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Attachment Parenting
C-section and Bonding
Anyone have any positive post surgery bonding stories? Or any positive c-section stories? Mine is in 3 weeks and I am so scared for the surgery and worried about the bonding afterwards. I feel so guilty when I read the birth bonding sections of the baby books I have.
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Re: C-section and Bonding
I had a scheduled c-section due to breech. Right when she was born H was able to go and cut her cord and was there while they weighed, measured and temped her. He brought her over to me and held her next to my face/in the crook of my neck for a minute or two. They led him out to recovery and he got to spend 20 min "getting to know her", he said that he's really happy he got that time.
Within 20 min I was out in recovery but I was very sick from the anesthesia. It wore off quickly and I was able to hold and breastfeed within 40 min of her being born. We stayed in recovery for an hour or so and then it was off to the room. After an hour or two they took her for a bath (she had a dislocated hip and they had to check it as well) but other than that, she roomed with me the whole time. She was in the nursery for a total of 8 hours or so the whole 5 days for weigh ins and once to give me a good stretch of sleep. I had no problems getting up and holding her frequently. The nurses were happy to come and help me change her diaper and get out of bed.
I don't feel like I got any less bonding because I had a c-section. Talk with your doctor about your concerns, see if maybe they won't tape your arm down and ask how long before you can nurse in recovery. Many people have had stories similar to mine (from what I've read on this board) so it seems to be the norm.
Good luck!
ETA: I have never once worried or had guilt over the way she was born. I know some women that do but once she was out and in my arms I didn't think to worry or feel like I "missed out". I like to think I made up for it by being so attached now.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
I had an unexpected section after a failed induction. We bonded wonderfully and were able to breastfed fine. I think the key, is to find out what your hospital's policies are. If some of them do not line up with your wants, then speak up and see if rules can be bent for you.
In the hospital I delivered in there is no baby nursery. This is great because baby never leaves yours or DH's side. The only time we were seperated is when I was being sewn up (I was hemmoraging and it was taking awhile to get things done). Baby was taken to recovery with my husband to wait for me. As soon as I was done, they took me to recovery, and I was able to hold and nurse baby pretty soon after. I also did skin to skin while in recovery, which I think really helped.
Honestly I didn't have the overwhelming love feeling right away. I don't think it would have been differently had I had a vaginal birth. I felt fierce protectiveness for her, and loved her from the minute I saw her, but it took time for us to get to know one another.
Don't believe the hype in the baby books ;-). Your child is not predestined to be an unattached degenerate based solely on birth method. I think some of the attachment literature takes the concept too far, makes sweeping generalizations, and does so unfairly. DD was born via C-section in a "mother-baby friendly" hospital that stressed the importance of skin to skin/BFing as early as possible after birth. She just weaned at 28mos and we are very "attached".
Each birth and bonding experience are different. Someone can have a seemingly great vaginal delivery and have bonding issues as well. Not everyone feels disconnected from their C-section birth. I'm not saying things were a walk in the park. Personally I did not recover quickly and it made BFing really tough. My dissapointment with my c-section was not over the birth itself or bonding but was because I didn't feel like I was doing as much as I wanted/should have been doing for my new baby. I also think, now, that I was unfairly hard on myself.
I'm not discounting anyone else's experiences or making light of the challenges that a C-section poses. I have read some heart breaking c-section/postpartum stories and am very thankful that I was so alert and present during the birth. Post section attachment issues can be very serious. But please don't write off your bith experience yet! Do some reasearch on "gentle" C-sections and see what concessions your O.B. is willing to make. Make sure you understand your hospital's post delivery policies, especially regarding separation. If you plan on BFing make it known and make sure you have a LC you can call once you go home. Make sure your DH is prepared to advocate for you and that you have a plan for less than ideal scenarios.
I did not enjoy my C-section recovery. I don't care to ever experience another C-section and will be trying my darndest for a VBAC next time. But, I have great memories from my daughter's birth.
No birth is scripted. Even if you were planning a vaginal birth there are so many factors that could make for a good/bad birthing and post partum experience. GL! I really hope all goes well.
I had planned a water birth at a birth center and I was very determined to have immediate skin-to-skin and nursing. I wanted DS with me the whole time he was being examined. Being a first time mom, I was convinced that if I didn't have these things, our bond would seriously suffer. :::eye roll:::
I ended up with a transfer to the hospital for an emergency C section so I didn't have any time (nor was I in the right frame of mind) to express any specific desires, such as immediate skin-to-skin. DS was whisked away the whole time I was being stitched up - which lasted about 40 minutes. Instead of entering the world gently, he was being vigorously suctioned due to meconium aspiration. Now, obviously my situation could have been a lot worse, but it wasn't ideal. However, 40 minutes later, I had DS in my arms and we nursed for the first time. It was perfect. He is a securely attached little boy and we have an amazing bond. We did have a lot of trouble nursing but it was due to oversupply so I would probably have had the same issue if he was born vaginally.
Please don't worry about bonding. My point with all of this is that you will develop an amazing bond to your child regardless of the way he enters the world. And since your c-section is scheduled, you have the opportunity to ask if he can be placed on your chest immediately if all is well. Despite the drama surrounding DS's birth, I only have positive memories of the experience. Good luck!
I had a c-section and once DS was born DH was allowed to be with him while they stiched me up. DH actually asked if I wanted him to stay with me but I told him I was okay and to go meet his son. DS was still in the same room. I could hear his first cries and also how quickly he calmed down once DH was holding him.
I was able to hold him within a half in hour in the recovery room. I think it was actually a great experience for DH it got him involved from the get go. I have not ever felt that this affected the way DS and I bonded but I often wonder if it did something for DH. DH is a great father so openly loving and affectionate. Don't get me wrong he has always been very caring and loving but until we had DS he had more trouble showing it.
This is a great attitude to have.
And personally, I bonded easily and quickly with both kids and they were both born via c-section. Recovery was fine, especially after the first one. I was out and about a week later.
We had no trouble. I will say that the nurses try to keep baby for an inordinate amount of time doing all kinds of tests and paperwork, etc. The first time, I told the nurse I want the baby as soon as I am brought back to the room. She was bathing him when I got there, but I got him pretty quickly after that and nursed right away. The second time, I was off my game and didn't prep the nurse in advance (I guess I just expected it to be the same as last time). I also had a b*tchy nurse. She WOULD NOT give me the baby. I almost had to tell DH to tackle her. We (the nurse and I) were literally fighting over the baby. I finally told her That's IT, I want MY BABY NOW!... she still dickered around with some paperwork before finally giving him to me. It didn't hurt us though as far as bonding goes because luckily, he was still awake to nurse a little.
This time, I am going to make sure from the second I arrive that the nurse knows I want the baby immediately upon returning to my room and any paperwork/tests/etc will need to be done while I am getting stitched up or after i have him/her for a little while. Oh, and if I have a b*itchy nurse this time, I am asking for a new one (I didn't know you could do that). So weird that vag birth moms get their babies right away and I couldn't get mine until he was washed, dried, warmed, tested 25 different ways, etc. And our hospital's policies are supposedly family friendly and I would have never suspected this would have been the problem it turned out to be- esp the second time.
sorry if anyone already posted this (too lazy to read) but the only issues i had were at first i had a hard time connecting the baby in my stomach to the one they gave me. this went away of course- she's my clone. also when they took her out i felt kind of abandoned for a second because she was whisked away and DH ran to her... this is ok of course and i had a very lovely anesthesiologist with me who made me feel ok. also i didnt get to BF until a few hours later because her blood sugar was low and they gave her a tiny bottle. only formula shes ever had so im ok.
all these feelings passed quickly... but i will want a vbac next time
good luck! dont worry! its still your baby and within seconds you'll be in love.. oh and remember DH will come back lol
I think it's good for her to read and have that expectation. I actually was able to view the whole surgery in the light above me (there was a relfection) but it was sort of a strange thing to relate. I got over the disbelief very quickly.
I feel that the time she had with DH while I was getting stitched up was so beneficial for DH. I'd never take that back.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
I had an emergency c/s and it was very scary for me. I missed out on the first three hours of DD's life for no good reason just hospital policy. I'm still bitter about that. That said, once she was with me, she immediately stopped crying, she BFd fine, I loved her fine, I swear I didn't put her down again for four months. It has all been fine. Don't let those books scare you or make you feel guilty!
ETA: I also agree with PP about it being such a good time for DH. He had never changed a diaper in his life and he changed all of them the first two days..and most of the rest until he went back to work.
I wasn't really happy with my nurse the first night either...and I wish I had known more about the hospital policies. I was just in my warm little "I'll never need a c/s" world and didn't bother to check. I think it all would have been a lot better had I been more prepared. And you have that benefit of knowing in advance.
please don't work yourself up about it. i really wanted a med-free, v birth. i took a hypnobabies course and gave our little guy another 10 days past my due date waiting on labor to start naturally. when i was finally induced, i tried for another 30 hours, but it just wasn't meant to be. i'd never had any surgery before and i was really apprehensive.
it was great. my drs and nurses were very considerate and knew this wasn't my plan. they never made me feel like i'd been silly for waiting, or that i was wasting anyone's time. i had a really quick and easy recovery and was pretty much walking that evening. they brought my son to me about 20 minutes after he was born and we bonded beautifully. i am a big fan of skin to skin contact and i'm getting teary eyed just thinking of those first few moments.
you'll be fine. it will be great. you shouldn't let anyone ruin this experience for you.
This x1000! And exactly the same feeling was true for my son who was born vaginally.
With DD I had an emergency c-section for which I was under general anesthesia and my husband wasn't in the ER. It all happened VERY fast, and given what could have happened otherwise I am very thankful for the excellent care we received in a less than ideal birth.
I think there was about a 2-hour gap from when my daughter was born until I was conscious enough to hold and try to nurse her. DH was holding her within 20-30 minutes, but they had to sew me up and then I had to wake up from the anesthesia.
It is not the delivery that I would have chosen. But my daughter BFed exclusively for 6 months and weaned at 22 months. And I don't think it had any effect on how well we have bonded over the past 4 years. Try not to overthink it and be happy for the child that results instead of mourning the labor you wanted.