Vent about dh (long)

Beach_Bum718 · June 2011

I introduced myself a few weeks ago, my husband and I are on our 9th cycle trying for baby #1. So lately and I think a lot of you can relate it seems like everyone and their best friend is getting pregnant or just had a baby! Case in point my bff and my cousin are both pregnant with their first and I was am so happy for both of them. I will admit after I found out about both of them I was disappointed and called my hubby and cried a little. But they never knew that and no one knows that we've been trying for this long (My bff thinks we've been trying for only 2 months).

So fast forward to this weekend, my hubby and I were driving home and he tells me that his sister found out she's pregnant. Which in itself is great and I am very happy for her but here is where I get upset. I knew that his sister and her husband were trying for a baby and lucky them they got pregnant the first month. I'm upset because apparently my husband told his sister and mom that I was upset about my bff and cousin getting pregnant and they all decided to wait and tell me about her pregnancy. So I've seen his sister and husband like three times and nobody told me she was pregnant. I feel like his whole family has been talking about me behind my back and acting like I'm some delicate flower who can't handle if someone else is pregnant! I tried telling my dh that I may get disappointed and cry around him but I'm not going to do that around other people.

I don't know how I should feel, I was so upset yesterday after he told me and maybe it's just because I want to be pregnant so bad Am I wrong to think that dh should have told me and not told his family about me crying to him about other friends pregnancies?

salt78 · June 2011

I think you should let this slide. It sounds like he was just trying to protect your feelings.

delphinus12 · June 2011

I understand where you are coming from, but it is also very thoughtful of your DH to consider your feelings. Sounds like he just wants to protect you and that was the only way he knew how. Cut him a little slack but also tell him where you are coming from, without being angry.

Sweets11 · June 2011

It sounds like his heart was in the right place, so I'd let this one go. I do understand what it feels like when people are tiptoe-ing around you. It just adds to the frustration.

ccam · June 2011

Sweets11:
It sounds like his heart was in the right place, so I'd let this one go. I do understand what it feels like when people are tiptoe-ing around you. It just adds to the frustration.

Yes

JessicaJeanne · June 2011

I don't think your husband should have told his family that you were upset when you found out about the other pregnancies. That was something that happened in private and he shouldn't have told anyone. I cried on Saturday to DH after we found out her sister is pregnant with their second (and they weren't trying), but he would never tell anyone about it! I would be very po'ed if he told anyone.

I also think that it's ridiculous that they aren't telling you about the pregnancy...you should just congratulate her and tell her how happy you are for her. It might be funny to see her reaction since she doesn't think you know, IMO.

Sidenote - I hope you get your BFP soon!

DChunt09 · June 2011

Sweets11:
It sounds like his heart was in the right place, so I'd let this one go. I do understand what it feels like when people are tiptoe-ing around you. It just adds to the frustration.

Yes This.

Ellis31 · June 2011

Sometimes men don't think things through completely, that being said it sounds like he was trying to shield you from feeling upset. I wouldn't get upset with him he probably thought he was doing something nice for you.

Just let him know next time you would rather know the truth, but keep in mind you'll have to take in the news and not get too upset about it. Hope you feel better

SmileyIsMe · June 2011

While I don't think he should have told his family about you being upset, I think he did it with good intentions. So, cut him a little slack, but let him know for future reference that some things are meant to stay private.

Hope you get a BFP soon!

ne14pez · June 2011

Although I do believe he was trying to protect your feelings, I would be very upset with my husband had he done the same. Trying to get pregnant and it not happening right away is hard enough without having your personal feelings aired between everyone else. First of all I hate being treated like a social pariah and not allowed to know information just in case I get upset. Yes I will be happy for everyone, but I will be upset for me and that won't change whether I find out now or you hide it from me for 3 months. Chances are waiting and making me feel stupid will make me more angry then if you had just told me the truth. I would feel the same as you and that they were talking about me. But I am also paranoid. I would just sit down with DH and tell him that I thank him for his concerns and understand his intentions were pure, but it hurt my feelings that he thought I couldn't handle it. I would then try desperately to drop the issue as there is no use talking it over to death. (been there, done that). Just know you are not alone, and as dh have no idea how to "fix" this they try things that they think might help in an effort to make it easier as he felt that is one thing he could do for you.

Belizelovers · June 2011

I think you should let this one go.. I will tell you that my DH has not been sensitive at all about my feelings about not getting pregnant.. His Best Friend and his wife told me they were thinking about trying and within two weeks she announced she was pregnant. It is not that I am not happy for them but when I couldn't believe they got pregnant so fast he seemed to get annoyed when I was asking questions about it. I would be grateful for some sensitivity

yunk11 · June 2011

I think it's sweet that they are watching out for your feelings. I'm sure they just care about you and don't want to see you hurting in anyway. Maybe, just let yh know not to tell people next time. (Sometimes you have to be very clear with men, they don't anyways understand private moments should stay private)

MrsDizzyku · June 2011

I can see where you would be bothered that he told his family about something that happened between the two of you, but I don't think it's anything you should hold against him. It sounds pretty clear to me that he had your best interests at heart. In his mind it probably went something like this: Pregnancy announcement=wife hurt and crying=bad thing to be avoided=tell people not to tell wife about pregnancy news.

He was trying to protect you, just let him know you appreciate that he's thinking of you but not the spread of info, and move on.

Beach_Bum718 · June 2011

Thanks ladies. Even as I wrote it I started to feel like I should just let it go there is no sense in dragging it on. I guess I just feel kind of stupid that I was left in the dark about it. DH and I are very different about our personal lives, his family tells each other EVERYTHING and I am very private so it's been a struggle for both of us. It's very hard to explain to someone that some things are private between a husband and wife when they grew up with a family that has no boundaries.

MidaComida · June 2011

I think you should talk to your DH about this. Although I am certain that his heart was in the right place, he should be aware of how it made you feel. In our family we have a rule: what happens at home and behind closed doors stays at home. This goes for arguments as well. You want to be able to feel comfortable enough to vent to your partner and know that regardless of the intentions, the conversations will be only between you two.