D.C. Area Babies

Going through a rough patch

I think I need to vent and maybe get some assurances that things will get better. M has been sick since Saturday - first a cold, then a fever, and now I suspect it's turned into an ear infection (he has a pedi appt. this afternoon to get it checked out). It seems like he gets sick every 2-3 weeks. It's the one thing I really don't like about daycare. He's miserable, so H and I are miserable, no one gets enough sleep, we have to take turns staying home with him, and then I inevitably end up getting sick a week later. It seems like at least one person in our house is sick at any given time.

M is also going through separation anxiety now, and he doesn't want to be apart from me at all. I'm glad he clearly loves me so much, but if I'm home, he will literally follow me around the house, crying "mama, mama!" until I pick him up. If I take one step away from him (not an exaggeration), he will freak out. If I go to the bathroom, it's like the world has ended. I know this is a normal stage, but it's really hard to deal with. It also means H has a hard time soothing him, because if he sees me, he wants me.

My dog is also a "mama's girl," so both the dog and M try to stay as close to me as possible... and then M tries to grab the dog, the dog freaks out, but she won't stay away from him, because she wants to be close to me. I've resorted to putting the dog in the pack and play for her own safety.
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Re: Going through a rough patch

  • Separation anxiety hit hard for DS at about that same age. It was like one week he would go to anyone, and the next week he wanted only me. He didn't even want to ride in the stroller because he was facing away from me. That's when I started using the Ergo a lot.

    It is a phase, but it's not necessarily a quick one. I also know that it doesn't really help to hear that it's all part of the attachment process and is really a sign that the process is working the way it's supposed to :)

    I actually went to a workshop on separation anxiety veral months into DS's phase. A few thoughts that I remember from the workshop... When you do have to leave him, always say goodbye. You probably know that, but it's especially important not to sneak out during a separation anxiety phase. Always tell him you're coming back, and if you can, tell him when (after snack, after nap, etc.). If you are specific about when you're coming back, though, make sure you're there :) Acknowledge that it's hard to be apart, but assure him that you love him and will be back. If your DH's usual soothing techniques aren't working when you leave, have him try sensory-related distractions - things like running water for the sound (or washing hands for the feel), rubbing his back or doing something like spelling letters on his back, singing or playing music. I'll see if I can think of anything else that helped with DS.

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  • Ugh, I was so there last year with the sickness part! It got to the point that I would see his nose run and just want to cry - because I knew it would mean a mess for all of us. For us, knock on wood, the second year in daycare has been so much better, probably 50 - 75% less days missed. He had a bad bout of RSV in December, and a stomach bug a few weeks ago, but other than that we have been good, with the exception of a few colds that haven't nececssitated a stay at home.

     I always say the only time I absolutely hate being a working mom is when he gets sick - the guilt from all sides kicks in. Hang in there!

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  • the 1st year in daycare is so rough! just tell yourself that by the time he's in school, he'll never miss a day b/c he'll have had every disease out there, it's better to miss days now than when he's learning to read, write, spell, count, etc. DS follows me into the bathroom and I let him b/c it's just easier than hearing him cry. It's hard, really hard, never having a moment to yourself. I just tell myself that when he's DD's age he won't care if I leave for hours at a time and try to enjoy the fact that he wants me so much. But it's definitely hard and the sleep deprivation makes everything so much worse and more stressful. *hugs*
  • The first year is rough with the illnesses and these late spring colds have given both my kids EI's lately when they were pretty darn healthy all winter.

    As for the separation anxiety, I think I posted recently about ducking down in my house so the kids couldn't see me or hear me.  Sometimes it was more like crawling if I needed to get anything near the living room - I was hiding from my own kids so I didn't have hear the screaming and crying.  I also have a ton of pics of Molly from above with her looking up at me - because I couldn't get more than a few feet away.  Molly is still clingy but it is nothing like the height of separation anxiety - it WILL get better (AND you will learn better child avoidance techniques, holding it until you can sneak off to use the bathroom and how to sneak out of the house all together while the kids are entertained by someone else for 5 seconds).  They will even leave you behind at some point while they run off to go have fun all by themselves :-(

  • Ditto pp's - that first year of daycare can include a ton of illnesses that seem like they never end.  It gets better!

    No wise words for the sep anxiety.

    But lots of hugs to you!!!!

    Wife, Musician, Fed, WW-er, and Mom of three little kids - not necessarily in that order.
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