Questions and Birth Story -

lmg423

Here I am, 8 weeks post partum and starting to feel some kind of way. 

When I was pregnant my husband and I took Bradley classes to prepare for the birth. I wasn't hellbent on having a natural birth but I wanted to be fully prepared.

I went into labor naturally at 41 weeks. I stayed at home for almost 12 hours of labor and when i got to the hospital was at 5 cm. Over the next 12 hours of labor in the hospital I progressed to what they were calling 8/9 centimeters and then was "stuck" for 4 or 5 hours. I had gone naturally up until this point. I was actually surprised at how easy my labor was. I don't think I reached transition though because I was really pretty calm and relaxed most of the time. 

In Bradley classes we learned how not all labor follows the typical pattern of increasing dilation over a certain amount of time. I forget the word for it but I think that's where I was just at that plateau.

Anyways, the doctor started talking csection at this point. Everything was going fine heart rate wise and all that but he started talking what if's and how I had fought for so long but the baby just wasn't coming. "She was telling us something" and "She might be too big" - She was 8lbs 13oz.

I was prepared for this discussion to happen and how we were going to deal with it. We asked for some more time but the doctor strongly advised against it.

In my head I thought, okay I'll try for a VBAC next time. I was ready to quit and just get her out and healthy. So we did the csection. It was fine. I felt pretty good afterwards- as good as can be expected. The doctor did a fine job. I recovered quickly and easily. Ella was born healthy and I was healthy too. Really that's all you can ask for in the end.

However, when I would watch the birth videos and see a vaginal birth where the baby lands on the mom- I would tear and cry. I was really looking forward to that moment. To having my mom and husband in the room watching me push this baby out. And having time in the room to cuddle and love on her. With the csection, I felt her come out but didn't get to see her until she was wrapped and brought over to me. I didn't get to see my dh cut the cord. And my mom had to wait in the waiting room. I didn't feel that sense of I don't know - love or emotion. I was shaky from the csection and while I remember everything, I also felt a bit out of it.

I got to hold her after maybe 20 minutes in the recovery room afterwards and tried to nurse but for some reason that didn't go well and never went well. We ended up supplementing with formula and now are only formula.

 While it's not overwhelming guilt, I do sometimes wonder what if things had gone differently. 

She's only 2 months now, and we're not planning on having another for at least a few years. But I think I may want to try for a VBAC next time. How hard is it to find a doctor who will support this choice? Are there huge risks involved? Am I strong enough to fight for this if I caved the first time?

lorryfach

How hard it is to find a doctor depends where you are. Check ICAN (ican-online.org) to see if they list any providers near you.

There are risks. There were also risks with the birth you just had, and there would be risks with a repeat c/s. In ALL kinds, there's a very small, but real, chance of something major happening. There is not a major difference in how much risk there is between VBAC and RCS (assuming healthy mom and babe), but some people are more comfortable with one set of risks than the other.

As for if you're strong enough, I don't think it's really an issue of being strong. It's an issue of how much you want it. Some women just want the chance to go into labor on their own and if a VBAC happens, that's cool. Some women will do anything to get a VBAC, even if it means taking big risks. If you look back over some of the posts on this board, you'll see some discussions about "would you VBAC if you had (insert condition, problem, situation here)" and not everyone feels the same way. I don't think it's because some women are weak, but just that we all have different priorities and comfort levels. You have to be strong to go through a birth, whether it's VBAC, planned cesarean, emergency cesarean, totally uneventful and normal vaginal birth? really, they are all big deals in their own right! And they all take different kinds of strength.

Congrats on your baby girl!  

iris427

You are definitely strong enough.  It takes strength to bring a child into the world and you have already done that.  It's just a matter of deciding whether VBAC is what you want.  Please don't think of it like you caved--you made the choice that felt best to you at the time and there is nothing to feel bad about in that.

The main risk of VBAC is a uterine rupture.  The odds of this happening if you've had one low transverse cesarean incision is around 0.7%.  It's a serious complication but most ruptures have good outcomes.  You would have to do over 7000 elective RCS to avoid one fetal death from uterine rupture.  Other than this risk, VBAC is no different from any other vaginal birth.  RCS also carries risk, some of them potentially serious, like an increased risk of maternal death, postpartum hemorrhage, hysterectomy and placenta accreta in future pregnancies.

Some areas have lots of VBAC providers, some have none, so it depends on where you live.  Check to see if you have a local ICAN group.  Otherwise you can ask around--doulas, childbirth educators and La Leche League leaders are usually good information sources.  I found my VBAC doctor by searching on Mothering.com's forums and a local Yahoo group for moms.

Battlebaby09

I can't offer much other than understanding. That sounds a lot like my situation. I was blessed to BF for 9 months, but I still want the birth experience. But very grateful for healthy baby. Hang in there it will all come.