When is it good to tell... — The Bump
LGBT Parenting

When is it good to tell...

I posted this elsewhere too... 

We are trying REALLY hard to wait till 6/23, which is when we will have our first appointment.  Most of my family doesn't live near so it has been easy not to mention, however, the other side, they not only have the largest mouths of any family (they are all women, sisters) we see them regularly.  We will be seeing them this weekend for a Father's Day gathering.  I do not want to tell on Sunday, because I do not want to take away from the wonderful men, especially my brother who will be there, and is a new father. But it is getting increasingly harder to not tell.  We agreed to each tell one person, and we have, our bffs also because they will not be in contact with our family as regularly.  But waiting till Thurs. is hard, with everyone asking what we are up to, not having talked to us recently, etc.  We just want to make sure all is well and give an accurate DD considering my cycles (although regular since 13) happen every other month.  The doctor is "guestimating" currently based on missing back in April....  So I think we are just thinking that we could be due in Feb but it could actually turn out to be late Jan as well and want to avoid, "retelling"....

[URL="http://www.pregnancy-graphics.com/"][IMG]http://www.pregnancy-graphics.com/countdown/images/index-Month-2-Year-2012-Day-15-ImageID-3-String-Dylan/Dylynn Arrives.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

Re: When is it good to tell...

  • Well, we didn't tell our families until we were 12 weeks so I might not be the best person to ask. ;) You can talk about what is going on in your lives without spilling the beans! :) Good luck with whatever you decide!
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  • My parents, brother and sister, and a few very close friends know that we're trying, and I'll tell them immediately. We plan to wait until 12 weeks to tell everyone else (including Jen's family).
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  • Ok, that sounds more like what we were thinking about doing, at 12 weeks (assuming the DD remains the same after the appt. next week.)

    My brother is my bff so he knows and Shay's BFF knows.  Sounds good, although, I believe my mother has some uncanny ability to tell.  She knew with my first, and she knew with my brother's wife.  We won't deny if asked, but were hoping to make it through July if we can through next week's appt.

    [URL="http://www.pregnancy-graphics.com/"][IMG]http://www.pregnancy-graphics.com/countdown/images/index-Month-2-Year-2012-Day-15-ImageID-3-String-Dylan/Dylynn Arrives.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
  • We waited until 12/13 weeks to tell my family, except for my SIL (who also has twins and knew we were trying) and her husband (my brother). I'd keep it under your hat at least until you have an appointment, just to make sure all is well.

    I take it by the uncertainty in due date that you didn't do IUI/IVF or something where you knew precisely when you inseminated? Otherwise, you should be able to calculate an accurate EDD on the basis of the insem date. I only ask because we had a few OBs at the beginning who tried to date my pregnancy by LMP (last menstrual period) before they realized we did IUI and therefore already knew when I conceived (those were some funny conversations, lol!).

    married 03/08/08 -- ttc with PCOS (dx 2005) & DS
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    Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
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  • Actually, we were between IUI and DIY with a known donor.  As well, my cycle only comes every other month, so it is very difficult to pinpoint without the appt. (which is Thursday) that will likely  make the time that we choose to tell, a more permanent time.  We would like to wait through July for various reasons.  With our daughter, I was well into my 11th week before we knew so we know the good an appt does us in particular.  The LMP is not anything we can rely on and our doctor agrees.  We did the clinic, till February then went to DIY (give ourselves a break in finances, our anny is in Feb, and my b-day is in Mar).  So we have had a few insemenation cycles.  We shall see on Thursday, we just know that we have to  be around friends and family the next 2 weekends, and like I said, my mom is really good. I am a BIG eater for my small frame, and over the last 2 wks at family functions, I haven't had much of an appetite, my Wife says that's a real giveaway!

    [URL="http://www.pregnancy-graphics.com/"][IMG]http://www.pregnancy-graphics.com/countdown/images/index-Month-2-Year-2012-Day-15-ImageID-3-String-Dylan/Dylynn Arrives.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
  • Not to bring negativity to your joyful news, but just to play devil's advocate: a lot of things can go wrong in the first trimester.  In my opinion, it's best to tell only those you would also want to tell if something went wrong.  I have a big mouth, so I know how hard it is, but the thought of having to go back and let people know that - god forbid - we had lost the pregnancy or something, made it a lot easier to keep my mouth shut.

    On a happier note, my DP and i found it kind of fun to have a big secret just between us for a while. I thought I'd be running ot tell everyone at 12 weeks, but we ended up waiting even longer for most.  So enjoy it as bonding time!


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  • We told early both times. Our thought was that the pregnancy and child was real even if it didn't last and it was worth celebrating and acknowledging with our loved ones. Before I met my wife, I had two losses and both times I leaned on friends and/or family for support. It is a personal choice though. Good luck with the pregnancy and have fun telling, whenever you choose to do so :)

  • I'm 6 weeks and we told both my family and my partners family when I was 4 weeks...once we found out for sure from the blood test.  I know that is super early, but I thought if something goes wrong, God forbid, I will want/need the support of my family.  But, I haven't told many other people.  Now my partner...she has told everyone at her work.  I on the other hand don't want to share it with non-family yet.  I think I'll share it with them after the second ultrasound in two weeks.



  • we told our immediate family (parents and siblings only) early, and some friends knew we were trying so it was hard to keep things quiet. the first time it was fine because everything went smoothly. this time more people than I wanted to know did, especially since I had some questionable beta results. we found out for sure that there was no heartbeat a couple of weeks ago and I finally miscarried last week. next time I don't want to tell anyone except our parents and maybe our sisters until we hear a heartbeat. I can't go through this again.
  • I am sorry to hear that.

    Yeah, we have only told those that will be of great support (our BFF's, which for me, happens to be my brother)  We have our appt on thursday so after hearing the heartbeat and getting the sonogram, we will tell more family and of course ease into other friends and co-workers.  It is our 2nd and we are a little older than before, not to mention, the probability I was given for complications, so we rather not have to share much if God forbid, this isn't viable.

    [URL="http://www.pregnancy-graphics.com/"][IMG]http://www.pregnancy-graphics.com/countdown/images/index-Month-2-Year-2012-Day-15-ImageID-3-String-Dylan/Dylynn Arrives.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
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