Hi All-
OK DD goes to this in-home daycare where there are a variety of ages of kids
ranging from 12weeks to 4 yrs old. DD and a few others are "regulars" and
the others rotate in and out. There's a girl (let's call her "B") whose 3 months older than DD, more stockier and a little bigger. DD is kinda small and skinny.
Yesterday, my husband went to pick up DD who was crying. One of the 3-yr-olds
told my husband, B pushed DD into the table. My daycare provider said "they
collided". I noticed that yesterday at drop off, DD was OK until B came in
and then DD started crying and wanting to be held. We're also going thru separation anxiety so that could be part of the issue.
This morning, DD went to get a toy that was nearby B. B held out her arm as if to say "no" and DD got pushed and started crying again. The daycare provider
immediately intervened said "we don't push" and gave each other a toy to play
with. B does go over to DD after she starts crying and says "don't cry", and
gives her a toy, but seriously...
Daycare provider has told me on a couple of other occasions that they're trying
to get B to learn that it's not OK to push/take toys away from others. She's turning out to be a little bit of a bully.
Hubby won't say "UHHH what's going on here". He just gives me the talk of "Well
they're super young and don't understand sharing yet".
I do trust my daycare provider to correct, and break up any fights/crying, but UGH! What would you all do? Has this happened to others?
Re: Pushing at daycare????
Yes, except it's my daughter who is the bully in this situation (she's 5 months older than the other little girl). We talk to her all the time about sharing, but she's 2 and it takes a long time to learn that lesson. For months DD didn't want to go to DC because she didn't want to share. If she was wearing a bow or brought one of her animals with her, she was afraid the other little girl would take it and would work herself into tears in the car on the way there - mind you DD is the bigger child and generally the one who takes toys so I don't even think her fears were grounded. DCP does the same routine with giving each child separate toys and redirecting them, DD and the other little girl hug each other to make-up after things go wrong and DD has great affection for this little girl, she is her friend and they often play well together.
We read DD stories all the time about sharing, they talk about it all the time at DC and we talk about it at home and intellectually she gets it, but toddlers are toddlers and they are still ruled by their emotions. In partnership with DCP, we take all sorts of opportunities to correct her and teach her respect and sharing. I think it's getting better, at least I get fewer reports of DD being aggressive but I know DD is not perfect, she's still a young 2. She has a strong sense of possession at home as well. And she has a strong sense of protection for her brothers toy's when others play with them (She'll tell tell them that's M's). I am ruing the day DS is mobile enough to get to DDs toys. I think it will be life lessons all over again.
There used to be an older girl at DCP and DD was much meeker with her. I wonder if that's a big part of it.
Yes, especially with the toys/sharing. Maggie just lets everyone take her stuff and then cries about it, while Molly is more of the taker (probably because we make Maggie give things back if she does take it). I would say there is more of a problem at our daycare with "we're not friends anymore" or "i don't like you". So I have had to talk with Maggie about not repeating those phrases and getting her to realize they make her feel badly so she should not turn around and say them back.
Some kids also simply share better/worse than others. My neice is not the best in the sharing dept and I really can't tell why. My sister corrects the behavior and never puts up with it and yet my niece can be downright mean about sharing her toys with Maggie.
If DD is getting physically hurt than it would be something I would bring up with DCP, to make sure all bases were being covered and that my child wasn't at risk from the other child's behavior and that all parties (DCP and child's parents) were aware and doing all that they can to prevent the behavior. Personally if it continued and my child was very upset by it (crying, being pushed around), I would encourage her to play with someone else for the time being. I don't think the other kid is 'bad' (I think that everyone's kid comes out with some offensive behavior at some point), but maybe she just has to mature a little or give it time for the consquences of her actions (TO's, toy removal) to set in.
There was a certain point at which my almost 2 year old was terrorizing and almost 4 year old. Luckily, it seems like she's grown out of it... She's still not the *best* sharer, but she's starting to understand better. When she's at home, I'll ask her to share with me and DH. Sometimes she does, other times she doesn't. If she refuses, I try to explain to her that it's not nice, etc. And, she usually winds up sharing and saying "I'm sorry mommy."
How old is your DD and the other kid? It's probably just a phase that will go away with some intervention from the DCP. It doesn't seem like the other kid is hitting and biting, so that's a good thing!