DH Vent (sorry I know these are all too common)

darmca

I'm about ready to explode by now and an hour ago he accused me of waking him up because I was having a mental breakdown.

I just got back from driving the baby around for 10 minutes just to get him to go to sleep. He hasn't slept for longer than 10 minutes for 11 hours now and I can't figure out what's wrong with him. I check his diaper, play with him, burp him, feed him, and then put him in his crib like I do every night- within 10 minutes he wakes up screaming. 

This wouldn't be nearly as frustrating if I wasn't 'expected' to do everything around the house because I'm off on mat leave and he's working. In the nearly 4 weeks since our son was born he has not washed a single load of laundry, unloaded the dishwasher once, cleaned the bathroom, or even picked up a broom. Yet when I have a good day I try to help him with his normal duties like taking out the garbage, and I even cut the lawn for him (once I reached a point where I felt it was okay physically for me to do). He doesn't understand that a day like this where I get nothing done makes the next couple days hell- especially with a weekend coming up because he doesn't like for me to do laundry while he is home because it bothers him while he plays computer games. 

If I complain he'll just tell me to ask his mother to come over and help. I don't want to ask his mother for help- I didn't marry her and her well-intentioned help doesn't really help much (today she tried to help me with the laundry and folded all the hanging laundry so I have to unfold it all and hang it- she also left it all downstairs  so I have to leave the baby upstairs and hope he doesn't cry while I lug it all up). 

I have no idea what to do. Vent over. . . 

lindseynicole203

dang hunny im so sry and *hugs* to you!! If I were you I would sit down with your DH and tell him look this sh** isnt gonna fly and you didnt get yourself pregnant. You to are in this together and he needs to help you alot more around the house yes but also be there for you emotionaly as well. Put your foot down and tell him how you want it to be and for the sake of being fair ask him if anything is bothering him as well. Good luck girl and I really hope things get better!! You sound like a great awesome mommy!!

nickelbabi

I get fed up with my DH about helping me around the house all the time, and he already does help, just not as much as I think he should. We've had lots of serious talks about it, even pre-baby, because he always makes a mess and it is like he is blind to it. I could ask him to clean a room and he will miss half of the stuff and think it is done or do his own laundry on occasion, even if there was more laundry to do and room in the washer. I have seriously considered stopping all cleaning related to him, but I think he would let it go months before he would do anything about it.

Now, I mainly have him take care of the baby when he is home so I can get stuff done. Sometimes that only lasts a few minutes if the baby is fussy before he is calling me to help, but it has made him appreciate how much I do and understand why there are some days when I can't get anything done.

You need to lay down the law about expectations, stop doing his chores, tell him he is going to help more with the baby and you're going to do laundry whenever it is convenient for you. I have also lowered my expectations and try not to nag if DH doesn't do something to my standards and have accepted the fact that I am not going to have the cleanest house and it's ok if some things don't get done.