:'( Im so frustrated Im in tears...

#6

Landon is 3.5yrs and still NOT pt'd.  I started working with him when he was around18months old.  He showed signs of being ready because he would go to the bathroom door right after he went.  I started taking him to the potty but he wouldnt do anything.  So, we waited a little while and tried again when he actually would do something on the potty.  He hasnt really made any progress since then.

I know  he knows when he needs to go because he will come and tell me he needs to go and when I take him he does go.  The problem is that he wont do it on a regular basis.  I can set the timer and take him every 20--30mins and he does great.  The first time I dont set the timer and take him he pees his underwear.  I cant send him to preschool in underwear until he is pt'd and he is there 5days a week, from 9-1pm. 

I have tried weekends in just underwear and he doesnt seem to care that he pees them.  I have tried throwing them away (he loves his car underwear and thought he would be upset if  pretended to throw them away)  Nope, didnt care.  I also tried sticker charts, treats, bribes, etc.  I have tried it all.  I have tried getting SUPER excited about it and praised him for it.  I have tried talking to him about it.  He is getting old enough that he understands things and knows he should wear underwear. 

Add in that Im also trying to PT K&K (2.5yrs) and Im in pt HE!!.  My mom makes me feel so bad about it.  My sister, brother and I were all trained before or shortly after we turned 2yrs old.  She tells me that all the time.  Today she was fussing about it again and said, "hes going to be four soon, you have to get him trained."  (he will be 4 May 13th)

It makes me feel like such a failure.  Then I see posts about other kids a lot younger that are ptd.   

Someone, anyone want to take one of my kids and pt them.  K&K pee on command but wont tell me when they need to go. I have done 3-5days in a row setting the timer with them.  Still wont tell me they need to go on their own.   

Im about to give up and say screw it.  They wont wear diapers forever will they? 

r9stedt

{{{hugs}}}

I'm not there yet, but I am sure you are in PThell.

Hopefully, he will want to be PTed if his sisters are PTed.?

*Amy*

Sorry you are going through this. I dread PT.  Anthony isn't ready so we haven't done much. He peed once but not since.  Can you talk to your pedi about it?  Maybe he/she will have advice.

HisBetterHalf

Maybe once you get the girls trianed then L will want to train too.  I know it seems backwards but maybe he enjoys the attention he gets when his diaper is changed.  Since he sees your (or whomever) changing the girls maybe he just wants to be a part of it too?  Just an idea>

Purrrfect433

He's not ready yet. It's nothing you're doing wrong, Lucky. He needs to be physically and emotionally ready. Sounds like he's physically ready because he can do it when you prod him. But, if he's resisting because he doesn't want to, I'd back off and give it some more time. Ben isn't PT'd either. Like Landon, he CAN do it, but right now he is choosing not to. I don't want to make it into a battle of the wills, so we're back to diapers. He will be PT eventually. K & K also sound like they are not ready emotionally. It's fine, I promise. Many children aren't ready until after 3. You are doing the right thing by helping them learn the mechanics of it. As long as you don't mind setting the timer for them, keep it up. Make it something fun and stress-free for all of you. If anyone seems stressed, go back to the diapers for a few hours/days/whatever. Your mom needs to chill and you should tell her so!

Samantha Thomas

((HUGS))  I have no advice but wanted to say my bf ended up pt'ing her 2 year old DD before her 3.5 year old DS.  He just wouldn't pt for whatever reason.  After she got her DD trained he pretty much trained himself.  Maybe you could focus on your girls for awhile and then see if he catches on too?  I'm no expert though b/c I have no experience with it.  Good luck!

LinzDavid

*HUGS*

Don't beat yourself up.  You've got a ton on your plate!!!  Like the others said, maybe get the girls on board first.  Then go back and try with him again.  

debbiej

Have you tried letting your son run around naked all day?  My DS was the same as yours until we finally just let him go naked and after a few days of that (and many accidents) he began to associate the feeling of having to pee with the actual peeing.  I think it was because he could actually see it happening (no underwear to block the view).  It got to the point where he would start to go and catch himself and then run to the bathroom to finish.  We also made him help clean up his messes.

And don't stress about your mom.  For some reason all of our parents seem to believe that we were 2 when we were potty trained.  I am only just now able to confidently say that my son is potty trained (and he is only 10 days older than your son!). The peeing part took a couple weeks for DS (and the naked week made the difference!), the poop was a whole other issue!  Oh, and he still wears a pullup at night because he is nowhere near going through the night dry.  Our ped said they don't get concerned about PT until they are 5.

I know it is hard not to stress about it, but relax and let it happen.  It is the last thing kids have absolute control over and there is nothing you can do but wait it out!

DandR

Purrrfect433:

He's not ready yet. It's nothing you're doing wrong, Lucky. He needs to be physically and emotionally ready. Sounds like he's physically ready because he can do it when you prod him. But, if he's resisting because he doesn't want to, I'd back off and give it some more time.

I hate this thought line....really.

So when teaching your child to use a spoon and they throw it on the ground, do you back off and say "not ready to use a spoon! Don't want to push them!"  or if they accidentally stick the holding side into the food instead of the dipper side..."nope, not ready to use a spoon....I can see physically she can hold the spoon, but emotionally she's not."  and back off for fear that spoon training too early will lead to years laying on the psych couch.

He's ready, I think its too bad preschool won't help. 

I think every minute he is at home though you keep him in big boy under wear.  He has an accident, he helps clean it up, and he changes his clothes.  He will get tired of having accidents that interrupt his play time. 

Don't play any more "throwing your underwear away" mind games.  Just put him in his underwear and be matter of fact about the whole situation. What would you do if he was still a baby and threw his spoon off his tray?  You'd pick it up, and matter of fact say "ok...we don't throw the spoon on the floor" and hand it back.  It's not like you'd say "I'm throwing the spoon away now...shame on you!"

What are you doing with your DD's?  Are they in panties?  Are you taking them ever hour or so?  Are they verbal enough to tell you?  If they aren't then you will have to just take them every hour or so until they are verbal enough.

 

DaiLyght

I'm sorry you're feeling so frustrated. Just remember that boys take longer than girls. It's not uncommon at all for boys to start PT at age 3, and most not be fully trained until 4. So try to remember that every child is different and he may just not be fully ready yet. My son is slightly over 3 and he's not as well off as yours is. I can put him on the potty and he knows how to push to make himself go, but he can't tell me when he feels the need to go, so unless I take him every 20 minutes, he pees in whatever he's wearing (underwear, pull ups). Talk to your pedi, maybe he/she has some more advice or hints. But please try not to listen to your mom or any one else that is trying to make you feel rushed. He's going to get there eventually, don't worry. And if you get upset, he can pick up on that too. Deep breaths, don't worry

And nothing against your mother, but I've noticed in my own family that sometimes their memory of things isn't very accurate. "Oh, all you kids did such and such by age blah"! Really, well, well looking at these pictures, says otherwise?! "Oh yeah, well maybe you *were* a little older!" Uh, huh. 

ali-1411

Try bribing him.  M&Ms did the trick with my son, who was the same age as yours.

#6

Thank you so much ladies.  There for a whle L would refuse to even go in the bathroom.  Then I started working with the girls and they caught on quick and L got jealous.  That is when he first started to actually go when he would sit on the potty.  That was around march I think. 

I think I am going to really start working with the girls.  I just dont know how to get them to tell me each time they need to go.  I have a little potty out so they can get to it.  Every once in a blue moon they will take their diaper off and pee on it.  Starting tomorrow they arent wearing diapers and Im setting the timer every 20-30mins.  Im going to get really excited about it and try pullups for them.  Maybe then they can feel when they wet.  But, they know when they need to go they just dont tell me.  ITs like they forget to tell me or get too caught up in playing they dont want to stop. 

 

#6

Dandr,

I threw the underwear away to hope that would help him not want to pee in them.  I told him if he peed in them I would have to throw them away.  IT worked for like one day.  Then he didnt care.  I guess since he always got a new pair.  I was desperate. 

I do set the timer for the girls every 20-30mins and take them.  They do super as long as I take them.  Every now and then between times they will say "I go pee pee" and I take them.  I think all 3 of them are just lazy and that is why they dont tell me.  They dont want to stop what they are doing long enough to go potty.  Treat or no treat they would rather play and pee their underwear/panties.  I went 5days in a row with K&K in panties and setting the timer hoping and praying it would sink in.  Nope.  No luck. 

Im starting again though and will just keep it up.  Im also going to buy some feel and learn pull ups for them.  I havent tried them for them yet.  L was scared of them because they got cold.  Freaked him out. 

 

heyitsme

I feel your pain! DD wasn't PTed until 3 years, 8 months... and it wasn't for lack of trying. In her case, though, it stemmed from a fear of releasing her pee into the potty. So we went that long without even a drop in the potty... and we tried rewards and every other method I could read about. But then the day she finally tried it... well, she never wore diapers again after that.

 Not sure I have any words of advice for you, but just wanted to say I have been there...
 

LanaM

M&M'd, smarties and skittles did the trick for us. He was picking the color of the candy he wanted to eat after each time on the potty (success or not). He was getting two for doing #2 and he got a bunch when he asked to go pee on his own.

We only gave him candy for two weeks and praised and praised and praised.

I also got a couple of books for him to "read" while on the potty

My Big Boy Potty by Joanna Cole and Maxie Chambliss

The Potty Book - For Boys by Alyssa Satin Capucilli and Dorothy Stott

He really liked them. I read them to him while he was sitting on the potty just about every time. 

I think there is a video for PT'ing kids... but we've never used any videos.

Good luck... .and try to ignore your mom.... MIL kept bugging too... and ethan was potty trained at 28 months... she was bugging me since he was 15 months old...

Momma2Bear

With ds, i tried underwear and he would do the same as your ds. Then I had read about people having success with "naked" potty training. I tried this with ds and within a few days he was trained. I also agree with a pp who said that he should help clean up after himself too. That helped with ds potty training too.

 I did the same with dd and she was also potty trained in just a few days.

DandR

That's common....all kids want to play, they don't want to stop what they are doing to go potty...potty isn't fun...playing is.

Don't waste your money on teh feel and learn pull ups...they don't work.  At least for my kids.

I think without making it a big deal, you just need to make them stop the playing when they have an accident, and help you clean themselves and the accident up.  while saying in a regular conversation voice something like "man...if you had just gone to the potty instead of had an accident, you would already be back playing!  Accidents are no fun because they take you away from play time.  Next time lets keep those undies dry so we don't have to clean up again." and move on.

Keep the timer going, extending the time each day for at least a week..probably two.

The main thing is to  do it and not look back..no more waffling..just do it.

heyitsme

I'd also recommend AGAINST PullUps for the girls... yes, Pull Ups make it feel cold when they get wet, BUT they're usually done peeing by the time they feel the cold. So all it did was teach them if they pee, they feel the cold... and then they can go to you and have you change their Pull-Up. It doesn't teach them to be aware of how they feel BEFORE they pee, it teaches them to be aware of how they feel AFTER they pee.

TxGal

Aww. Don't beat yourself up over this. Are they taking him to the potty regularly at DC? We are PT DD and she does very well at DC. When she transfers to the 2yo room they all go to the potty as a group and seeing their friends go helps.

 It sounds like you are trying hard. I have heard boys are tough. GL!
 

DandelionMom

I feel your pain. ?My middle dd was 3.5 when she finally was potty trained (hers was a medical problem but we didn't know it at the time) and we endured pressure from friends and family too. ?It sucked. ?The thing to remember is, he'll do it when he's ready, not before. ?So you can do lots of things to help and encourage him and soon he'll get it. ?Naked training can really help kids. ?I'd give it a shot. ?Along with lots of positive encouragement. ?Make sure you're not pressuring him though (not that you are but I regret pressuring my DD so thought I should say it). ?

elm1032004

I would wait with K&K and focus on Landon right now.  He's older and so I am sure you are ready to get him out of diapers.  Is he looking forward to going to school?  Can you tell him that he can't go to school until he uses the potty all the time and make a big deal out of that.  Would he get upset if you put him in a diaper, if so try that (If DD doesn't want to use the potty at this point all I have to say is I'll get you a diaper and she runs for the potty).  Have you talked to your pedi to see if there are some other tricks to get him on the potty?  Maybe targets for him to hit in the potty (cheerios or something like that).  The Urnial potty training thing for boys? 

 My DD started training around 2.5 years old but in reality she wasn't fully ready until she was 2 years 9 months.  I would put the girls on hold for a little while, let your frustration cool off, concentrate on Landon and then work with them again in a few months.  If you are frustrated it's prob. making the whole thing more stressful for all of you.

 Oh and tell your mom to butt out.  You aren't a failure, they will PT.

goodhartedmommy

I couldn't read and not respond with a (((hug))). I wish I had better advice for you, but all I've got is to just ignore people putting pressure on you.

brisbaby

I agree with not using the pull ups. Stick to underwear and try the naked training. And definitely make him clean up his messes.

Dimplz

I am so sorry you're frustrated! I don't have any advice. I just want to say you are definitely not alone there.

My cousin and his wife just finally potty trained their son who was over 3 years old. He just didn't want to go and he could hold his pee in for hours at a time. I think basically the boy just decided he was ready for the potty. My cousin said it was like trying to break a wild stallion!

I'm not sure of their techniques since they live far away but you are right, you aren't going to be going up to his college to change his diaper! He will get there sooner or later!

mommyof4boys

Boys PT later than girls do.  He doesn't sound like he's ready.  J&M are 3 as of last month and sometimes go and sometimes don't.  This was after 6 solid weeks of Matt being completely PT.  If he's not ready, don't push.  My oldest didn't until he was 3.5, almost 4 and one day he went up and did it all on his own without telling anyone what he was doing.

marchbaby

I think its hard when they are in school part of the day, then have the transition to home.  Do you have any vacation days coming up?  My son was almost three and he would pee when I told him to, but wouldn't tell me he had to go.  So, I took off the underwear and pants and let him go naked.  It worked!  We stayed that way for a week with very few accidents. He was potty trained!  It was soooo much easier then I thought it would be.  I think being naked made him more aware of his body, and the underwear almost felt like a diaper to him.

Good luck!

kcity

Not sure if you tried this - just an idea that worked for us.  On the weekends, I let her run around the house with no underware or pants on.  99% of the time, she was less likely to pee if she was not wearing pants..and then she would let me know that she needed to go.  

 Also, I spent a weekend at my Mom's house (she lives out of town) and that was HUGE.  My DD loved showing off for my Mom, so she was willing to show off for jelly beans.  After those 2 things, we were fully in underware and it's been 3 weeks.

 good luck to you sweetie!