How do I deal?

firsttogo

There has been some drama this week with DH's family to say the least. I posted earlier, but bottom line is that since then, there have been things said to me via  text, to DH verbally and in text from his mom, SD, and sibs. These things were incredibily hurtful, and honestly not something I am bound to get over, and I am exceedingly forgiving, and understanding.  My reaction after thinking a couple of days is to write them off. F-Them, and cut ties, they will not be around my children, me, my home ect. 

That is what I would do if I were the boss, but they are at the end of his day, biologically related to him, and it really should be up to DH. We have struggled with this warped family for years, and our counselor has always told me that I do not need to initiate the cut off, that they would dig their own poop hole. For me that day has come. Too many hurtful things have been said, and done in the past week (and 11 years) and I am ready to hang it up on them. How do I approach this with DH? 

MyShellyBelly

First off, major (((hugs))) to you for having to deal with this.

I would express your concerns and feelings to your DH. Definitely let him know where you stand on the situation. Hopefully he'll agree with you and you won't have toxic people in your life any more.

I have a very close friend who has a whack-o for a MIL. Her DH finally told his Mom she needs to seek counseling and that they would no longer be in her life until she went. She still hasn't gone and they have still not spoken to her.

Good luck sweetie!

ela81

I don't really have much of an  answer for you. I don't really care to have much to do with dh's family. We don't really have contact with his siblings (his choosing), they text each other on their birthdays. He still contact with his parents (we see his one brother when we visit-about every year or so, b/c he lives with them (yeah, he's 29......), while I don't care for them much (i like mil more than fil) they have not done anything yet for me to have a real convo wiht dh about cutting ties). If they start treating DD different I know he will cut ties w/o us even having a convo.

(((hugs))) Crappy situation.

perry7285

i guess my advice would be to let DH decide whether HE writes them off, but to go ahead and decide for yourself (without needing his permission) to cut them out of YOUR life. and, if you think they aren't good for the LOs, to cut that tie as well. so saying to DH that it is fine if he wants to spend time with them and you will support whatever he feels is right for him, but that you will no longer be joining him when he visits them and you would appreciate it if they not visit your home anymore unless you can make arrangements for yourself and the LOs to be elsewhere at that time.

it's hard to give good advice without knowing a million details on the situation and your dynamic with DH on this issue, but in a hand-waving sense, my advice is to keep boundaries here and deal with YOUR relationship with them, not DH's relationship with them. what i'm afraid of is that if you push DH to cut them off, the two of you will polarize into two positions with him being more sympathetic to them than you are. it's a nightmare when couples polarize into two conflicting views like that

best of luck with whatever happens, sweetie. 

dundasgirl

Without knowing the particulars of the situation...I think that your DH should definitely stand beside his wife and not let them talk down to you/insult you or whatever.  But...

I can't imagine telling my DH that our kids couldn't see their grandparents anymore...or that DH couldn't see his parents anymore.  Since you do see a counselor together, I would bring it up at the next session so that you and DH can talk constructively about this. 

Good luck...that would be tough all around.

DavezWife

I don't have any advice. (I know weird. I'm shot. Sorry)

But I will give you some hugs, b/c I know it's hard, and you are a good, good person.