Difficult Situation

soontobehimes

This is a tough one. In November, my dad asked my husband and I if he could borrow $7,500. He owns his own business and has ran into some problems (like a lot of businesses in this economy). My parents have/will do anything to help us.. so it wasn't even a question in either of our eyes. He said he would have it back to us in a month. We've yet to get it back. In February, he asked us if he could borrow another $2,000. I asked him when we would get paid back and he said ASAP. We had this money saved because I am student teaching in the fall and am currently without a paycheck. We've since went through the other money we had saved and really need this money. I called him three weeks ago to tell him that we are getting to the point where we HAVE to have it. He said he'd get it to me within a few days. Nothing. Then, Sunday.. he told me he'd get me some money this week.... NOTHING. I'm scared. My family needs this money to survive. We have bills to pay. My husband and I have began arguing because things are getting tight. It may be selfish, but I am now just getting pissed that we can't live the same lifestyle we've been living because we're owed almost $10,000!!

The worst part about all of this is that my dad asked me not to tell my mom when all of this first happened. I don't really understand or agree with keeping things like this from your spouse (and I would NEVER do that to my husband). But, he's my dad.. and I have respected his wishes. My mom and I are extremely close.. so this has been hard for me. Especially because she has mentioned a few things to me such as: why I haven't got new tires for our car yet (we really need them) and mentioning taking a small vacation in a few weeks. These are things we can't do without the money from my dad. I feel like I'm going to have to tell her if she keeps mentioning these things.

I am lost. I don't know what to do anymore.

kgs0505

Money and family is so hard. Personally I never lend money with the expectation that I'll get it back. Great if I do, but I don't lend it if I really need it. That said, I think you need to involve your mom. There is obviously something serious going on that she should know about. If he didn't want her to know my suspicion is he's hiding something else... not just trouble with the business. Does he gamble? Do drugs? This request for money and not following through with repayment (and short term repayment like he promised sounds fishy anyway), plus add in the secrecy sends off loads of warning bells on my mind. You have to bring in your mom ASAP. He might be mad, but something not right is definately going on and your mom deserves to know the truth of her own financial life. Good luck, this kind of thing really sucks.

sweetpea2718

I agree with pp about bringing in your mom.  Perhaps you can talk with your dad and explain that you need it now, ask why he can't give it now, and tell him that you feel the need to involve your mom because you're frustrated and you don't like keeping things from her.  

Twinkz

kgs0505:

Money and family is so hard. Personally I never lend money with the expectation that I'll get it back. Great if I do, but I don't lend it if I really need it. That said, I think you need to involve your mom. There is obviously something serious going on that she should know about. If he didn't want her to know my suspicion is he's hiding something else... not just trouble with the business. Does he gamble? Do drugs? This request for money and not following through with repayment (and short term repayment like he promised sounds fishy anyway), plus add in the secrecy sends off loads of warning bells on my mind. You have to bring in your mom ASAP. He might be mad, but something not right is definately going on and your mom deserves to know the truth of her own financial life. Good luck, this kind of thing really sucks.

I agree completely with everything said here.

soontobehimes

I undestand why someone on the outside looking in would think there's something else going on, but I know it's strictly business related. My brother works with him and I have talked to him about it. They're in some serious debt with the business. I know the right thing to do would be to involve my mom at this point.. but that's easier said than done. I don't want to break my dad's trust. It's a pretty sucky feeling.

YouandMe912

Aw this is tough. I'd talk to your dad and tell him you need the money now and it might be best if he takes out a loan from the bank to cover you and whatever other debt he has to cover.

amy259

I think that you should tell your dad HE needs to tell your mom and if he doesn't you really should sit everyone down including your H. If they need to get 2nd jobs/work overtime to make more money to pay you back then that's what they should do. I know it's not easy to find a job these days but they can try. Also, you need to think about if your dad loses the business I doubt you will ever see that $$ so you guys need to try to save $$ in other areas. Ask your dad if he can get a loan from the bank like pp said...

Sorry you are going through this I can't imagine how you are feeling.

eturp

kgs0505:

Money and family is so hard. Personally I never lend money with the expectation that I'll get it back. Great if I do, but I don't lend it if I really need it. That said, I think you need to involve your mom. There is obviously something serious going on that she should know about. If he didn't want her to know my suspicion is he's hiding something else... not just trouble with the business. Does he gamble? Do drugs? This request for money and not following through with repayment (and short term repayment like he promised sounds fishy anyway), plus add in the secrecy sends off loads of warning bells on my mind. You have to bring in your mom ASAP. He might be mad, but something not right is definately going on and your mom deserves to know the truth of her own financial life. Good luck, this kind of thing really sucks.

I definitely agree with this. It makes it hard when it is family but I would suspect that your dad probably exhausted other ways to borrow money before coming to you and might owe more than just you and your H $$. That's why I DEFINITELY think your mom needs to know what's going on. He could have jeopardized any retirement savings or taken out a second mortgage on your parents house if his business is in trouble and she deserves to know. Not to mention it could put a real strain on your relationship if something serious comes out and she finds out that you were part of it. As pp have said I think your dad needs to be the one to tell her but I would seriously consider giving him an ultimatum that you'll tell her if he doesn't. GL! This is a tough one

homelyauthor

I don't really have anything new to add that others haven't said, other than-- does your dad know just how badly you need that money?

My heart hurts for you. I really hope this gets resolved quickly. 

soontobehimes

Thank you all for your responses! I've definitely never been in a situation like this and I hope I'm never in it again. I will let you all know what happens when this all gets settled out. Thanks again.

chary412

Oh man, that's really hard. Sorry to say, but usually people don't ask for large sums from family until they're already way overextended, so chances are high that he's not going to be able to pay you back at all. I have no idea what to do about the personal side of this, but financially, I'm afraid you need to start assuming it's gone.

charley7

I def have experience in this issue, I finally had to cut my mother off when I got married.  I told her NOT to ask anymore b/c it no longer just involves me.  She has respected this although I have "given" her small amounts here and there b/c I have it and wanted to w/o the expectation or NEED really to have it back.  I am so so sorry that you have lent this to him b/c I have a feeling something really wrong is going on with your dad's business and that he won't be able to repay you....you'll just have to do what you feel is best for you, your husband, and/or your parents.  None of us unfortunately can really give you the best advice b/c we don't know your entire situation.    I wish you the best though and hope it works out, and soon! t & p