Potential or Potentially Bad?

smith486

A colleague at work mentioned to me a little over a week ago that she has a potential contact for me. She said the potential BM has decided adoption would be best considering her age and her life goals. They just weren't sure how the adoption process works and what the next steps are. I was told the BM and her BF want to meet with me and my DH.

So I gave my colleague my contact information to pass along. And nothing. 

I know I will need to wait more than a week. I am sure if I were in her situation I would not contact a potential AP within the week. I would sit on it for a while and make sure I really wanted to even talk to them let alone meet... but I am just guessing because I have never been in her situation and I cannot relate I can just try to empathize.

Anyway... I am getting leery because I haven't heard anything. She is due mid August, so we are getting close to her due date. Less than 2 months to go. 

I am really trying to be "cautiously optimistic" like everyone else on here, but I am starting to second guess myself. Is this really likely to pan out? Due to a lack of any communication is this potential situation more likely to fizzle? Am I "cautiously" getting my hopes up for nothing? What do you all think? Too far fetched to actually happen, or give it more time and stop freaking out over nothing? 

Sorry I am long winded. )

MrsKolasa

I think it has potential, I just wouldn't get too hopeful. However, that is just my personality.

Did you pass along a website or anything that the potential BM could look at to see who you are and if she feels it's a good fit before she contacts you? I guess that would be my first advice, then I would also follow up with your friend and ask about the potential BM to see how she's doing. No strings, just concern.

Hang in there.

amm78

Did you just give her your contact info, or did you pass along a profile or website where they expectant mom can learn more about you and DH?  Maybe if she were able to learn more about you first, it would help her with initiating contact.

MamaB2009

In my experience, potential birthparents found through networking rarely pan out.  Of course, networking is worth it, because there is always that chance that it WILL work out, but your name is out there and given to lots of people who are in the early stages of weighing their options (parenting vs. abortion vs. adoption) and most of them just don't choose adoption at the end of the day.

I hear of probably 6-8 potential situations a year and we only ever had one choose us and it was our failed placement.  The rest have chosen to parent for the most part, one chose abortion, and two waiting too long to make a decision for themselves and their children were forcibly removed.

Nature Lover

I had a very similar situation happen to me very recently. The BM was being induced in 3 weeks, and had only found out 3 weeks before that she was pregnant. She didn't want to/ couldn't keep the baby, and was all about choosing us just based on what or mutual acquaintance had told her. We were excited. We have her our email (made up a generic one without or full names), and a phone # (a pay as you go phone we set up just for that). We were excited, but now its been 2 weeks and we haven't heard anything. She's due in a week or so. So we've written it off. I would say keep your mind open to this match, but maybe not your heart. Networking can be great and can pan out. But you have to be prepared for lots of no-gos. In retrospect, I wish I had a website or something like the other ladies mentioned. I think it would be easier for her to call if she had more of an idea who we are. I have my fingers crossed for you though! How exciting would it be if this was your baby!!!

smith486

I have a profile, but I didn't give it to her in case it would legally bind me to using my agency if this actually works out. I was thinking about creating my own based of the one they created so I wouldn't have any legal obligations based on intellectual property, but a website sounds even better.

I will create a website so she can get to know us better. I was thinking that most contacts like this probably didn't pan out, but I didn't really have anything to reference for that other than the number of girls on 16 and pregnant who discuss adoption but end up not choosing an adoption plan. Thanks for your insight!