How to get pushy visitors off of your back? (and a vent!)

angb77

I am just wondering how many times a week (or month!) people are letting their most demanding visitors visit with their newborn. My stepmother really wants to be helpful with the baby but the problem is that she clearly doesn't know that much about newborns and it just ends up being more trouble than it is worth. She doesn't know how to handle him and she just ends up making stupid mistakes that I have to correct her on ("hey, remember, you have to support the baby's head" etc.) I am working on basically no sleep and I just don't have the patience for this. 

 My son is only 11 days old and my stepmother has seen him three times already - during the last visit, she arrived at the house with my Dad, and the visit did not go well. My Dad basically got drunk (nice, huh?) and she and my Dad just ended up making a ton of annoying comments and I just generally wished that I had not invited them over. It also caused friction between myself and my husband, because they were acting so annoying.  I have been ignoring them since then. 

 She texts me and emails me at least once a day wanting to know if she can "help" in any way (i.e. see the baby.) I really just wish she would leave me alone and let me have some downtime. I am happy to see other visitors, like my mother, but my stepmother and my Dad are just too much stress for me to deal with right now so I have been ignoring them. They haven't seen the baby in a week now and they are clearly getting desperate.  

 I want my son to have a relationship with his grandfather and my stepmother, and I know that they MEAN well. But I just wish they would back off and let me invite them over as opposed to them trying to initiate everything. The more that they text and email, the more irritated I am getting, and the more I feel like ignoring them, which in turn makes them more desperate. They live very close to my house as well, which makes things worse. I feel like they are really pushing the situation when what they should be doing is backing off. 

 I don't want to have a big confrontational scene but I wish that they would respect my space and also my Dad clearly should have known better than to be at my house, drunk, when I have been home from the hospital for literally one day. Best case scenario, that is just really disrespectful and annoying.  If I spell this all out for them it will just invite more drama (trust me, I have been through this before) because they will want to talk about everything incessantly which, again, I just do not have the time or patience for right now. 

Any ideas? Anyone in a situation like this?

mmarsac

melpatbat:

Send a reply to her e-mail. 

"Sure you can help, I need X,Y and Z from the grocery store and the laundry needs to be done so you can pick it up and do it your house. Thanks!" That's what I do with my MIL.  By the time she gets to my house she is usually tired and after a while she stops offering.

What about going to their place that way you can leave when things start getting rough?  "Oh I thought I would drop by for 10minutes but I can't stay long because I don't have any clean diapers with me."

This sounds like a good plan.  If she doesn't really want to help, she will stop offering.  If she does, you will have help.  Maybe you could ask for some frozen meals or dinner. 

I know what you mean about your Dad getting drunk.  Mine is always doing this to "celebrate."  It drives me crazy.  

 

changingnames

mmarsac:

melpatbat:

Send a reply to her e-mail. 

"Sure you can help, I need X,Y and Z from the grocery store and the laundry needs to be done so you can pick it up and do it your house. Thanks!" That's what I do with my MIL.  By the time she gets to my house she is usually tired and after a while she stops offering.

What about going to their place that way you can leave when things start getting rough?  "Oh I thought I would drop by for 10minutes but I can't stay long because I don't have any clean diapers with me."

This sounds like a good plan.  If she doesn't really want to help, she will stop offering.  If she does, you will have help.  Maybe you could ask for some frozen meals or dinner. 

I know what you mean about your Dad getting drunk.  Mine is always doing this to "celebrate."  It drives me crazy.