/c etc), then you probably shouldn't bring it up in the first place.  Just my opinion. 

Mrs.Umm

The first rule of fight club, I mean ttc, is don't talk about fight club, er...ttc.

Seriously though, you have to do whatever is comfortable for you. I don't think there's any rule about what to talk about. That said, I don't really make a habit of publicizing my sex life.

brookelynpaisley

I don't think it's old fashioned to want privacy. We didn't make it public to our friends at first right away, either. There are times I still wish I hadn't told anyone. At the same time, with having TTTC, it's great to have the support. I'm even more open now, because I realized how lonely I was when I felt I couldn't talk about my fears and worries, and if I can be open about it and someone can feel less alone, I'd be happy about that.  It's a trade-off sometimes, and I think only a couple can decide what's most important. People are going to ask and be nosey whether you're open about your plans are not - it just becomes a matter of whether or not you're going to indulge them

DBoo0510

For me, we just started yesterday so I havent really told anyone except my BFF. I know she can keep a secret and has 2 young kids so I wanted her advice. DH wanted to tell his family yesterday but I told him it would be best to wait. I dont want to get people excited when it could take awhile. Its hard keeping the fact that we are TTC from people because its exciting to me. However, my sister told everyone she could when she got pregnant twice and both ended up in MC so I definitly dont want that to happen either.

Wild_flower25

Its just a matter of what your comfortable with sharing.  I didn't want to tell anyone because I don't want anybody asking before I'm ready to tell, if and when it happens.  But DH told some of his friends at work and I think a few people we are close to suspect it, but we don't talk about it.  That is also why I like this board! 

DINK2010

eatdrinkstretch:

Good luck!  And remember, you can always decide to tell people later, but you can never un-tell.

I love this! My MIL has been such a B since we got married about when we are going to TTC, and I have joked in the past that we should just tell her we have been trying for years, so she would shut up and not ask (i think she would be embarrassed to ask about any infertility) I finally just stopped talking to her, it was too much. She really 180d on me, as she used to be awesome before she became obsessed with becoming a grandmother.

Thanks for all of the advice, and I am going to remember this "un-tell" advice!! So great. I am sure some close friends will know, of course they would be the same girl friends I would call if we MC.  

honeybunches101

Whatever floats your boat!  Some of my friends don't mention anything at all about it until they're in their 2nd tri, others have been very open about TTC.  A friend recently had a misscarriage and I think she was glad she told people so we could be there to support her.  I'm definitely more open, I've talked about TTC with a few friends to get advice about OPKs, charting etc, but I haven't made any sort of announcement.  DH and I were pretty open about wanting kids soon, so most people can probably guess.

DINK2010

heather_09_15_07:

I never made it a habit of telling other people that I was having lots of unprotected sex with my husband.

 Love this too.  

Thanks MissMusic, I love your alias too - I need to change mine, DINK (double income no kids) is going to change soon  

Mother Meghan

I really don't think their are rules because every person is different, but I have told a few very close friends and that is it. I mainly told these people because they are also TTC and would understand my frustrations and small victories. I have seen many people open up about it and received unsolicited advice until their ears bled.

I did however, want one or two people to know in case something goes wrong. It sucks going through a loss of any kind without any kind of support system.

teachergal05

I think it's totally up to you. We haven't told anyone that we are planning to TTC soon and don't plan to even after we start trying until after I'm pg.

Having said that, while at the dr's office the other day to have my IUD removed, the nurse who checked me in was a girl that used to go to my church. In fact, I still have her daughter in my sunday school class. (She and her DH split up and he still brings the little girl to church when he has her.) She just started working there and obviously knew why I was there from my chart. She was like "I'm so excited for you to have a baby!" I made sure to tell her we weren't sharing it with anyone so I'm hoping it can stay a secret.

Kristinmo

We chose not to tell anyone last time and we are not going to tell anyone this time.  I didn't want people paying that close attention to my ute until there was something to pay attention to.

LillyGrrl

We actually only started telling people when we were ttc #1 after we had been trying for a quite a while.  My mom knew because I talked to her about it but no one else really did.  Then after a while it was just easier to let folks know that we were having issues.  It actually made it a lot easier after that and people were genuinely overjoyed when we did get pg.

Now that we are ttc #2 we only told my mom and my DH's sister- no one else knows. The reason for that is we don't want anyone to get over excited about it.  Last time we were determined to do just about anything to have a baby- this time we are putting it at a year cap and we're not willing to go as far as last time (it didn't take much last time thankfully) and i don't want people to be disappointed if at the end of a year we throw in the towel.

adamstodrake

DS was a surprise, but we told everyone pretty much as soon as we found out that we were pregnant with him. Our friends have been asking lately about when we are going to TTC #2 and we've told them we'll start trying in August... very honest about it. Family knows as well and are really supportive about it. I am afraid that if TTC takes a while this time around I'll get sick of questions pretty quick, but if that happens I brought it on myself by being so open.

SMann814

Only my best friend and of course DH know. I have no intent on telling anyone else not even our parents because I don't want to deal with the questions or talk. Don't plan on telling anyone we are KU until after first tri and when that happens it will be parents and close friends first and then let it spread by the gossip fairys.

Stormy8881

Only my 2 close friends/co-workers know we are hoping to start trying this fall or winter. Other than that we don't plan on telling anyone (including family) until like 8-12 weeks along. Even then we only plan on telling family until we are totally past the 1st trimester and then we will be announcing to the world! I'm looking forward to it!