CIO: am I doing this wrong?

MBandBud

We did CIO to get DD to STTN and it worked and fairly quickly.  But to get to sleep on her own, not so much.  If I put her down awake it is rare that she will not cry.  If she is really tired she'll stay laying down, but usually she gets up and screams cribside.  This goes on from 5 minutes to 25-30 min.  This has been happening for weeks now.  We are pretty consistent to just let her scream without going in at all during this time, unless we suspect diaper or still hungry).  We have a fairly standard routine that includes bath then nursing; I usually offer a bottle of bm/wcm after nursing b/c my supply isn't what it used to be but she refuses and also refuses from DH leading me to believe she is not hungry.  She nurses and then will not pull off even though I know she is not getting any more milk but she does these arobics on my body with my breast in her mouth.  Finally I just put her down and we endure the screach.  What can I do to stop ending a good day with this heartbreaking scream? 

dana316

Did you ever hear about the mice that they did the feeding experiment on?  One group hit a lever, and got food every time.  One group hit a lever and food would come some of the time.  The last group would hit the lever and nothing ever came out.

The first group ate what they wanted and then left the lever be.  The third group gave up on the lever almost instantly because it never did anything. 

The middle group hit the lever until their little paws were raw...because sometimes the got a reward and sometimes they didn't.  They had no consistency and it drove them nuts.

The same thing is happing in your situation.  If you let her CIO to extinction some nights, but then some nights you go in...what is she supposed to expect?  She is doing what you've 'taught' her to do. 

I am 150% opposed to CIO to extinction, and HIGHLY recommend Dr. Ferber's book about incremental cying. I will loan you my copy if you want...but please get and read his book, please...it will be worth every second you spend with it.  It has a TON of information in it about children's sleep habits/pattern.  I learned a ton from that book that wasn't remotely related to CIO, and Caroline is a much better sleeper for me having read it.

Good luck!

 

 

MBandBud

Okay, I'm ashamed to say I have the book and read most of it but I am confused.  I thought I read that extinction worked quickest.  And if I don't do extinction then isn't that exactly what the middle group is, where sometimes I go in and sometimes I don't, presuming DD doesn't have any concept of time?  So do I just feel 100% confident that when I put her down I don't go back in, but then go back in after certain time periods, making those time periods longer every night?  Thanks for your input. 

dana316

MBandBud:

Okay, I'm ashamed to say I have the book and read most of it but I am confused.  I thought I read that extinction worked quickest.  It very well might, but I am opposed to it because I believe it is the most stressful and anxiety causing sleep training methods out there.  That's just my opinion, of course...

And if I don't do extinction then isn't that exactly what the middle group is, where sometimes I go in and sometimes I don't, presuming DD doesn't have any concept of time?  CIO to extinction is putting her to bed, closing the door and NOT going back in at all. 

So do I just feel 100% confident that when I put her down I don't go back in, but then go back in after certain time periods, making those time periods longer every night?  This is two totally different things. Putting her down and not going back in at all is CIO to extinction.  Putting her down and going back in at increasingly longer time intervals is Dr. Ferber's method. 

What I was trying to point out with my silly mouse story was that what she is looking for is some kind of consistency.  If you do CIO to extinction one night, but go in the next, then what should she expect the third night?  She's obviously going to cry, thinking that you'll come in like you did the night before.

I think you'll have much more success if you pick one method and stick to it...and obviously, my vote is for Ferber

Thanks for your input.  You are more than welcome...sleep training is soooo hard, one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it was worth it in the end. 

dusk42

We didn't do Ferber, but we only got her to fall asleep in her crib by consistently (like pp said, this is key) ending our routine with putting her in her crib and sitting next to the crib until she fell asleep.  We didn't take her back out of the crib even though she was mad and yelled at us (we did this around 14 months old, so it was pretty obvious that she just wanted out and was mad - we obviously couldn't have done this at 6 months).  She yelled for about 30 minutes the first night, then 10, then 5, then just a little whining as she fell asleep.  

You don't have to do this method, but it's just another example of consistency.  Previously, DH had been holding her until she fell asleep, then putting her in her crib.  If she cried, he picked her back up, etc.  We had to consistently enforce bedtime = crib for many nights until she figured out that we weren't going to pick her back up.  Once you get a consistent method in place (whatever it is), it should be easier.   

Good luck! 

Quizzle

She's showing sleepy signs too, right? What time is she going to bed?

 

Honestly, we had a lot of trouble with DD's going down. Then we pushed her bedtime back some and all of a sudden she started going down without any trouble. Maybe 30 seconds of crying,  but that's it. We also gave her a lovey, which helped.

We don't go in unless she's standing up in the crib.