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Georgia Babies
Those with 2
Hi girls,
I know I posted before about Adam having a hard time adjusting to the new baby. Its now been 4 weeks and it isn't getting any better. I see our Pedi tomorrow and will ask her, but can you tell me about your experience with bringing home the 2nd baby. Adam still screams (I'm talking full fit) everytime she cries or makes a noise. He wants to spend all day in his room away from her and he will not come near me if I'm holding her. I've tried everything (special Adam time, ignoring the behavior, trying to involve him, etc) and nothing has helped. Honestly at this point I need to know how far off the normal behavior this is so I can express my concern with the Pedi tomorrow.
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Re: Those with 2
this wife bakes.
One of my favorite cakes ever! I had a blast making this..all handmade with buttercream suds!!!!
I would tell your pedi exactly what you said here. 4 weeks seems like a long time but I don't know, he isn't even 2 and my ds is 3, so I think it is different for us. He has his moments, but constant screaming is probably something you should talk about!
Good luck!
I hope your days get better soon. Do you have a family member that could help you get a break? My MIL can be a handful but she helped a lot with P when Isaac was brand new (and still does!). Adam will eventually get it that Ansley is here to stay. P is occasionally jealous but I put a stop to that behavior immediately when it comes up. Mine are hitting that age where they start to aggravate each other sometimes. I just let them know it is unacceptable, separate them or dole out an appropriate punishment if warranted and move on with my day. I know Adam is much younger than P but in all honestly if he is just having a jealous tantrum put him in another room or the corner and refuse to pay him any attention until he calms down except to put him back if he moves.
One thing that I did with P was allow her to watch the DVD of her choice if I needed to nurse Isaac before bed or nap. I always praise and thank her for being patient when she has to wait for me to tend to Isaac.
You have to remember that I had a weird situation where Gavin got really sick 2 weeks after Sophie was born and needed my attention as much as her (oh and I had a c/s!). So yes, he was still in rejection mode at 4 weeks. But at 4 weeks, he went back to school and back to his normal routine and all of sudden, my sweet little boy was back. He still pretty much ignored Sophie 90% of the time (he would ask where she was when he woke up/got home from school, but otherwise- he pretended she didn't exist). I would say that at 4 mos, he finally accepted her as part of our family and wanted to hold her and play with her and make her laugh. So yeah, it was probably a long transition. But he wasn't throwing tantrums and crying when she cried and all of that. So yes, I would speak to the pedi about any other advice.
But back to the routine thing... what was your daily routine before the baby? How close are you to getting back to that? Can you write out a daily schedule and sort of prep him for it as you go? Tell him what he will do, what you will do, what the baby will do. Gavin is so structured that any deviation from his normal routine sets off WWIII, so we have learned that we just have to prepare him for it and he does so much better. My mom said that my brother was the same way. If she went to the drugstore instead of going straight home, it would send him into hysterics.
I know you must be exhausted... can you take a day and clear your head? Go get a mani/pedi/massage, see a movie, just sit down and think. You need to take care of yourself too! I had to do this around the 1 month mark. I was so scattered and wound up and DH was so worried about me that he ratted me out to my mom! She just showed up and took the kids and told me to get out and only come back to nurse and then leave again. It worked.
Thanks everyone for the honest advice. My Pedi says it will just take time and to try to make him understand its OK to be upset when Ansley cries, but try to redirect the screaming to something else. I have kept his routine as close to normal as possible (our babysitter still comes in the morning even though I'm on maternity leave). I do have lots of people willing to help. My husband wanted to keep him with us as much as possible to get used to the baby, but at this point he is begining to travel for work and I just can't keep them both in this situation by myself for days at a time. I think its probably time to take the grandparents up on their offers and let Adam spend some time with them when my husband is out of town. I'm not sure if its a good long term solution, but at this point its the best option I have.
If keeping him with you guys as much as possible isn't helping then I would definitely try calling in the troops. And I agree, if you can, take a step back. Go out and spend some time along and try and relax and regroup. It is going to get better!!
Also, I haven't read all of the pp's but I would ignore as much of his melt downs and tantrums as you possibly can. I would praise the heck out of him when he is showing good behavior and try to give zero attention when he acts out. Easier said than done I know. Big hugs to you, hang in there!