How do you handle negative comments?

olliehoops

Hi ladies, just wondering a random question. A few people have mentioned things about our DD that really upset me, although I'm sure it's not a big deal, it just bothers me.  DD has a stork bite on her eyelid, and DH and I could care less, it just makes her even more unique. 

The first time my mom saw her, she pointed out the stork bite and said "What's wrong with her eye?  That is permenant? Well thank God for makeup, that's when Ms. Revlon will come in handy!"  My IL's have asked questions about the stork bite in Italian to my DH and it was right in front of me, so I thought that was super rude to talk about DD in a negative way, then try to hide it by asking in Italian.  Also, my BIL said "What the he11 is wrong with her eye?  She uses one more than the other, the other one is like stuck and she looks weird." 

 Ugh.  So annoyed.  My DD is perfect to me and I wish others would stop pointing things out and be thankful she is here and healthy.  Just annoyed, needed to vent.  Happy Saturday! 

MrsDink

No offense, but they are being incredibly insensitive.  I'm sorry you have to deal with that.  I can't imagine.

If it were me, I'd play dumb... and say, "what do you mean 'what's wrong with her eye?'... I don't see anything wrong with it at all?!" I find that this is the easiest/least aggressive way to let someone know they have overstepped their boundaries and it will also make them uncomfortable about bringing it up, which selfishly makes me feel better 

Not sure if this is helpful at all or not 

st.augbride

Yeah, ds has a slight bump on his head and we're not sure what it is, and also has prominent veins between his eyes by the ridge of his nose. Docs don't seem concerned and it's less apparent as he gets older. We notice it and also hope they go away, but he's been through so much and is so beautiful and perfect and incredible to us. The only one who seems to always focus on these little things is FIL. I know he is loving and only concerned (not rude in how he says it..I think I'd flip with the way your family said those things!), but it still gets to us. Sigh, what can you do?

*Chicken*

What is a stork bite?

My MIL commented on V's nose because her CPAP made It look like a pig nose. I was so annoyed because she is perfect to me and by MIL pointing it out made me feel like she was saying V is not perfect. I'm also oversensitive/protective of V because she's been through so much In such a short time and we haven't seen her beautiful face like we have A & C's. I know she's beautiful, her dad knows she's beautiful but not everyone sees it because of the CPAP so when I hear a negative comment I get overly irritated by It.

Anyway, whenever MIL points out I say something in response that usually shuts her up. 'MIL says 'she has a pig nose' I say 'she does not but who cares if she did'. I recognize I'm being overly sensitive/protective but with all the things my girls are going through I reserve the right to do so.

thelish

I'm so sorry your having to deal with that!  I would express your feelings and ask them to stop, or have your husband.

My middle child has a large birthmark and it is amazing the comments that people will make. {{Hugs}}

JakesBride07

Ugh I feel for you. It is so rediculous for people, espeically family to behave that way. I don't have any advice. I am overly protective of my twins because of all they've been through too. I was offended when my MIL said certain friends didn't like to see the pictures of the little ones because "they were scary looking", I about flipped my wig. They aren't scary looking, I guess as parents you learn to look past all the tape and wires and just see a miracle. Not every one sees it that way.

kaylaaimee

*Chicken*:

My MIL commented on V's nose because her CPAP made It look like a pig nose. I was so annoyed because she is perfect to me and by MIL pointing it out made me feel like she was saying V is not perfect. I'm also oversensitive/protective of V because she's been through so much In such a short time and we haven't seen her beautiful face like we have A & C's. I know she's beautiful, her dad knows she's beautiful but not everyone sees it because of the CPAP so when I hear a negative comment I get overly irritated by It.

This happened to us too and I cried the first time one of my friends saw her picture and asked if her nose was going to stay like that. She was like, a week old and we had seen her face twice and I thought she was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen! FWIW, Scarlette had CPAP nose for a long time but you can't even tell now. I remember being like "really?! you can think about how her nose looks?!"

OP, I am really sorry for having to endure negative comments right now. When people ask me what is wrong with Scarlette, I respond "There is nothing wrong with my baby, she is completely perfect. If you mean "why is she *insert whatever here*" then it is because *reason*"

It's probably a little bratty of me, but I can't stand to be asked what's wrong with her.

In your case, I'd try talking to your family and telling them that you don't want your DD growing up to be sensitive about her stork bite and so you'd appreciate them not drawing negative attention to it. 

You little one in your avatar is beautiful!

katie4253

Your daughter is beautiful.  Don't let your family get you down.  And don't be afraid to stand up and tell them that.  They are rude and you have every right to be upset. 

Happy2bNappy

My mom is visiting from NY since last Thurs. My DS wears hearing aids and my mom actually had the nerve to insinuate that it is my age why he has hearing loss. I had him at 35 btw. She did this on the way home after picking her up at the airport I so wanted to turn back and drop her right back at the airport. I was so hurt that this is coming from MY mom. I will not talk to her about it during her stay because I am scared I will and she will make another dumb comment and I will have to kick her out my house so I am waiting until I am taking her back to the airport this Friday. I am expecting this kind of response from MIL whenever I decide to tell her, but she may shock me like my mom did.

LilMissSunshyne

I can very much relate to your post.  My little one has stork bites on her face.  She was diagnosed with an overgrowth syndrome and, despite being a preemie, is large for her age.  People will comment on the characteristics of the syndrome and her size.  I find it incredibly annoying, but then take a deep breath and remind myself that they are being ignorant and their opinions don't really matter. 

Btw- I think your DD is a doll!