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Do we follow our head or our heart?!

TheNextWestTheNextWest member
in Adoption

Our plan:

Update our homestudy at our own pace since our house is on the market, we need to find a new house, H is kind of between jobs (military though- so, secure), I'm going back to school in the fall, etc. Once homestudy approved, send out letters, etc. and hope for independent domestic infant placement.

 

The opportunity:

Happened to come across a little girl (3 mos old) in the Ukraine who has absolutely captured our hearts. She does have Downs, but is otherwise healthy (no heart condition). We meet all of the requirements, it is one of the less expensive countries (although more than we had planned on spending with an independent adoption... and more than we would spend with an agency adoption for domestic infant, for that matter). It is also one of the fastest placements. If we want her, she's ours. We can bring her home in 7 months (possibly a little less). We would have to travel (one of us twice).

 

Logically, we have SO much going on right now and thought we would have more time before actually bringing another one home. It's also a lot of money and not a lot of time to prepare financially, and traveling out of the country twice will be hard to pull off. But she is PRECIOUS. And we would LOVE to love her. I think our kids have even fallen in love with her picture! They keep asking to see her and DD1 was picking out clothes for her at Old Navy today, even though I never said anything about adopting her!

 

The money and the travel and all that just seems like such short term stress compared to long term love :) But we want to do what's best for our whole family. It's sooo hard to know what to do! My head and my heart are racing right now!

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Re: Do we follow our head or our heart?!

  • baze2baze2

    Wow that is a tough one. I have no advice for what to do.

    But wanted to wish you good luck in the process.

    "Onward"--CathyMD Waiting since 07/5/2011 for our forever child! Yep we are adopting!
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  • TheNextWestTheNextWest member

    imagefredalina:
    I think you'll know when the time comes. I think you'll know when the time comes.

    I'm sure it's more this one girl that grabs your heartstrings rather than the idea of a child with DS in particular, but if that is something you'd like to pursue either way, you might contact the local DS support association. They often have infants they assist in the placement of, not as an adoption agency really but a free service. They also sometimes assist with adoption fees (attorney fees, etc) via geants. I know you live near me and one of my coworkers mentioned it to me as he has a daughter who has DS (unexpectedly) and he knew we were interested in adoption at a time when the association was trying to find adopters for a 3 month old boy. Just passing it on.

     

    I have actually been following this website for over a year... I am drawn to little boys with DS. Is that weird? I have no idea why. I was drawn to children with autism (even went to school for a Special Ed degree, specifically early education with a focus on autism) and now have a son on the spectrum. So, I don't really know what that means. But I just happen to see her and cannot seem to let go! It's all happening so fast though, and I don't want to get caught up in the excitement of it all without making sense of it.

     I just keep thinking about when we brought the twins home and it was almost the same scenario... our life was chaos! We didn't have a house, we desperately needed a house, in between jobs, no money saved for the adoption... and yet, we took a leap of faith and brought these two babies home bc we were being PULLED to them... it all worked out pretty good! :)

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  • silliestbunnysilliestbunny member

    Wow, that's a tough one.

    I follow a few bloggers who are working to bring their DS babies home from Eastern Europe.  The stories break my heart.

    My only advice is that most of us have a pretty innate sense of what's right for us/our families.  Listen to that inner voice and trust it/God.

    image Best friends and sisters... 24 months and 16 months
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  • forensicmamaforensicmama member
    imageTheNextWest:

    imagefredalina:
    I think you'll know when the time comes. I think you'll know when the time comes.

    I'm sure it's more this one girl that grabs your heartstrings rather than the idea of a child with DS in particular, but if that is something you'd like to pursue either way, you might contact the local DS support association. They often have infants they assist in the placement of, not as an adoption agency really but a free service. They also sometimes assist with adoption fees (attorney fees, etc) via geants. I know you live near me and one of my coworkers mentioned it to me as he has a daughter who has DS (unexpectedly) and he knew we were interested in adoption at a time when the association was trying to find adopters for a 3 month old boy. Just passing it on.

     

    I have actually been following this website for over a year... I am drawn to little boys with DS. Is that weird? I have no idea why. I was drawn to children with autism (even went to school for a Special Ed degree, specifically early education with a focus on autism) and now have a son on the spectrum. So, I don't really know what that means. But I just happen to see her and cannot seem to let go! It's all happening so fast though, and I don't want to get caught up in the excitement of it all without making sense of it.

     I just keep thinking about when we brought the twins home and it was almost the same scenario... our life was chaos! We didn't have a house, we desperately needed a house, in between jobs, no money saved for the adoption... and yet, we took a leap of faith and brought these two babies home bc we were being PULLED to them... it all worked out pretty good! :)

    Is it Reece's Rainbow? I know what you mean there. :) I would follow my heart, personally. It's all up to you, though. I like to follow a blog --> https://www.myspecialks.com/ who brought home one of their little ones recently. She's a total doll and is adjusting nicely. Congrats and good luck!

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Married since 06/19/2004|Anna born 11/19/2006|Charles born 11/1/11
    Double undergrad graduation May 2011| Me: Psychology, DH: Communication| A long journey!
    <a href="http://s21.photobucket.com/albums/b268/gussiebutt/?action=view
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  • Floridamom224Floridamom224 member
    Go with your heart!!!!!  I think things happen for a reason, and God has a plan.  It is not always in His plan to have everything happen when things are all in place.  It may seen chaotic for you, but may be the perfect time in God's eyes.  Trust your heart!  GL!
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Premature Baby tickers Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker image
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  • TheNextWestTheNextWest member
    imageforensicmama:
    imageTheNextWest:

    imagefredalina:
    I think you'll know when the time comes. I think you'll know when the time comes.

    I'm sure it's more this one girl that grabs your heartstrings rather than the idea of a child with DS in particular, but if that is something you'd like to pursue either way, you might contact the local DS support association. They often have infants they assist in the placement of, not as an adoption agency really but a free service. They also sometimes assist with adoption fees (attorney fees, etc) via geants. I know you live near me and one of my coworkers mentioned it to me as he has a daughter who has DS (unexpectedly) and he knew we were interested in adoption at a time when the association was trying to find adopters for a 3 month old boy. Just passing it on.

     

    I have actually been following this website for over a year... I am drawn to little boys with DS. Is that weird? I have no idea why. I was drawn to children with autism (even went to school for a Special Ed degree, specifically early education with a focus on autism) and now have a son on the spectrum. So, I don't really know what that means. But I just happen to see her and cannot seem to let go! It's all happening so fast though, and I don't want to get caught up in the excitement of it all without making sense of it.

     I just keep thinking about when we brought the twins home and it was almost the same scenario... our life was chaos! We didn't have a house, we desperately needed a house, in between jobs, no money saved for the adoption... and yet, we took a leap of faith and brought these two babies home bc we were being PULLED to them... it all worked out pretty good! :)

    Is it Reece's Rainbow? I know what you mean there. :) I would follow my heart, personally. It's all up to you, though. I like to follow a blog --> https://www.myspecialks.com/ who brought home one of their little ones recently. She's a total doll and is adjusting nicely. Congrats and good luck!

     

    It is Reece's Rainbow :)

    Waiting on the hubby to get home (he works nights at the base), but we were texting all night... :)

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  • mdm2137mdm2137
    This is such a tough decision that only you and your family can make. Good luck!!

    BFP 12/18/2009. HB 1/4/2010. NO HB 1/18/2010. D&C 1/19/2010
    April 2011 IUI #1 BFN. High FSH and other issues.
    May 2011 Chose to build our family through adoption
    September 2011 Actively waiting for a match
    11/26/11 Surprise BFP * DD born 7/23/12 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • MummyGruetzieMummyGruetzie member

    This makes me think of us a year and a half ago. We knew we would adopt eventually and I had a "plan" for how/when it would happen. Until I stumbled upon a picture of a precious little girl with special needs on adoptuskids.org. The rest is history. When people ask if our girls are twins and "our" story unravels I still stumble sometimes to understand quite how how things worked out the way they did, but I know how right it is and thank God that it happened. It took 3 months from seeing her pic to being approved and bringing her home. I'm not sure she would still be alive if it'd taken much longer than that. . . And I've forbid my self from looking at Reeses's Rainbow for a little while, because I know we'll end up with a house full of sweet little angels if we do. ;)

    I wish you peace in whatever you decide and in your journey ahead with that decision!

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