Re-evaluating child support...
So, H and I are thinking about putting in a request for reevaluation of child support we pay to BM for SD. We're prepared for it to be a big ugly ordeal, but something needs to change.
When H and BM got divorced, H was in appeasement mode, so he let her have whatever she wanted. We pay quite a bit over the minimum child support per month, and it's pretty evident that BM doesn't even use half of it for SD.
Since child support was initially determined, H and I have gotten married, BM has gotten married, and SD is no longer in daycare. I'm sure there's been more fluctuation than that, but those are the major things that come to mind.
H has mentioned wanting to just talk to BM to see if we can come to a "reasonable" child support amount, without going to court. I told H that I feel like it'd probably be best to just contact whoever we need to contact (I guess that's the state DHS office?), fill out the paperwork, and let them determine it. I don't think BM is going to want to give up any of the child support we currently pay (obviously), but it's pretty ridiculous.
Any advice? Has anyone settled in child support outside of legal papers? What do you think is a "fair" amount for one six-year old?
*Note: Please don't misunderstand; I am in no way opposed to paying child support. I feel that in lieu of the major changes in H's and BM's lives, the amount should be adjusted.
Re: Re-evaluating child support...
It depends on your situation.
We cannot settle anything with BM out of court, because it turns into an even uglier ordeal down the road. Not worth it. But that's not everybody's situation.
Either way, you're probably going to have to put something through the court system to get CS reduced. From what I've read here, major life changes are grounds for a re-evaluation.
Good luck!
This is something where Google is your friend.
Google child support calculators for XX (state). You put in your info, BM's info (or whatever the custody arrangements are) and you will get your 'fair' amount.
FWIW, CS isn't calculated based on the child's age. I'm guessing (totally guessing since you did not say either way) that you guys are the NCP and BM has custody. CS isn't simply for food and clothes. CS covers their portion of what it costs to put a roof over their head, for the electricity they consume, the food they eat, the activities they do, the clothes on their back, the shampoo they use every night etc... It isn't cheap to raise a child. I'm not saying you do not have any merit, I just think you should look at it from the other perspective as well.
And my opinion, no one wants to willingly give up money. If you want it done correctly then I would suggest either getting a mediator or someone to calculate the CS you should be paying monthly. That way there are no questions. GL
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As PP suggested, you can easily Google support calculators for your state.
I'd also strongly urge you not to play the 'what does she spend CS money on' game. You're not ever going to be able to get any answers here that satisfy you.
I've tried the Google route, but I don't know enough about BM's income to calculate it. Thanks for the helpful response, though.
I'm sure we'll end up going to court, I was just looking for a little support or advice from others who've been through it.
And I know the 'what does she spend CS on' game isn't helping matters, but c'mon, most of us have thought it at one time or another. I don't think it's wrong to question BM when SD never has new clothes. She has a responsibility to use that money for SD's well-being.
As far as your SECOND question of asking for support. I wish you luck in your endeavors. Court is never fun. I always get stressed out before we go. I think the best way to deal with it (at least for me) is to just not think about it until the day of. Essentially there isn't much you can do but be tehre to support your H through all of it. Nothing you say is going to change concrete numbers. GL
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I don't know what state you're in, so this is just from MY experience here in MI.
there are several things that going into the calculations here in MI.
1) DH's Salary
2) BM's Salary -- but since she is a state at home mom, her spouse's income actually is used to calculate--the way MI sees it, since he is married to her and the kids are living in their home primarily, then his income is supporting them (at least partially) so they put his income in the mix.
3) BM's financial assistance status -- i.e. are the kids on State Insurance? Food Stamps? Etc.? -- if they were on state assistance, DH would have to pay more because he would have to "pay back" the state for those services.
4) DH's current parental status -- before DD was born he just had his two children as "dependents" and had to pay Child Support based on only having their needs to meet. His CS went down slightly when DD was born because they calculated in that he now had one more dependent to meet the needs of.
There is a bit more to it than that, but those are the basic things the courts looked at to determine a "fair" number.
@FutureMrsWittig - In the past, anything that we've come to an agreement on with BM has turned out to be a huge issue in the long-run. It seems to be getting better, but I worry that bringing this up will not be pretty. I'm sure we'll end up going "by the book," just wondered if anyone here had a successful, amicable agreement with no courts involved.
@hterry - BM is a teacher, so no summer care. SD was in after school care last year, but won't be anymore. BM does have a different job, but I'm not sure if her salary changed much. I know there's no "fair" amount, was just looking for people's opinions, I s'pose.
@fellesferie - My apologies, I didn't mean for my response to sound angry. I know I will drive myself crazy with wondering what she does with CS, and you're right, it doesn't help anything.
@CurlyQ - Interesting. I was hoping for something like this. I imagine mediation is a little less stressful than court.
@karatechrissy - Holy sh*t, I think you took my response the wrong way. I was genuinely saying thank you for a helpful suggestion. If you thought my question was stupid, I wish you wouldn't have answered at all.
@fauxshelley - Like I mentioned earlier, H agreed to pretty much everything BM asked for when they got divorced. She pretty much took all of their possessions, and he agreed to visitation and CS on her terms. Now that it's been 3+ years and he's remarried and thinking about having another child, we both realize that the way things have been isn't fair. We've restructured visitation (still see SD just as much, just on different days) and now are looking into child support changes.
@Jessys_Girl - Thanks! This is helpful. I do wonder why BM's H's income is only taken into account if she's a SAHM, though. It seems like SM+BF and BM+stepdad should all be taken into account. I'm sure you're right, though. I'll have to look into it for my state.
As others have stated, being remarried does not affect child support as only the biological parents are legally responsible for financially supporting the child. In Alabama, there is a chart that states the base amount calculated from BM and BF's income. Insurance, daycare, and whatever else is then added to that and split based on the income percentage that each parent makes. Not attending daycare anymore will reduce the child support amount. If someone is a SAHM, then they are intentially not working and the courts will determine a wage that they could make to factor in. That is done anytime someone is intentially un or underemployed.
Nothing can be decided out of court because she can easily say ok, just pay $100/month now and then take him to court in 5 months for not paying the full amount. A new court order is needed.
In our situation BM's new H's income is taken into account only if she's a SAHM because his income is "supporting" the children. She has primary physical custody so they spend the majority of time in that home. His $$ pays the rent, the groceries, etc, so they take into account what he's contributing to their life.
In MI step-mom's income isn't taken into consideration (rather, the new spouse of the non-custodial parent) because the state sees it as it is 100% the non-custodial parent's responsibility to uphold their financial obligation to the children. Even if my DH were unemployed he would still be "on the hook" for his child support.
My advice is to go to court as a court order is legallybinding. Even if BM agrees to a loweramount outside of court she can renege at any stage and look for ?back? childsupport.
It depends on your state but certain factors have to happen beforeyou can re ?evaluate CS. For instance asubstantial change in income of a certain percent or a certain amount of timehas passed. Your DH will have to contactan attorney first to see if it is even possible to re-evaluate.
Word to the wise ? you might be better off to let sleepingdogs for the moment. Let?s just say youre-evaluate now and the amount is fixed based on your DH and BM income only ORmore likely not changed as there have been no significant changes to income,you will not be able to re evaluate again anytime soon. Sooo if you are TTC or planning to my adviceis to wait and have CS re evaluated then so that all factors are taken intoconsideration.
BTW very few states take step parent income intoconsideration and getting married has no bearing on CS. It?s kinda viewed as the child was therefirst and your DH should have weighed up if he could afford to marry you. So unless your DH has had a considerabledecrease in earnings I would not re evaluate yet.
An attorney will do the calculations for you and some offer afree consultation so that really is your best option.
Good Luck.
You need to check with the state, but many allow a re-evaluation every 2-3 years.
They also allow a re-evaluation when there is a change in income that reaches a certain % (more OR less).
And Daycare is considered as a "life event", like loss of insurance, etc that COULD be used to open a re-evaluation.
I used one of the calculators for my state that I found online, and by conservative estimation, eliminating daycare cut our CS by about 40%. In theory, if we request reevaluation now (given the impact it could have, I don't think we should wait), and then H and I have a baby in under 2-3 years, would that be considered a "life event" and grounds for reevaluation again?
Edit: I just answered my own question. Looks like in my state, you can reevaluate every 12 months, as long as there's a 10% change. I'm obviously pretty inexperienced in dealing with this stuff, so I appreciate the input!
Just so you know, MANY states do not refigure CS because of additional children. The reasoning is you know there is already a child and you should be able to consider your existing finanical obiligation to that child before adding more and if you can't afford it they aren't going to create a hardship for the child you already support.
Also, a thought, you said you don't know BM's salary but she is a teacher. In my state and many others, teacher's salaries are posted by name every year in the newspaper. You could google her school district and salaries to see it.
Things that can be additonal expenses add on top of CS: Camps, enrichment classes, sports/scout fees/dues. I have also seen included a brithday party gift expense...Meaning the addional cost of buying gifts to the child to give at friend's party's but it's usually worded as an agreement to pay for every other.
Also Heath/dental insurance can be an add on depending on who pays for it. IN my case I cover the health/dental insurance the my ex has to pay his portion of the premiums as part of the CS payment.
Wow, I can't believe I hadn't thought of that. Just located the exact numbers without even doing much research. Thank you!
I hadn't considered additional expenses, as we haven't really kept track of incidentals like that in the past. I really don't want to count every penny where SD is concerned, I just want it to be fair for both sides. If we're paying twice what we should be, I think that's pretty unhealthy for us. H and I do cover SD's insurance, so I've got that added in.
Thanks again for the help, this is very useful info for us to think about before taking the next big step.