Our first "he doesn't want to be my friend" experience.

howleyshell · June 2011

And this Mamma's heart is breaking.

The boys started a new "school" (daycare) today.

Dylan was quiet when I asked him about his day. Finally he told me that he was playing with a little boy in the morning but after snack the boy told him that he didn't want to be his friend and went off to play with another kid.

I know full well that it's the first day and they're 4 yr olds but he just seemed so SAD about it.

It broke my heart.

I did my best managing and explaining but would love to hear how you would/have handled peer rejection with your little ones.

His public pre-school made such a huge deal that EVERYONE was a "friend" and now I'm second guessing my decision to put them in a daycare fearing that it may be a more cut throat and less cushioned environment....

My younger one would let this roll off but my older one is the type to be bothered by this.

Help please?

Pesky · June 2011

I usually focus on "honey, they don't know you yet. You don't know them. As they get to know you and you are there more, you may become the best of friends. You may find that YOU don't want to be his friend. You never know. Just take a deep breath and each day you'll see it gets a little better. First days are rough. You can always ask the teacher how you might best play with the kids there or for help figuring out playmates." There are usually 1-2 kids in a room that are good "caregiver" type kids for new kids. DD is one of those and is always asked to play with the new kids and she does. Sometimes they stick together after time (often if a girl) and sometimes they don't. I'd speak to the teacher briefly about it and what else you might tell your DS about the class so he can negotiate it more easily. Honestly, a lot of it is just time, as with first few days at any school.

flgator · June 2011

I haven't experienced that yet, but I'm sure my heart would be breaking too. It sounds like that other boy is the one missing out.

JLAElliott · June 2011

UGH. We've gone through this before.. With some really really mean little girls.. I told her if someone didn't want to be her friend that she should find someone else to play with.. Weeks went by and now the mean little girls ask her if they want to play...

At the time it broke my heart.. And it re-breaks it to think about it again. He'll get over it, and tomorrow he'll prob be playing with another little boy. Fingers crossed.

our very first house · June 2011

I did not ready the other comments so I hope this is not repetitive.

First of all, I tell dd to be nice to everyone even if she does not like them. I said that since she is very selective: she is very specific and will clearly let you know if she like you or not. Can you tell your son something similar? Like: I know you don't like veggies but X likes them so you may have to adjust to that. Maybe X did not want to play with you at that very moment bc it was busy with Y but that does not mean that he doesn't want to be your friend, he means that he is not ready yet to play with you.

I am sorry, I haven't be there yet but my heart goes to you (

karleegirl · June 2011

Sorry it only gets harder. My oldest (16) just got his heart broken by a girl and I felt like we were back in preschool again. My heart broke for him.I second asking the teacher for guidance with another child that is nurturing.

franciscaz · June 2011

I wish I had some advice... All I can say is (((HUGS)))!!! My little girl has CP and I really really fear this day when people start pointing her out.

shouldbworkin · June 2011

I try to explain to my kids that the other child just doesn't know how to express themselves nicely yet. Usually something like that really means, "I want to play with someone else right now," which is fine. They need to learn to deal with the fact that they can't make someone play with them and that a friend might have other friends that they want to play with at that moment. The problem is, the 3-5 y/o's don't know how to say it nicely at all. I try to focus on my kids learning how to say it nicely to others so that if someone isn't so nice to them, they understand it. Other than that, I just tell them to find someone else to play with. Up until recently, DD stuck to 2 girls and there was a lot of that stuff going on. It's forced her to branch out and she's made friends with a few other really nice kids. So, while the process is painful, I think it works out for the best.