NBR: Big Housing Decision

JenniferTCU

Hi girls. Sorry I haven't been around. So much going on- so much to discuss and catch up on. I really am going to come to the darkside- just haven't had time yet. Maybe I can later tonight.

But for right now, I have a big dilemma that I'd love your help with, please.

DH and I just got a contract on our house. We are thrilled. We really want to move. However, now we're very stressed because we can't make a decision on our next house. We've looked some lately and really could use some guidance. Here are some options:

1. We found a house that we love- it has great presence, is a complete show-stopper when you walk in the door. However, it needs a lot of work and is at the high end of our budget. We would have to do a ton of work (paint, flooring, landscape maintenance) which all cost a lot. The problem is that we know where the seller's bottom dollar is and we could swing it but then would be saddled with a house payment we could handle but wouldn't be able to go on annual vacations like we do now, would be in big trouble if one of us were suddenly unemployed, and basically wouldn't be able to do the frivolous things we do now. But again, we'd have a kick butt house.

2. Another house at high end of budget. Amazing house and we wouldn't have to do anything to it but again, our lifestyle would change because we couldn't drop money on silly things. But, you know, do we need to drop money on silly things? We waste a lot that we don't have a thing to show for it....argh.

3. We are also considering trying to find a house at the low end of our budget which would allow us to still spend like crazy (but again, why is this important??? we should cut that out no matter which pricepoint we choose) and would allow us to save (which is great considering that's what we should be doing). A house in this price point would work during economic downturns, etc, but wouldn't have an amazing yard, or presence like the other ones.

I just have so much stress going on (they had to shock my dad 9 times with the paddles on Friday and we thought we lost him) so I am not doing a great job on thinking rationally. I haven't read any of Dave Ramsey's books (no time to read with a toddler, a 3 hour a day commute, 2 stepkids, and a draining job). I'd love to know what he'd say about the situation although I am sure he'd opt for option 3 ARGH

Any advice would be so appreciated!

stever

Hi Jennnnn!!!!!

I'd go with the cheapest option. As long as it was nice enough, in a nice area and near good schools I'd go with the cheapest I could get away with. 

That said, I don't really have a "dream home" in mind AND DH and I are cheap, so as long as a home ticked all the boxes I'd be happy with it not being absolutely fantastic.

And again hiiiiiiieeeeeeee!!!

Peppernut

Yay, Jenn!

I think if it were me, I would want a cushion, but I also wouldn't want necessarily the lowest end of the price range, either.  Is there a middle ground?  Something that might have a few really kick-ass points, maybe something that works now but with some investment could be so much more, and leaves you a little more wiggle room for spending?  

I am so sorry about the scare with your dad.  So much stress!  *hugs* 

Piranha54

Yikes - I hope your dad is doing better!  That is scary!!

I totally agree with Amy - I'd look for some middle ground.  I'm pretty good at spending $$ on silly things but after the last few years economy and housing markets, putting all our $$ into a house and having little to no cushion would stress me out way more than having a kick butt house.  GL 

mama.bear

Hey lady!

The first two sound nice but, the what-ifs scare me. 

Maybe your "dream" home is closer to where you work providing you with a 1 hr commute rather than 3hrs? Your quality of life is something to factor in just as much as the aesthetics of the home. 

We bought our house at the peak of the subprime housing crisis. Not to compare our situations but, I do know being house poor is no fun. And I will always think conservatively based on our bad experience.

I'm sorry to hear about your father.  :-(

 

carladillon

Hi Sweetie!

It sounds like you know really what the best option is - and it isn't one and two.  Like Amy and Kari said - maybe you just haven't found your house yet if you don't "love" three.  Or - are one and two keeping you from loving it?  

I seem to recall that you had discussed moving before, but your DH insisted on being very close to his girls.  Will the new house be any closer to work for you?

I'm so sorry about your father - been there, done that.  You must be exhausted, constantly being on the alert and on edge.  Big hugs! 

BrideBuddies

I think it's more important to live happily in a shack than stressed out over house payments and fixing things up.   You'll become a slave to the Home Depot and never have things the way they "should" be.

Go for a cheaper option and enjoy life with the kids.  Get that commute down, too.

 

dkays

IMO, the wonderful memories you make from family vacations and family time far outweigh any benefit of having a show stopper house.  Money stresses can be very toxic on a marriage.

Sorry to hear about your dad. 

 

 

JenniferTCU

While it would drastically improve my quality of life to decrease the commute, it's not possible. John's kids are with us 3 nights a week and we see them daily.

ateytelb

I agree with PP - probably something midrange is the way to go. I personally don't like taking loans so we bought our house with cash we had saved.

Pesky

yeah, I'd probably look for a mortgage you can live with, not one that would keep me up at night with what-ifs.  I looked for one with the old rule of thumb of housing costs should not exceed 25% of my gross income and that housing costs included EVERYTHING housing related (electricity, gas, waste, water, general upkeep, etc.).  Makes it a bit easier.  If that one house is a fixer-upper, keep an eye on it.  In this market, may drop more.  Not many people really want projects.

BrideBuddies

Jen.. .I know you say it's a MUST to be near the stepkids.  But if I remember correctly, you guys are literally just a few minutes away from them, right?  

I'm not a stepparent, so I have no idea how this works.  And I don't mean to step on toes here... just throwing this out there... 

But just as an outsider, I wonder if it's fair to you.  It's forcing you to be away from your child and husband for a ridiculous amount of time every day, just for the convenience of being at the other kids' beck and call 24/7.  They are getting older and surely can understand that their Dad loves them, even if he's not there constantly. 

I would think living just an hour away from them (and an hour closer to your job) would be a more fair compromise.   It just seems like your own sanity and happiness is getting short-changed alot here.

NewMrs07

I'd go with the cheaper house that fits your budget. I know it's easy to fall in love with a gorgeous house and try to justify the cost ("I'll cut out shopping, etc.") but the truth is that the beauty of the house will fade fast once you've paid a few mortgage bills and discover that it's really just too much. Honestly, you never cut back on spending like you said you would and then you end up being house poor.

We rent a very affordable house for our neighborhood. In the past I would have convinced DH to get a more expensive house with more ammenities but now I'm happy with spending the least amount possible and put more money in the bank... and take at least one annual vacation. I'd rather put up with an older house that's not my "dream" home and have money left over for other things 

kikijbunny

I wouldn't go with #1 because it requires even more $$ to fix up once you've got it (and with everything else going on, you don't need the added stress and will want those vacations).  Probably not #2 either because if it were me I'd still resent not having the ability to get away; as awesome as the house is, you'd probably benefit from a change of scenery every once in a while, especially if that's something you're used to.  But then I wouldn't settle for #3 (if it seems like settling to you).  Follow Amy's advice, find something in the middle of your price range if you can. 

(((((hugs)))))

NewMrs07

BrideBuddies:

Jen.. .I know you say it's a MUST to be near the stepkids.  But if I remember correctly, you guys are literally just a few minutes away from them, right?  

I'm not a stepparent, so I have no idea how this works.  And I don't mean to step on toes here... just throwing this out there... 

But just as an outsider, I wonder if it's fair to you.  It's forcing you to be away from your child and husband for a ridiculous amount of time every day, just for the convenience of being at the other kids' beck and call 24/7.  They are getting older and surely can understand that their Dad loves them, even if he's not there constantly. 

I would think living just an hour away from them (and an hour closer to your job) would be a more fair compromise.   It just seems like your own sanity and happiness is getting short-changed alot here.

 

In terms of the commute, I agree 100% with this. It would really take a toll on our marriage if I had to deal with the commute you have for even a month. I hate long commutes so much!!!