Click poll re: picky eaters

Starr57

DH & I struggle with this alot. I'm happy if DS tries a new food, even if he spits it out and takes at least 3 bites of everything on his plate that I know he likes/will eat. DH grew up with a clean-your-plate attitude towards eating. Just curious what everyone else does:[Poll]

Ciarrai

I voted SS. We put the dinner in front of the kids. They eat it or they don't but they don't get anything else until morning. They have to try at least everything on their plate to get seconds of anything. Like if they want more mashed potatoes, they have to take a bite of chicken and a bite of green beans. To get dessert, they have to eat a decent dinner - fairly balanced and enough of the healthy stuff but not necessarily clean their plate. DS is our exception because he's FTT. He does get a yogurt or healthy option if he won't eat the dinner, though we try to encourage him to eat the regular meal first. We will also usually give him dessert no matter what he ate of the girls are getting it because we need to get any and all calories in him, buy again we try to get him to eat healthy first.

j-w

SS

I ask my kids to try new things, but I try to serve them mostly things that I know they will like. No one has to clean a plate, but they do not get a treat for leaving a big portion of food on their plates.

penguingrrl

I never "force" my kids to finish because if they're hungry they'll eat and I don't want them to stuff themselves if they aren't feeling hungry. If they don't finish a meal then their plate is saved and if they ask for food before the next meal that's what they're offered. I was raised with the "clean plate club" mentality and now I overeat and have to really watch myself, so I'm trying to avoid that with them. They eat until they're full and I don't push past that.

DandelionMom

The only food rule we have is you have to eat a significant portion of veggies in order to get dessert (if we have dessert).  Other than that, we focus on manners. 

H was raised with the "clean your plate" mentality and he's one of the pickiest eaters I've ever met. 

camrude

I am firmly against the "clean your plate" club. Not flaming people who do it, but that is something I do not advocate.

Our norm is eat most of your fruit/veggies and couple bites of the protein, outside of that, I really don't care. However, if the kids do not eat anything/only a couple of bites, there is no snack before bed. They can have the fruit or veggie(or anything else) from supper if they are hungry.

If we are having something new or I know that one of the kids may not like it, I usually give pass. Also, if I see that one of them had seconds at daycare for lunch, normally they will not eat a ton at supper. I'm fine with that.

Long story short - I refuse to make food a battle.

DandRAgain

DandelionMom:

The only food rule we have is you have to eat a significant portion of veggies in order to get dessert (if we have dessert).  Other than that, we focus on manners. 

DH was raised with the "clean your plate" mentality and he's one of the pickiest eaters I've ever met. 

Pretty much this. DH and I both were raised in "clean your plate" households and we are both overweight.  My kids have growth spurts where they want seconds every time...and then there are times where a bite or two is enough.  They rarely complain about being hungry if they don't eat everything...and the only RULE we have around food is that fruits and veggies are always an option if you are hungry.  I guess its not always as if its right before I'm goign to serve dinner, I'll ask them to wait...but if we are done with dinner and someone says they are hungry, they go and get an apple or pear or some carrot sticks.

 

Starr57

camrude:

Long story short - I refuse to make food a battle.

I guess this is where I'm going with this. DH will hound DS until he's crying to finish his food. We butt heads when I 'make a deal' with DS that he only has to eat X number of bites. That usually gets something in his stomach so I know he's not going to be hungry when he goes to bed. He rarely asks for something to eat after dinner since we eat so late in the evening.

r9stedt

I voted SS. We put the dinner in front of the kids. They eat it or they don't but they don't get anything else until morning. They have to try at least everything on their plate to get seconds of anything. Like if they want more mashed potatoes, they have to take a bite of chicken and a bite of green beans. To get dessert, they have to eat a decent dinner - fairly balanced and enough of the healthy stuff but not necessarily clean their plate.

 

 

This.    I have been trying really hard over the past three weeks to get L to eat the same things I have been eating.   He doesn't have to try everything on his plate right now, but like Ciarrai, if he wants more of something he has to take one bite of everything.    He had been freaking out if things he didn't like were even on his plate, so I am trying to work on that.  I remind him that he doesn't have to try it, but it needs to be on his plate.   He is getting better at not crying when I put something he doesn't like on his plate.  

ridesbuttons

I put dinner in front of my kids.  They can eat it or not eat it.  I will ask them to try, but not insist.  Usually there is something on the plate that they will at least try.  I don't cater anymore to their individual tastes; if I did, we'd be eating pizza and noodles every day, lol.

Dessert is almost always fruit or yoghurt or similar, so I know they will get something in their tummies.

I will never, ever insist they clean their plate.

ETA: If dinner is basically ignored, I usually leave the plate out 'til bedtime (dinner usually at 5:30ish, bedtime usually at 7:30ish).  Then, if someone asks for more food, I can direct them right back to their dinner. 

camrude

Starr57:

camrude:

Long story short - I refuse to make food a battle.

I guess this is where I'm going with this. DH will hound DS until he's crying to finish his food. We butt heads when I 'make a deal' with DS that he only has to eat X number of bites. That usually gets something in his stomach so I know he's not going to be hungry when he goes to bed. He rarely asks for something to eat after dinner since we eat so late in the evening.

Does your H have other reasons for wanting him to finish everything outside of he grew up that way?

I had to clean my plate at my grandparents (they watched us a lot) and that is why I am so against it. I remember crying and having to choke down food that made me gag. There are still food to this day I will not eat because of this. (BTW, my grandparents were awesome, just crazy on the clean plate club)

I'm sorry you have to fight this battle with your H.

Starr57

DH's grandmother made him clean his plate too. In fact, he has a story about sitting at the table for hours because he refused to eat green beans that were cooked in vinegar.

I am also trying to lose weight, so I often don't finish everything on my plate. How am I supposed to tell DS to clean his plate when I don't?

Ciarrai

I should also add that we almost always have something on the kids' plates that they will almost always eat.  (There are days when they don't eat anything, but there are a few things they will usually eat.) 

We're also in the "meals are not a battle" club.  We don't fight over it.  We don't even make a big deal about it.  They'll eat if they're hungry and not if they aren't.  They know they don't get anything else until breakfast (though they can ask for their plate back some nights).  Everyone has to sit at the table and "chat" or go to bed, but whether or not they eat is up to them.  My kids are pretty picky eaters but they eat a lot more than they'd choose to eat if we gave them whatever they wanted every night.

jessicaclare

I think the "clean plate club" really can contribute to a habit of overeating for most people, which is why we don't practice it.

We do have a "no thank you bite" rule that DD has to try a bite of food before she says she doesn't like it, but that's pretty much it. If she doesn't eat, that's fine, but she gets nothing until breakfast the next day then. We don't force her to eat, but we don't let her skip dinner and then  snack on whatever she wants later either. 

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Bride2b2004

I try to put a reasonable/realistic portion size on DS's plate and that is what I want him to eat.  New things are only a small piece and he has to try it (he is really good about that and it isn't usually a battle).  He always wants desert after one bite of dinner and we constantly have to remind him that he has room for dinner if he has room for dessert.  I typically make him eat some protein and some veggies (if I gave him the plate, it is all, if DH gave him the plate it is so many bites because DH typically over-portions).  He never has to clean his plate, and I don't believe in that, except he can't have desert if he didn't eat enough good food at dinner.  The only time I struggle is when he asks for more of something and then doesn't eat it.  That bugs me.

superslug

I decided last week that I was no longer going to be a short order cook and whatever I make for dinner the boys are going to have to eat (with the exception of really spicy foods or something). My youngest is super picky and getting him to even try new foods is a battle, so for now I'm taking away the choices and he has to eat what I serve. So far it has been successful. Neither one of my boys likes tacos (or hamburger meat for that matter) but I made them the other night and they both ate most of one taco. I had salad as a side which they both like and they both had some fruit. I want them to at least try everything on their plate but they don't have to clean it.

shouldbworkin

No clean plate club here either.  I'm very liberal about food and don't think it's worth fighting over.  As long as it's healthy and they're not asking me to get up from my meal to make them something different, they can have whatever tastes good to them within reason.  DS is super picky and I know that most food grosses him out, so I don't make him try anything.  He knows he's welcome to try anything we're eating at any time and he has taken me up on it before.  DD is a good eater and so I will usually serve her what we're eating.  I don't make her something else if she doesn't like it and she can only have fruit after dinner if she hasn't eaten well.  But, she doesn't have to finish her plate or try anything she doesn't want to either.  I don't negotiate on how many bites until they're done either.  But, they don't get junky snacks after dinner if they haven't eaten well - they can finish their dinner or have fruit if they're still hungry.  Both of my kids eat well throughout the day, so I don't mind if they don't eat a good dinner.  They rarely ask for snacks afterward and usually just eat a big breakfast to compensate. 

Like DDM, our focus is mostly on manners.  That is worth fighting for, IMO.  How much and what they eat (as long as it's healthy), is not.

GettinNervous

I haven't read the replies, but I'm sure I'm in the minority. I ask them what they want to eat, then I make it. I don't make them eat things they don't want or like.