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Baby Showers
Ms.Jade
member
Guest at baby shower today. Registry Ignored.
Ms.Jade
member
in Baby Showers
I was a little surprised that so little had been bought off of the registry when I went shopping yesterday but I hoped that people were waiting until this morning to shop. Nope. She received sooooo many little cute outfits for her baby girl, but only 4 things off of the registry. This just bothers me. I know it's the usual way of stuff, but why do people think you would prefer yet another pink dress instead of the stuff you actually asked for? So bizarre.
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Re: Guest at baby shower today. Registry Ignored.
Ugh!!! I just wrote a novel reply and it got lost!
Why a novel? This is one of my biggest pet peeves!!!
This happened to DH and I when we were getting married. We both lived with our parents until the wedding and we were remodeling our first home. So obviously money was tight and we were hoping on getting some thing for the house through registeries...you know things we NEEDED (towels, sheets, dishes). We ended up with a huge box of scrapbooking supplies (I don't scrapbook), a boat load of drink mixes (we don't drink), naturally a million photo frames, and a ton of other 'fun' things people thought were good gifts.
I've always thought (and correct me if I'm wrong) showers were to shower the person/couple with things to prepare them for their new chapter in life?
When my SIL had my neice the same thing happened...no important registery items were bought (sheets, nail clipper set, bottles, etc)...just millions of baby clothes. My neice had a closet full that never got touched. I feel some guests are selfish. I hate when people ignore the registery to get items they think are good ideas or items that catch their eye. If you want to get a baby gift of something cute fine. But showers aren't cheap to put on and you're invited to help out with the cost of having a child. If the parents still have to go out and buy their entire registery because you think a newborn sized easter dress is a good idea what did you contribute?
I feel like an ungrateful *** for saying all this. But I agree with you, it is bizarre. It's like it's turn from showering with needed gifts to seeing who can get the biggest "awwww" when the present is opened.
The Bee Hive Blog
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
25 Weeks - GOAL MET 52.2 Pounds gone! 27 Weeks Total Pounds Lost: 54.0
It's no one's responsibility but the parents-to-be to provide for their child. Showers are gifts given to you but ultimately it is YOUR job to prepare for the baby. And yes, you do sound ungrateful.
The Bee Hive Blog
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
25 Weeks - GOAL MET 52.2 Pounds gone! 27 Weeks Total Pounds Lost: 54.0
Wow. People are selfish because they bought you something? It's not the guests' job to go out and buy your entire registry. Why would you think you wouldn't have to buy anything for your baby? Why is it other people's responsibility to "help out with the cost of having a child"?
Of course they do - that's their OWN shopping list. If someone chooses to buy something from it, fine. I don't generally use registries; if I know you well enough to be invited to the shower, then I generally know you well enough to buy you a present without taking dictation to be your personal shopper.
The Bee Hive Blog
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
25 Weeks - GOAL MET 52.2 Pounds gone! 27 Weeks Total Pounds Lost: 54.0
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I feel the exact same way. When I shop for a wedding or shower, I always try to get as many things off the registry as my budget allows -- even if that means I'm the one buying all the $2 items. People register for a reason...
I don't mind this so much when it comes to a bridal registry, because usually the couple is registering for things they like or need around the house. Or, if someone adds a little something extra that caught their eye to the baby registry gift... But for a baby, the parents are registering for things that, presumably, they have researched and evaluated for safety and function. I hate when someone decides that they think the stroller they like is cuter than the one the couple registered for and therefore it's a better gift. Or, they've registered for things that are relevant to the way they plan to raise their child (BFing vs bottle feeding, co-sleeping or bassinet, carrier or not, etc...).
This. In fact, I think for these very reasons we plan on buying all the necessities ourselves (well, MIL and grandmother have asked to purchase the stroller and car seat). I'll still have a registry for my shower, but I see it as being more for the completion coupon than anything else.
No, you are not invited to help with the cost of the baby. The cost of the baby falls on the parents, showers are if you want to contribute and then it is up to the guest to decide what they want to contribute. The registry is a wishlist of things that are OPTIONAL, not mandatory. And if they decide that a cute easter dress is what they want to get then they just contributed clothes. Be grateful for a shower and all the gifts that a shower brings b/c not everyone gets a shower.
Wow, I am overwhelmed by the sense of entitlement. A baby shower is a gift to the mother to be. Anything that you receive at the shower is also a gift, a bonus to what you, as the parent of the baby, should be providing for your child. The giver can give whatever they want, it is not their job to contribute to the money pot needed to raise your child. Just because you want/ask for something doesn't mean you will get it, that's life. Anything you need, get for yourself.
And, if you are rude enough to throw your own costly shower to get all of these things that you need, how about using that money to buy the things you need for the baby instead?
For real, if I were a guest at your shower and I knew you had this horrible attitude towards getting GIFTS from your FRIENDS, I'd probably not go. It's not my job to support your child.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
Blah.
SO and I went into this with the idea that "We are the ones that want the baby, therefore we are the ones that should purchase the items for the baby....not rely on other people..."
We do have a registry, but it is all for little things that we would like and are all under $50 (mostly they are under $25....). Everything else we have purchased either secondhand or new with coupons and sales to help with the cost. If we get them at the shower that will be awesome, but if not, we will just go in and get the most needed items right away and purchase the other items as time goes on. People keep saying that there is not going to be anything to shop for if we do most of it before the shower, but I don't want to miss on good sales/deals/promotions on items we need during the 9 months of pregnancy just to wait for the shower and find out if we did/didn't get the item...and then have to pay for it full price because there isn't a current sale.
One of the things (with our friends and family anyway) is that if you are Team Green, you will get more gear than clothes because people don't want to buy you tons of gender neutral clothing. We are Team Green, so most likely people will stick to our registry. Every shower I have been to where the mother-to-be has known the sex.....they get tons of clothes. Which you know what, that is the gift-givers right to get whatever GIFT they want for the baby.
I shop depending on who the mother-to-be is and what is on the registry. If I know the person and I plan on spending a lot, I will go off the registry and buy something big or a lot of the small items that are important. If I am not planning on spending a lot or I am not very close to the mother-to-be, I will buy something off of Etsy to support a WAHM. Like I am going to a baby shower for my SO's friend's wife....I see her once or twice in the summer but I am not really good friends with her (mostly just going because her husband and my SO are good friends). I ended up buying a really cute hooded bath towel with a cute pink/green owl on it....and had the baby's name written inside the owl in purple. I am going to throw some soap/lotion in with the gift. It wasn't on the registry, but it is something cute I could get for $30 that was more exciting than getting her one crib sheet and a pack of diapers......or another pink outfit (which I am sure she will be getting a lot of!).....
I personally hope that my shower guests buy from our registry mainly because times are tough right now. I just graduated from college (again) and have not been able to find work (over qualified to work retail but not enough experience for a position in the field that I graduated in) and my husband has had his hours cut at work.
When I shop for showers I like to do both... I for sure get something that they had on their registry and depending on how much was already spent, I will get something else that I think is necessary or something cute that I think they will like.
I grew up in a home where money was extremely tight and every last penny counted, so only useful or asked-for gifts were given (not much fun as a kid, but w/e). Maintaining an Amazon gift list is actually a requirement for the adults, and the kids write letters to Santa.
Some of these criticisms of the poster make me laugh. I really wonder how many people who are against registries or actively don't use them remember writing "Dear Santa, ..." lists? Where you disappointed if one year you didn't get ANYTHING from that list? When your kid writes a list, will you just disregard it and crush their little hearts by not getting them a single thing that they asked for, or would you actually try to listen to them and get joy out of seeing the look in their eye when they got something they absolutely were dying for (and ONLY Santa knew)? And don't give me the "that's life - deal with it" crap. Feeling entitled to get only what you register for is selfish, but buying a gift for only your own satisfaction or out of a sense of obligation (aka ignoring needs and situations) is equally selfish. Being able to put the needs/desires of others in front of your own is what it means to NOT be selfish.
That being said, now that I'm putting my own registry together, I wish that there was a more generic registry. It would be nice to convey that I don't have a pack n play, but would really appreciate one - new or used. With how much effort I've put into setting up my registry and researching everything, I hope that people are considerate enough to at least look at it.
Strumpet, the big difference between us and kids writing a list for Santa, we're not 6! I don't know about this because I'm Jewish, but I'm going to assume that once you hit a certain age, you stopped writing those Dear Santa letters because you were no longer a child.
People don't buy gifts for selfish reasons. If someone goes off registry, they assume that you are going to like what they pick, they may assume wrong, but they are trying to be nice. Appreciate the effort someone puts into getting something for you, they don't have to! If someone asks what you want, that's lovely, but they don't have to get you that specific thing just because it's what you want from them.
A child writing to santa and an adult creating a registry are two different things. As a child it is about the magic of christmas and believing in santa. As an adult who is starting a family you are viewed as being mature enough to have a baby so you should be mature enough to take financial responsibility for said baby.
And when was the last time that you bought a gift for your own satisfaction (what does that even mean)? When I buy a gift I think about the person it is for and imagine them opening it and really like it. I dont buy a gift going "I like this so hopefully they dont and give it back to me."
You also talk about the time and effort that goes into making a registry, well have you thought about the time and effort AND MONEY that goes into picking out and buying a gift? Maybe you should be a little more grateful no matter what you get. Unwanted items can be returned for store credit, exchanged, given to someone who does want/need it or soled at a second had store.
You're comparing an innocent child and a grown woman. My head hurts.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
No, I've never stopped writing letters to Santa, and I never will! It's more fun to not always have everything that you want - it makes you appreciate what you do have that much more.
Gifts that are asked for, personal, sentimental, or "trust me on this one - I've been there" generally bring the most joy and make people feel like a kid again. We all want to make people as happy as we can with gifts, and a registry can be so helpful, so it baffles me that so many people just ignore them.
I'm not saying that I wouldn't appreciate a gift because I didn't ask for it or if it were different than the exact thing I listed. When I buy something for someone else off of their registry, I appreciate the effort that they put in to preparing the list and I find it more rewarding and satisfying to buy something I know they'll use. I would never ignore a registry if I knew one existed - if I'm not told of a registry, I still scour the web to see if there's a secret one hidden somewhere. I'm just baffled that if given the choice between getting something you know someone wants or making an assumption, the assumption wins.
A teacher once said this, and I'll never forget: "When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me".
An innocent child and a grown woman can't get the same joy out of giving and receiving? Both can't have dreams and goals and desires and the right to express them? I'm sorry you feel that way.
You do realize you just contradicted yourself, right? You say a sentimental, personal or "trust me, I've been there" gift is most special, but won't stray from a registry.
If you've got a newbie mom with a registry full of useless crap, you'd waste your money on something she thinks she needs (but doesn't) vs getting her something she does need?
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
:whistles: You're a treat.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
Jeez, we didn't even make a registry because we wanted people to buy us what they WANTED to buy! Whether that be clothes, or gear or whatever! My host suggested we do a gift card shower, but we declined. We want to share the joy of people picking gifts truly from their hearts.
I always try to buy something from the registry and something I think is cute/that they might like. At the last two baby showers I attended I bought:
1) a bunch of bottles and nipples from the registry. Boring, but useful, so I also bought a 3-6 month old outfit that I thought was cute.
2) A blanket and some swaddlers from the registry, and the fisher price seahorse toy everyone raves about.
This way I get the couple something they want/need and also satisfy that need every shopper has to buy what they want rather than what the recipient wants
Jan17 Sept Sig: Pumpkin Spice gone too far
Well, that's what she gets for
a. finding out the sex
b. broadcasting it.
I didn't find out the sex of DS. I didn't receive a single item of clothing at either of my showers. Almost everything came off of my registry.
to quote missyrude, because it appears as though she DD'd her posts,
"I agree. I hate this. I had one relative go so far as to buy me a baby monitor that I don't need, we already got the one we want (if she had gone to our registry she would know this). She provided no gift receipt, just assumed she knew what we needed more than we do. So now we're stuck with a random extra baby monitor that we can't return anywhere, and the list of stuff we still NEED is MOUNTING!!! I can't help but suspect she just regifted this monitor too...who spends that kind of money and doesn't give a gift receipt?"
You can always donate the extra monitor. It's not your guests job to supply your child with everything, it's yours. They are free to buy what they want because they are paying for it. If you don't need it there are tons of people who do. Babies cost money, you shouldn't expect everyone to buy you everything, and you should have money set aside to buy the things you still need.
I was given two monitors as well .OMG the NERVE, like didn't they see I had one?????????. ... I ended up needing two because he naps in a separate room ,and we take it traveling with us so we don't have to unhook the one in his room all the time. People need to get real. You truly don't know what you will need until you've had your little one, and I learned that first hand.
what?!?!!? no! it's not the same. a child asking santa for a toy thinks santa's elves made it! (you are familiar with the santa charade right?) us grown-ups know that people go to work to earn money and with that money buy gifts. dreams, goals, desires...?? Why yes! it has always been my dream in life to have a baby shower where everyone bought me the exact correct gift!!!! I've been dreaming about it since I was a little girl! wtf? what are we even talking about at this point?
We created a BRU registry and Target...but not telling family about Target. I basically added things to them both that I knew we'd be buying and could use the completion coupon. My DH doesnt even want me to have a shower because he "doesnt take handouts". However, he doesnt understand that my family and friends are excited about our first baby. Besides...I have spent YEARS spoiling everyone elses kids...so I want it! lol
I dont expect people to really buy off the registries though...we live in small towns and most ppl live an hour from the stores I registered at. All the older ladies will want to buy whats cute. Im ok with that..they are giving what they feel is important and fun for the baby. If we get things off the registry..great! If not, we'll buy what really will be important for us.
I am glad my DH is planning on buying everything...he realizes how expensive it is to have a baby..and its OUR responsibility to take care of our baby. People that keep getting pregnant or expect showers for multiple kids...thats wrong. I am just excited to have a shower and be with family and friends! I can't wait...but Im not going to get upset over how many clothes or toys we receive. We are going to be grateful for all we have and are given.
That is my fear as well. And now after reading what all of these women have to say I don't even want to attend my own shower anymore. It's two days away and there are 8 things purchased for my registry. Fine whatever but every time I go to purchase something at a store I get, "No Don't you will get it at your shower" Well now, my mom and my mother-in-law have put in a lot of time and spent a lot of money to throw me and my husband a baby shower. My brides-maids from our wedding have spent a lot of time making decorations and now I don't even want to go.
I guess if that makes me selfish then so be it, I just want to set myself up to be embarrassed that nobody is going to come, or that I am going to get a ton of disney princess stuff because this is the first girl in the family since I was born 30 years ago. Then I am going to have to explain to my family in the up coming months why I never put them in "The dress we bought you" because really I needed a monitor to keep my baby safe so I had to return your dress because I can't afford to drop the 2,000 dollars right now to ensure that my baby is safe. Yes I know that it is the parent's responsibility however I was hoping for a little relief when my hours got cut at work because I can't safely perform my job anymore.
I am really looking forward to trying to contain my disapointment when baby gets another dress that looks like the last 5 we opened, which we will smile and lovingly thank. Then it probably will go to salvation army later because she will out grow it before she is able to wear it after all that's what my mom ended up doing with me. This is supposed to be a fun and happy time, way to take the excitement out of it and put the worry and fear back in.
--Scared, Probably Hormonal, and Worried how I am going to care for this child!