S/O Family Size: For those who are one and done...

MrsKatie

Did you always plan to have just one?  What is the reasoning behind this?

We are seriously considering one and done and I'd like some feedback!

AnnetteWalker

We have just one and are pretty sure we are one and done.

 DH has a large family 1 of 4 kids and I have only 1 sibling.  Some days I feel bad for DS that he has no cosins who live near and are his own age.

But for us we are older than most people on here I am 37 DH is 40. So that is a big factor for us and money. Daycare is a large expense for us and I am the steady income earner. So if we had another and I was on leave unpaid it would be pretty hard on our budget. DH is a real estate agent/broker and he gets more than I do but the paycheck is not steady or ever and know amount so we reley on my pay being must more steady.

Anyway we have not made any 100% decisions on this yet but DS is now 3 and we talk about a second child but the longer we wait the more it looks like just 1 for us.

ChubbyCheekiesMom

We're still on the fence.  I always said I would have 2, and never wanted to have an "only child".  Tristen is so well adjusted, great social skills, and super friendly I'm not too concerned.  BUT He is hell on wheels, and that is preventing me having another.  I don't think he needs an accomplice!  

As of right now our one in done is mostly because of our financial situation, and the responsible person in me says NOT until we are more stable...but who KNOWS when that will be!  

StellaZ

I always thought I'd want more, but I got started late (35, which actually was a blessing as I didnt feel I've missed out on anything). DH was not sure he wanted any - we broke up over it actually. Then he proposed and said "one". LOL.So here we are and he loves G like crazy and is such an amazing Dad.

I am 1 of 6 and DH is an only child. But both Our families get together often and it's great. My 4 brothers and sister are a crazy Irish bunch but I love them all. I do hope G gets cousins but I think siblings for the benefit of the child is overrated. There is no guarantee they will get along, now or when they're older. Six kids took a huge toll on my poor Mother - she had no life or time for herself for 20+ years, and she still has major medical issues.

I do feel a twinge of jealousy when I hear someone announce pregnancy #2 - but I finally realized why. It's not the baby, it's not the larger family or wanting to give G a sibling... It's simple jealousy that this other woman has the confidence that she can handle it and thinks it will make their family better - and I know I don't have it in me, and neither does DH. We love outnumbering him. We never feel overwhelmed, we go out pretty often, we feel balanced....G is my whole world - and I really enjoy the 1:1 bond (or 2:1 I should say).

He goes to school and I make sure he sees friends often. He is very social.But I love JUST bringing him home! I hung out with my friend yesterday and her two (sweet, good) boys and it was exhausting...the squabbles, pushing buttons...no thanks. To me it's not worth the moments of "awww" and awe. I dislike stress

omangie

Why only one?

#1: Hubby says so.  I am the poohead who changed my mind after marriage.  I thought that I didn't want any... oops, I guess I did!

#2: Our ages.  Dave is 40, I am 36

#3: Finances. 

#4: My level of patience.  Lots of people say two kids will entertain each other, but in my experience, for every minute they are playing nicely, there is just as much fighting, and I don't make a good referee 

preston18

I saw one of my best friends lose her mind with her second.  Scared me.

Main reasons--age and my health. smaller reason--money.  We could stretch to afford it, but I don't want to give up anymore lifestyle or savings.

If I got married 5 years sooner, we might have another. I have one sister and I love her dearly. I hate to not give N a sibling, but bottom line, even if I really really wanted another, my health status makes it no-go.

And while I'm tons more patient than I was pre-kid, I don't think I can muster up anymore.

ttgcole

I was one and done when Austin was your baby's age.  I think it's hard to make that decision when they are so young.  When Austin turned about a year is when I changed my mind for various reasons.  If you can maybe you can shelve the idea and wait until she is a little older.  Just my 2 cents.

MissLauraQ

I was very very happy with one, and could have been fine being done.

But I re-married and he wanted one, so now I have two.

I miss the closeness I had with just having one, and I have to correct (insert yell) at him when I'm trying to take care of the younger one.  AND THE FIGHTS.  Having two is a whole new  ball game - and it's exhausting.

I would have been fine with just one.  It's was way easier back then

Seattle_JiLLn

ttgcole:

I was one and done when Austin was your baby's age.  I think it's hard to make that decision when they are so young.  When Austin turned about a year is when I changed my mind for various reasons.  If you can maybe you can shelve the idea and wait until she is a little older.  Just my 2 cents.

Same here.   Although I spend so much time worrying and fretting about the decision that it really gave me a lot of anxiety through that first year or year and a half.  And when I decided to NOT DECIDE until he was 2, I was able to really just relax and enjoy my kid.  And around 2, I suddenly really felt like our family was not complete and I decided I could do it again.  

My reasons for being "done" at one were that I didn't want to be pregnant again and all of the awful baby sleep stuff that lasted for about 1 1/2 years.   So around 2 I decided I could endure those things again.   And for our family, I'm glad we did.  And I'm really glad we spaced them out like we did, despite the fact that I was 40 when Cooper was born. But like ttgcole said, it was a decision that could not have been made that early for me....  so if you're not sure or don't know, don't worry yet... take some time and give yourself a break from worrying about the decision.

MrsKatie

Great input!  I will be interested to see how my feelings change over the next few years.  Honestly, its hard to think about more than one because I love her so much, ya know?! 

I can't remember which pp said it, but I wonder if I will get to a point where I feel like our family is incomplete - that is a great way to look at if you want more or not.

Seattle_JiLLn

MrsKatie:

Great input!  I will be interested to see how my feelings change over the next few years.  Honestly, its hard to think about more than one because I love her so much, ya know?! 

I can't remember which pp said it, but I wonder if I will get to a point where I feel like our family is incomplete - that is a great way to look at if you want more or not.

It's amazing you can love them both just as much as you love the one.   There's a funny book called "waiting for Birdie" about a woman pregnant with her second - her first is about 3, so it's really hilarious to read if you do have a toddler while you're pregnant because toddlers are their own breed of crazy funny... and anyway one thing that stuck with me is that she said "Love is not a pie".... you don't have to cut it up and dole out smaller pieces if you have more people.