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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Unpopular Opinion but a question
Why is everyone in such a hurry to get our babies off the nighttime bottle, off the pacifier, on to the next step for everything, etc? I know there are good reasons to get off these things - teeth, etc but sometimes I feel so pressured by other Moms to get my DS to the next step asap.
I know my child is not going to kindergarten with a bottle or a pacifier so why all the rush? Does anyone else feel like they just want to let things happen naturally rather than rush our kids?
I know this will probably create flames but just an opinion! :-)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Unpopular Opinion but a question
For the bottle thing I think every child on this board should be off bottles. Bottle use in toddlers has been linked to increased risk for childhood obesity. Not to mention what PP said that the longer they use it, the more attached they are, the harder it is to break the habit.
Also, the less baby things I have to tote around, the easier my life is. I love that if I forget to bring a sippy cup with me anymore it doesn't REALLY matter because LO is fine with a cup. I want to ditch the nighttime paci for the same reason... if I forget it now, its absolute meltdown city. I want to be free of it and the paci related meltdown. Same with diapers, the crib... He is my baby, he will always be my baby but if I don't need to change his diaper or lift him into a crib that he may fall out of when he climbs, all the better!
I tended to be this way with my daughter - even if I wasn't in a rush, I felt pressure about getting rid of the bottle, how many words she said, and whatever the next stage was. With my son, it occurred to me yesterday that he doesn't really say any words that I can decipher. I wondered if I should start worrying about it or not. And he still takes bottles and I'm in no rush to stop right now. My ped didn't mention anything about it at his 12 month appointment so I figured I'd see what they say at his next appointment.
I am much more relaxed about it the second time around - especially since I look at my daughter and how much I worried when she was still taking a bottle at 15 months, wouldn't poop on the potty until she was almost 3 and was afraid of water on her face for the looongest time. Now she's 7, takes showers by herself, can read and write and is very independent. I'm in no rush with my son.
DD1 Feb 2010
DD2 Sept 2011
This and some things she had to give up for our sanity. Like giving up bottle with fornula, her formula was on recall, we had one uneffected can so we switched. Pedi recommended milk in sippy not in bottle to ease the transittion and it worked like a charm. Same with the binkie, she would wake up 5 times a night trying to find it.
My SIL had that approach -- "I'll just let them decide when they're done with the bottle." She now has a 6 year old that just finished kindergarten that STILL refuses to drink milk from anything but a bottle. That's an extreme situation, obviously, but it just goes to show that some kids never make the choice for themselves...
As parents, I believe it's our job to guide our children. Not force things on them, but we also need to follow cues and be aware when they may or may not have passed the "appropriate" age for certain things.
FWIW, my 18 month old still uses a pacifier in the crib...I'm not sure when we'll take it away, but I'd like to ditch it before he's 2.
I think you are overgeneralizing. My DS is not even on the charts and I tried weaning him...which I have for all but 2 bottles. His Growth and Nutrition Team (which includes a psychologist), including a behaviorist feel that him getting nutrition is more important than breaking the habit at this point. He had a hard time transitioning from nursing so I anticipate we will have some work to do when it comes time but I have no problem breaking him of the habit when his dr. feels it is time. I have no concerns about him ever being obsese and I know that for now, I am doing what is best for my son. He has no problem taking milk from a sippy or straw throughout the day so we never tote bottles around with us. Bottle feeding, in general is linked to obesity but that doesn't keep some from choosing not to breastfeed.
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you're not alone .. dd is our one and only and i'm following her lead for things. she gave up bottles entirely one night on her own. no needing us to wean her off the bottle
. her binkie is for the car and bedtime ONLY, i told her big girls don't need binkies at daycare so she goes w/out and is perfectly fine w/ it. PT .. she's on the cusp of being ready at 2 but i'm not going to rush it.
i'm more than willing to let things happen naturally. there is no rush for her to grow up .. all in due time.
Bar tab = $156,000, Bus to Foxwoods = $0, Puking in the Stanley Cup = Priceless
my MIL's stories
DH used a paci until 5, my BIL the bottle, as soon as my MIL said no more bottle, BIL stopped drinking milk.
DD is paci and bottle free now... I'm not rushing in any other stuff.
I think you need to better define what you mean by early. While I'm in absolutely no rush for DD to grow up, there are certain things that I think shouldn't follow babies into toddlerhood. For instance, call me a judgey b!tch, but if I'm at the playground and I see a kid running around with a paci in their mouth, I do give the parents a mental side eye.
Buuuuuuuut I agree that there seems to be a lot of pressure for our kids to be early-everything. It feels like a huge competition between moms to see who will have the earliest walker/talker/teether/whatever. And THAT makes me sad.
My sister and I were those kids (only at night). You'll be happy to know neither of us currently have one or suffered ill effects from it :P
I'm more like you, OP, I'm in no rush to take stuff away. So far she has given up night nursing and the paci on her own and seems to be moving away from nursing to sleep. It is something some other moms will judge you for, but I don't think there's much you CAN do as a mom without being judged.
LMAO at the quote that bottle use causes childhood obesity. What DOESNT cause childhood obesity nowadays? I'm sure it has NOTHING to do with the fact that people eat more calories, give their kids tons of sugar, exercise less and plop their kids in front of TVs/video games.
To answer the original question, I really dont get why parents are in such a rush to make their kids grow up. I think our society is in too much of a rush for babies to STTN/give up comfort items because it's just more convenient for the parents and that's unfortunate. I disagree with the idea that if you dont wean them young, they'll be too attached and wont give it up later. I know many kids who self weaned off a paci around 2. My DS is beginning to wean himself at almost 18 months. I think most kids will do things in their own time if you let them. I do think there's a reasonable timeframe-if your child nearing kindergarten age and still using a paci/bottle, that's an issue that you certainly need to break. I just don't necessarily think you're doomed if your 13 month old still needs a paci for bedtime and drinks some milk out of a bottle.
I wasn't talking about bedtime, but playground pacifier use......
Either way, I'm don't care how long kids have these things. We got rid of the pacifier two days ago (or something like that), because Natalie was becoming way too dependent on it and would cry for it during play time. She may have a speech delay, so I don't want that thing in her mouth all the time. I would have been fine for her to have it for bedtimes/car times only, but it's turning out that she's an all or nothing kind of gal.
THIS... DS weaned himself off bottles right around 12 months... i'm not too worried about his Binky, he only really ever wants it if he's tired or stressed (like at the dr getting shots) and at bedtime.
As someone who breastfed her child for 25 months, I can assure you that not weaning at 12 months on the dot is NOT going to lead to your child nursing until college. I feel similarly about bottles and pacifiers (even though DD wasn't into them). I know lots of 3-year-olds, thanks to DD, and you can't tell the difference between the ones whose parents made them drop a bottle/pacifier earlier and the ones who took their sweet time.
I wouldn't care so much about what other people do in this respect if everyone else weren't so opinionated about what I do! I had to put up with so many obnoxious comments while I continued to BF DD that it made me want to leap to the defense of anyone who doesn't follow the norm.
Fo' real! FWIW, my DS is pretty easy going. He was never one to need his paci except at night. We transitioned him just fine in other aspects, too. We never really put pressure on him, but we never really had to. I know some very strong-willed kids, where the parents really have to work with them. My H and I know we lucked out and are totally expecting DS#2 to be a terror : )
Go Phils!!
There are certain things that I felt were very important to get DD weaned off of- not only by friends and people on the bump, but also by our pedi. I think everyone wants thier child to be "normal" and not one of those 5 year olds that is walking around with a bottle in their mouth.
The bottle and the paci were the 2 thing that I was really pushing to get rid of, they both ended up being really easy for DD to give up around 12 months. There are other things that I am not ready to give up, I still rock DD to sleep every night, I read her a book and then I rock her for a bit- she loves it, and I love the snuggle time with her, I am in to hurry to give that up.
I do think people need to understand that all kids will do things in their own time. I have found that having close friends with kids around the same age creates a lot of competition- I cannot stand it- people really do need to relax, but understanding that there is guideline when things should occur is good idea as well. By giving up things our kids get to do other things that will help in their development- people should not look at it as giving something up, but rather getting so much more in return.
Attempt at NOT starting an argument because I value and respect people's choices at parenting their own way. However sometimes it makes me sad to see people say "they cant wait to get rid of the baby stuff". I mean, I TOTALLY understand and life will be easier once binkies, bottles and diapers are out of the way. But i also feel like we are parents, we chose to be parents and for 1 small portion of our lives we have some "extra baggage" in order to comfort/feed/live with our children.
That being said i'm in NO RUSH for my baby to not be a baby, this time goes by so fast as it is. Now, dont get me wrong she's been up with the times with just about everything but i'm not pushing her either. When she's ready or when I feel she's ready. Parent leading child but not forcing. Make sense? Anyway, just my 2 cents. I love being a mommy of a baby...and she wont be a baby forever so i'll deal with the "extras".
But we don't have babies anymore; we have toddlers. That's great that you loved having a baby but not everyone feels that way. I love having a toddler much more than having a baby - I thought a baby was really hard and I don't know if I want to do it again. So I don't think I'm rushing DD, I'm just moving her along to the next step at the appropriate time. And she's 2 and nowhere near potty-trained, if that makes you feel better
I honestly feel like children talk more without a pacifier in their face. My niece has a lot to say, but we could barely understand her before my sister took her paci away. I took Asher's paci away during the day...he doesn't even use it for a nap. I will give it to him in the car because he gets car sick and at bedtime...but thats it. Hes learning how to talk right now and I think that being able to communicate is going to bring him more comfort and confidence than a paci. Now, thats my opinion and you shouldn't feel pressured by it. In the end we all do what we feel is best for our kids.
Asher will have a bottle for a while. My best friend's baby is the same age and I know her baby will stop getting a bottle before Asher. But I won't let that affect my decision. Asher gets 90% of his calories and nutrients through formula and will until he is 3 or 4 years old. When he is hungry, with his motor skills, it is faster to get those nutrients through a bottle. When he is older and is better with a non sippy cup, then he'll get a cup.
Just to be clear, my DS does not use a paci anymore during the day or at nap..only at bedtime and only the crib. He uses a sippy cup for water all day and gets his bottle at night before bed. I also disagree with the fact that bottles cause obesity but like a previous poster said, what doesn't cause obesity?
My point is I feel like we as Mothers are always in a competition to see who got their kid off the bottle, pacifier, etc first like it is some badge of honor or something. I feel like our babies or toddlers are getting pushed to the next level so fast and if they are not talking in full sentences, drinking out of sippy cups and God forbid have a pacifier at 19 months at bedtime that we are doing something wrong and our kids are falling behind!
We are going to blink our eyes ladies and these toddlers are going to be graduating from high school...i feel like we need to slow down a bit
Coleslaw- Have you tried straw cups? My kids both got formula in straw cups and did absolutely fine. It's also better for their teeth.
Most doctors and dentists recommend dropping bottle and paci use by 2 or 3 because of developing teeth. Most preschools will not allow your child to have a paci at all past the age of 3. We had a little girl in our 2's class who used a paci at home still because her parents couldn't get her to wean from it. She would have terrible tantrums. They didn't even want to try the paci with their youngest because they were afraid of the same thing happening.
I lucked out because my kids hated bottles and pacifiers so we never had to wean them.
I have, he isnt ready yet...he hasn't figured it out, but I'm going to keep trying with him periodically.
The paci was something that DS didnt have to have, so it wasnt a big deal to get rid of it when we did. He was fully off of it around 9 months. When we would be around family and he would make a peep some members would say where is his paci???? Relax he is a baby and they make noise, he doesn't need to have somehting shoved in his mouth so he remains quiet. When we took it away there were no issues. We probably got rid of it before the real attachment started.
The bottle... at his 1 year appointment the pedi recommended having him off it it by his 15 month check-up. So we started right away and he loves the sippy cup. I love it too because its a much less parts to have to clean.
How will I be with another baby... maybe the exact same or totally different. I think it all depends on the child as well
Oh yeah I totally realize she's not a baby and I LOVE LOVE LOVE the stage she's in now. Much more fun that a "baby". But I still have my moments when I take advantage of a little longer rocking before bed time or snuggles in the morning...because Lord help the teenagers the will become!! ha ha!
Oh yeah I totally realize she's not a baby and I LOVE LOVE LOVE the stage she's in now. Much more fun that a "baby". But I still have my moments when I take advantage of a little longer rocking before bed time or snuggles in the morning...because Lord help the teenagers the will become!! ha ha!
Ideally I would like to be done with bottles before baby#2 gets here but having 1 bottle a day isn't that big of an inconvenience for us so whatever. I think parents should do what they think is best-- they obviously know their child best and it's their right to make decisions about how their child is raised. I think its silly to say definitively that a child should be off bottles by x-age or be done with pacis by x-age. There can always be extenuating circumstances.
See now isn't this funny how things change (I'm "the friend" in this situation haha) Aiden is completely off bottles now but Asher has been feeding himself for months when Aiden would act like his arms were broken. He also will only use sippies without a valve. It just shows that every single little thing is different with every single little kid and all of it is fine