Long: wwyd re bad kid in dd class

our very first house

dd is in a private daycare. She has become friend with this girl who creates chaos and often disrupt the class. Last month dd and her were separated (put in 2 different classes since it got really bad). Again last month, the teacher told me that they are like "Bonnie & Clyde" and not in a good way.

On Sunday dd told several times that "I'm the boss, I'm the teacher and if you don't behave I'll kick your butt" O_O

She also kept saying "Gesus Christ" and try to hit me.

Nevetherless, she was punished.

Yesterday I went to the T-P conference and told the incident to the teacher. The teacher told me that dd is very smart, right on track and acts like a little mom to the other kids until her and her friend hit it off. When she starts following her, she turns into a different child, a bad child. Now, she said to me that this kid talks like this in school and that many parents already complaint. She told me that the kid's mother told her that she may have picked up here and there.

I am assuming that they are kids and they do pick bad habits (from the street, an older brother, an elderly crazy aunt) but for the most I will assume that the parent will take responsability and try to change the behavior.

I hate to be that parent but I asked the teacher that when the kids will be moved to the "preschool" aka higher class in Sept. if dd could be put in a different class. I told her that the 2 of them (and I am also blaming my dd for this) not only do a disservice to themselves but also to the other kids.

The teacher told me that she would let me know.

I hate this but I feel that if I was in a public (free) school then I had to deal with this but I am paying a second mortgage for dd to be in this great school and I want obviously the best for her.

Toughts? Suggestions? I just hate to be that parent. I do not blame the kid and I hate to separate them since they obviously like each other but i feel dd is spiraling down into this terrible child that does not listen.

TIA

Pesky

I'd be that parent.  In a heartbeat.  Just tell them they NEED to be separated.  Period.  Sounds like it would be better for the class overall to only have 1 hellion to deal with rather than 2.

shouldbworkin

Unfortunately, there's always going to be "that kid" in a class that your kid hits it off with, picks things up from, argues with, etc.  PS is a time for them to be figuring these things out.  I don't disagree that some separation would be good for them, but you can't guarantee that there won't be someone else like that in her class some day. It's pretty common for kids to pick these things up at school and try them on for size at home to see what you do.  I wouldn't get too upset about it around her, it might encourage her to do it more. 

cecee36

Our daughter goes to a private school, too and there is a child in her class whom she has a "love/hate" relationship with.  One minute they are friends, the next, not friends.  Her teacher even went as far to call them "frenemies".  (I was like, "At THIS age?! *smile*)  Undoubtedly, DD has indeed picked up some bad habits from her and while I don't approve and constantly have to re-teach what's appropriate and what's not, if the "friendship" ever got to the point where their bad behavior was disruptive to the class, I would have no problem going to the teacher and even the principal to get them under control.  If that would require separation, so be it.  My daughter's sole reason for being in school is to learn and if her learning (as well as other children's learning) is being compromised because of misconduct, it's my job as her parent to make sure that doesn't continue.  We had a wonderful relationship with DD's teacher and she knew that we were fully committed to working with her to get anything under control that was out of control.  Like you, we pay a pretty penny to send her to an awesome school and it's very important that DD gets as much from it as possible.  Don't feel bad about the decisions you make; do whatever you feel is best for your daughter!  GL!

franciscaz

Even if this were a public school situation I would be still be "that mom" insisting that the two be separated.  Since you are paying honestly if they don't respect your wishes I would look elsewhere for other programs.

Andrewsgal

shouldbworkin:

Unfortunately, there's always going to be "that kid" in a class that your kid hits it off with, picks things up from, argues with, etc.  PS is a time for them to be figuring these things out.  I don't disagree that some separation would be good for them, but you can't guarantee that there won't be someone else like that in her class some day. It's pretty common for kids to pick these things up at school and try them on for size at home to see what you do.  I wouldn't get too upset about it around her, it might encourage her to do it more. 

I agree 100% the bottom line is you are seeing behavior you don't like in YOUR kid no matter where she learned it you still have a personal responsibility to end it on your end, you can blame other kids  all you want, but you need to work with your dd to get this fixed. I agree you should ask to separate the girls, but just be warned she will be surrounded by kids like this forever. 

n&bcarlson

Do you know the kid and/or her mom at all?  One thought is that if you could arrange a playdate outside of school, maybe it would help you get a little more control over the relationship.  Right now your DD only knows this girl in an environment where they feel like they can control things.  If you invited her over to play, you could watch them and remind your DD that there are rules (both at home and at school).  Also, it's hard to say what kind of family this kid is from.  If you spend some time with the mom and she seems like she is trying and basically a good person, you might be more willing to give it a second chance if your DD ends up in the same class.  But if she seems like she is clueless or doesn't care, I think you would definitely be justified to push for separation.  I mean, you are justified anyway, but this way you could tell the teacher that you've tried to get to know the family and you were not impressed with their ability to make the situation change.

UsedToBeGoldie

Andrewsgal:

shouldbworkin:

Unfortunately, there's always going to be "that kid" in a class that your kid hits it off with, picks things up from, argues with, etc.  PS is a time for them to be figuring these things out.  I don't disagree that some separation would be good for them, but you can't guarantee that there won't be someone else like that in her class some day. It's pretty common for kids to pick these things up at school and try them on for size at home to see what you do.  I wouldn't get too upset about it around her, it might encourage her to do it more. 

I agree 100% the bottom line is you are seeing behavior you don't like in YOUR kid no matter where she learned it you still have a personal responsibility to end it on your end, you can blame other kids  all you want, but you need to work with your dd to get this fixed. I agree you should ask to separate the girls, but just be warned she will be surrounded by kids like this forever. 

this- totally.... it's up to you to let your daughter know what is OK and what is not.  She will push limits her whole life - and you need to keep setting them and showing her where they are.... there will always be "that kid"... and not always a way to separate them. Sure- you can ask- and yes, because you pay a lot I'd certainly want a little more done- either in regards to separating them, or just dealing with that other child in a better way... if lots of parents are complaining there is an issue that needs to be resolved - esp b/c it's private.

I taught public kindergarten and would still do what i could to make the situation better for all.... but in public you can't kick a child out- in private you CAN if there truly is an issue- though, this doesn't sound so horrible- it's something that you and your husband can certainly work on at home with YOUR daughter.

My son knows damn well what he is and is not allowed to do - even if his friends do it at school... it only takes one or two times for him to try and say/do things like certain kids he's in school with - before he knows clearly that he has crossed a line and it is not OK.

jsugrin

franciscaz:

Even if this were a public school situation I would be still be "that mom" insisting that the two be separated.  Since you are paying honestly if they don't respect your wishes I would look elsewhere for other programs.

I agree and if there are multiple classes in the same age group then the administrators would be idiots to not separate them, for the sake of the entire group and the teachers.  

I also agree with pp who talked about dealing with this long term but it sounds to me like you are dealing with your daughter at home and reinforcing that the behavior is unacceptable ect.  It's not unreasonable though to wish you didn't have the added stress and responsibility of undoing someone else's crappy parenting.  Good luck!

turtlesmom

My DD and her cousin go to the same private school.  We have requested that they not be in the same class because they really do better when they are away from each other.  It has caused some problems with the school's class scheduling but they have been more than helpful and tried to keep them apart as much as possible. 

 I felt kinda bad requesting that they go out of their way to accomodate our strange family dynamic, but I figure I am paying them for my kid to get the best education she possibly can, and if their school no longer worked for us, I would change her to a new school.  With that being said, these issues were discussed with the director of education before they accepted my nephew as a student there so the situation is a little bit different. 

 I would definately speak with the director at your school and see what they can do to help.  Of course, kids need to learn what behavior is unacceptable in school but if they are interrupting the classes and bothering the other kids, I don't think its fair for the school to keep them together just so the two of them can learn a lesson. 

FieryIrishAngel

Andrewsgal:

shouldbworkin:

Unfortunately, there's always going to be "that kid" in a class that your kid hits it off with, picks things up from, argues with, etc.  PS is a time for them to be figuring these things out.  I don't disagree that some separation would be good for them, but you can't guarantee that there won't be someone else like that in her class some day. It's pretty common for kids to pick these things up at school and try them on for size at home to see what you do.  I wouldn't get too upset about it around her, it might encourage her to do it more. 

I agree 100% the bottom line is you are seeing behavior you don't like in YOUR kid no matter where she learned it you still have a personal responsibility to end it on your end, you can blame other kids  all you want, but you need to work with your dd to get this fixed. I agree you should ask to separate the girls, but just be warned she will be surrounded by kids like this forever. 

Agreed with all of the above.  I would make the same request for the girls to be separated, but ultimately, this is an issue you're likely to face over and over throughout the years and it's unrealistic to think that she can simply be separated from those bad influences each time they crop up.

DD's brought home behavior from school that DH and I (okay, mostly I, but thankfully DH goes along with me) don't approve of: calling people/things "stupid", doing a nanny-nanny-boo-boo kind of behavior for winning, SPITTING (oh I was really pleased that day).  I know it's coming from other children in her class and these kinds of things are bound to happen, so we talk about it at home.  She often tattles on the other kids in her class who say "stupid" and I remind her that the rule in *our* house is that we don't say that word.  I gently remind her that she's not the boss of the other children in her class, that the teacher will take care of that, and as long as she's not using that word, I'm proud of her. 

I sometimes feel like it's a losing battle, but all I can do is reinforce the good behaviors and exhibit zero tolerance for the unpleasant behaviors she brings home. 

Amya

I had a situation similar to this with my ds and I switched schools.  He was constantly being tormented by this one child and eventually he started to pick up this child's bad habits.  After speaking with the teacher multiple times, I pulled my ds and put him in a new preschool.  It was the BEST thing I ever did.  He is back to being well-behaved and loves his new school.