Does anyone else feel alone in their circle of friends?

celestialnyte

DH and I were the first of my friends to get married. And the first ones TTC. Is anyone else in this situation? I feel like I have nobody to commiserate with (at least not in person ... you ladies are phenomenal and its another reason I can't wait for the meet up at Mohegan!!). When I try to talk to my friends, they just look at me blanky like I've grown 6 heads or begun to speak another language. So I've pretty much stopped talking to them about TTC because I know that they're not really interested in it. My BFF is awesome, and she asks, but I know that she's not really 'there' with me and is only asking because it's important to me.

 

Anyone else? 

blindvictory

Very much so. I'm the only one in my circle to be married, and definitely the only one TTC. A couple of my friends know we're trying to get pregnant, but there is no way they can truly understand, since they haven't experienced that themselves.

Oem617

I do understand how you feel. My two closest friends are single and happen to live 16 houses apart from each other. I live about 15 min away. They see each other everyday and do things I wish I could do more often. The bottom line is that I am married and have a husband to spend time with.

I am realizing now that it is okay that we are in different places in our lives. They are still great people and I love them dearly. I would not change being married and TTC for anything. It is hard to sometimes be jealous of the way they are living their lives, but I have things that they do not have, such as a husband.

SheenaNash1

I definitely know how you feel. Most of my close friends already have kids, but my very best friend is single and when we talk about TTC its very uncomfortable. She's worried that everything will change and I will have no time for her anymore. She doesn't understand why we started TTC so soon after getting married and just doesn't get it. My friends who have kids don't really understand actually TRYING to get pregnant because they just up and get pregnant without trying. So they don't get charting, temping ,etc. A lot of them have those wise words of advice "just relax!" and then I want to strangle them. 

SmileyIsMe

When I got pg, I pretty much lost touch with the few friends I had, and when I had my DD, I stopped seeing all of them except my BFF who is also married and on this board.

I'm not someone who needs lots of friends since I am close to my family and DH is awesome, so it doesn't bother me. Chances are, once you have a baby, you'll likely befriend other moms who you can relate better to.

It just happens when you get married young and your circle of friends are not on the same page.

bulldogmom4

You are definetely not alone on this!  All my friends have children already and are even done having kids (tubes tied).  Neither of them ever "tried" to get pregnant so they have no idea about charting, BBTs, OPKs none of that.  So it's really hard because I have no one IRL to talk to about it.  That's why I joined the board

outrunthemoon

I feel the same way. We aren't the first to get married (we aren't even married yet) but we are the first to TTC. We were the second to live together and after we did it seemed like everyone hopped on the band wagon of moving in together. So far this hasn't been the case with TTC. lol but only a couple friends know.

Although I do have one friend with a child. Her little girl was an oops so she doesn't really understand the whole TTC thing and tells me almost everyday (I work with her) that I'm trying to hard etc.

 

This is why we have the bump!

BTW, hopefully I'll see you saturday?! 

BlueEyeZ1981

I have the oposite problem.  All my friends are pregnant or already have their kids.  DH and I did things different than most of our friends they all had their kids then got married.  DH and I got married, bought a house, and I finished my MBA and now we want kids.  We started trying during the last year of my MBA program knowing it could take a while but not realizing it would take this long. 

They all just keep telling me to quit trying and it will happen or that it will happen when it's meant to happen.  They don't understand when I tell them that I'm not even ovulating so I can't just let it happen.  They never had to try to get pregnant they just got knocked up accidently.

celestialnyte

michyme123:

I am in the same boat. My one friend who is married has no interested in TTC. All my other friends are either single or soon to be engaged/younger than us by a year or 2.

I also stopped talking about it to them because they will say things like: "why do you want to try already? It's gonna change your life and you won't get to travel as much" etc etc.

I know it will change but I want it to. I can't wait until they all get married.

I do talk to one of my girlfriends about it though since she is excited to have a baby as well, but she is only getting married in 10 months so she won't be trying for another year...

 

This. This is what I hear ALL THE TIME. About how its going to change my life and how Im not ready and how DH and I have so many medical issues. Part of why we're TTC NOW is that we DO have medical issues that may make TTC later SO difficult. 

I wish that people didn't offer their advice when I didn't want it. I don't offer up that DH and I are TTC, but I don't hide it, either. I don't want to lie if I'm asked, though. But when I tell the truth, thats what I tend to get. 

celestialnyte

SheenaNash1:

I definitely know how you feel. Most of my close friends already have kids, but my very best friend is single and when we talk about TTC its very uncomfortable. She's worried that everything will change and I will have no time for her anymore. She doesn't understand why we started TTC so soon after getting married and just doesn't get it. My friends who have kids don't really understand actually TRYING to get pregnant because they just up and get pregnant without trying. So they don't get charting, temping ,etc. A lot of them have those wise words of advice "just relax!" and then I want to strangle them. 

This. My BFF I know was worried about me not having time for her when DH and I got married in Feb. And I think that its the same thing with us TTC. I know that theres some jealousy that all this is happening to me before her, as she was more driven to this kind of thing than I was. But that's life. When we went to buy my wedding dress, I made a remark about how planning the wedding was going to be stressful (she was my MOH) and she looked at me and said "Well we can't all be lucky enough to be getting married." After she said that I kind of stopped venting to her, even though I felt I should have been able to since she IS my BFF and I've known her for 14 yrs. I feel the same way now .... I just don't feel comfortable venting because she's NOT going through it and I think theres jealousy. 

Ellis31

I am right there with you, even though I'm older (31) I am one of the only ones in my group of friends married & TTC. It's hard sometimes to feel isolated in that way, that's why I love this site, it really helps me to realize there are so many women that are going through the same things that I am.

celestialnyte

outrunthemoon:

I feel the same way. We aren't the first to get married (we aren't even married yet) but we are the first to TTC. We were the second to live together and after we did it seemed like everyone hopped on the band wagon of moving in together. So far this hasn't been the case with TTC. lol but only a couple friends know.

Although I do have one friend with a child. Her little girl was an oops so she doesn't really understand the whole TTC thing and tells me almost everyday (I work with her) that I'm trying to hard etc.

 

This is why we have the bump!

BTW, hopefully I'll see you saturday?! 

I will be there!!!! (Hopefully right around 3 ... I get out of work (supposedly) at 3, but I'm hoping I can speed up the clean up process!

ashmarie22

Ellis31:

I am right there with you, even though I'm older (31) I am one of the only ones in my group of friends married & TTC. It's hard sometimes to feel isolated in that way, that's why I love this site, it really helps me to realize there are so many women that are going through the same things that I am.

 

This sums it up perfectly.

justjess17

We are in the same boat...my DH and I are the first to get married. One friend has a little boy but he is two now, he was not planned and my friend is now single, so its a totally different than our situation. When I told her about us TTC, I thought she would be excited for us, but she told me horror stories of her two year old. Gee thanks....

We had a BBQ a few weeks back and all of our friends there we talking about doing a big group vacation next summer and I said "Sounds great!" My sister jokingly said, "Unless you have a baby before then!" (She does not know we are TTC, musta just been a good guess) One of my friends looked at me horrified and was like, "NO! You can't have a baby yet, you just got married!" (I've been married almost a year, dated for almost 10 years before that, we both are in mid twenties, have good jobs, own our house and want a baby, but that doesn't matter I guess...) Needless to say, I did not tell her when we decided to TTC, nor will I look forward to telling her once I actually do get pg. Haha

They are all just in a different place than we are, so its nice to come on here and get info or share.  

dogparkdiva

I feel the same way.  My 2 bf's are pregnant.  One is in early labor now and one is due in October.  My SIL is also due in July as is another friend.  Another close friend just found out she is pregnant and is due in February.  We have been TTC before all of them got pregnant.  I am excited for all the new babies but also a little sad that I am not joining the group.  And, on a selfish note, I also feel a little scared as to what will happen when all the babies come and my husband and I are still trying?  I hope not.  I don't want my friends to feel uncomfortable around us.  On a happier note, my bff will have a baby by Friday and I am excited to meet the new edition. 

branwen5

This sounds like me too.  I was the first in the family or friend group to get married and first TTC.  I have since started branching out to other people and making new friends in various stages of having a family.  The one that bugs me the most was my BFF.  She's very against me TTC and not quiet about it either.  It hurt a lot at first and we have since grown apart.  I decided that a BFF should be somebody who is supportive and loves me no matter what stage of life I'm in.

Lilac33

Yes, I kind of have both ends of the spectrum. I was the first one of my friends to get married (most are still VERY single), and now the first TTC. DH is 7 years older than me so all of his friends are married and have at least one kid. It's strange whichever group we happen to be hanging out with...we just don't quite fit in either!

Joon11

I used to feel this way all of the time. I was the first to get married. (Young at that). and first to have children. I will say (with having kids), I have also "expanded" my group of friends and made friends with other mom's. Now, (I'm not going to lie), but my mom friends are my favorite.

CarolinaGirl82

I'm sort of on the opposite end of the spectrum, I'm one of the only people I know who *doesn't* have kids and is actually having to work pretty hard at making a pregnancy happen.  Most of my pals has at least one--many have multiple--child(ren), and were able to get pregnant very easily.

I will say that being open about the fact that we're having difficulty conceiving has let me in on a whole group of friends that I never knew took a long time to get pregnant.  I've had five different friends open up to me about their difficulty conceiving and it definitely made me feel like less of a freak.  But then there are times when I've got birthday parties for the under two set and baby showers every weekend of the month and I absolutely start to feel very isolated again. 

Milliways

The opposite...most of my friends have children, some have highschool aged children! Most of my friends did not "try" to have children so they don't understand my frustration in not getting or staying pregnant.

LegallyBlonde217

Milliways:

The opposite...most of my friends have children, some have highschool aged children! Most of my friends did not "try" to have children so they don't understand my frustration in not getting or staying pregnant.

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