Kim's post made me feel guilty :(

GiGi1221

I feel awful.  I teach classes two nights a week and have a farmer's market- late shop night one night.  So I'm away from my babies 3 nights a week right now.

I also work Tuessday- Friday and some Saturdays.  My husband and I had to go to a wedding out of town when the boys were 2 1/2 months old.  We were gone for 3 nights.  We also sent them to my parents for the week-end when they were 8 months old so we could spend the week-end baby proofing and getting it on

 But I just feel so bad now! I have a hard time leaving them but I am also trying to grow my business so I can quit my "real" job.

I rationalize it that it's good that they're building a strong relationship with their dad, etc- but maybe I just suck!

We were just talking about taking a road trip to Door County or Chicago too- argh 

Sorry for the whine...maybe I need some wine...

juliannat

Get your corkscrew out, lady! You should NOT feel guilty! Time away from the babies is good for both you and them. And it sounds to me like you're doing what you gotta do work-wise, so there's no shame in that.

I would LOVE to have more help around so I could get away, even for a night.

Drink up

nikinikinine

I think you should feel quite the opposite. It's important for your mental health and sense of well being to have time separate from your kids. You aren't constantly dumping them off, but you came first and they need to be part of your life and routine, they shouldn't BE your life and routine.

It sounds to me like you have a healthy balance. 

Enjoy your days "off" from mommying, we ALL deserve a break once in a while!

GiGi1221

Thanks girls- I love the boys so much but I do need time away from them.  I still feel guilty though... it's hard because I have so many interests and am a crazy social person!

Nikki- did you see my reply about diastasis?

kimarino13

I am sorry!   I promise that wasn't my intent!

I am fully aware that I lack balance.  And that isn't good.  But I am trying to listen to my gut and just very recently, my gut says it's time to nurture my marriage a bit more, and have some "me" time, too!  I have forgotten what it's like to be Kim That Has Fun and Kim Who Is Fun.  I have been Kim Who Has Been Trying To Have a Baby and Kim Who Was On Bedrest For 4 Months and then Kim The Mom of Twins Who Works Full Time.  I have forgotten "Just Kim."

GiGi1221

I know that wasn't your intent Kim- no worries!

I just feel bad because I really do love the boys but I am also a butterfly.  I'm really active in our community so I get out a lot and am expected to show face at a lot of events.

I too am having a hard time finding balance right now.  I am working way too hard and too much! I'm hoping it won't be for too much longer!

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we're young, so our marriage is still a top priority for us and hopefully always will be.  I adore my husband and really enjoy our time together.

I hope you get your time away soon and that you really enjoy it!

kimarino13

Yeah, it sucked going through all that IVF shiit because everything took a back seat to shots, RE appointments, egg retrievals, embryo transfers, MRIs, surgeries, etc.  Then when I was pregnant, I was horribly sick until 20 weeks and then went on bed rest.  It's like I have just gotten used to this new life, but that's not good!  MH and I used to have a ton of fun together and I miss that!  And I am finally feeling ready to get away for a day or 2.  I think.  The girls will be in great hands with my parents, so no worries there!

I think so much of it is the IF guilt.   I think of my IF sisters who are still in the trenches and feel guilty taking a "day off" when they'd give up everything to be in my shoes, with two wonderful children.

Sigh.  My brain is always going.

GiGi1221

I have similar guilt.  I feel bad that I just happened upon having twins- like i don't really deserve to be a MoM because I didn't have any struggles.

I know bedrest has contributed to my lifestyle now too.  Those 3 months glued to my couch made me appreciate life so much more!  Now, I can't sit still because I feel like I lost 3 months of my life- ya know?

amanda31H

You guys!!!!!

This is one of the MANY things in life where everyone's situation, comfort level, and experience is unique to them - and THAT'S OK!

My friends have two kids and their oldest is 4.  Last month was the first time they'd left them both for a night- and all they did was drop them off at Grandma's while they had the house to themselves.  But they were ok with that.

I've been away a couple of times now and my kids just turned one!!!!!  

It's so different for everyone so don't even try to pressure yourselves by comparing.  We're all doing the best we can with the hand we were dealt.  I think most of this is making sure your needs are taken care of.  For some that means I night alone at 6 months.  For some, it's a night alone at 2 years.  

Kim - it's smart that your listening to your gut about getting away with your husband.  Do what's best for your family and don't worry what other families are doing.  My friends are all in total shock that my husband is sending me off this weekend and taking care of the kids for 24 hours (oh my, the horror!!!) - every marriage and family is different.  Do what's best for you guys. 

MrsLnt

GiGi1221:

I have similar guilt.  I feel bad that I just happened upon having twins- like i don't really deserve to be a MoM because I didn't have any struggles.

I know bedrest has contributed to my lifestyle now too.  Those 3 months glued to my couch made me appreciate life so much more!  Now, I can't sit still because I feel like I lost 3 months of my life- ya know?

I feel that way a lot, too.  I have even more guilt because I had an easy pregnancy and didn't have any bedrest.  Like, I don't deserve this without any struggles.  

Do men struggle with all of this guilt? I doubt it.

kimarino13

Thanks for talking me through this, guys.  I think I just needed to hear someone tell me that I am not a shitbag for wanting to have some me/me&MH time.  When the girls are older and my parents live closer, we'll get away more often.  But it's been hard to just bite the bullet and do it so early in their lives!

akaMrsL

I think you have to do what's right regardless of what others think.  I just had a fabulous girls weekend with 4 of my BFF at a spa in AZ.  We've known each other for 25+ years.  I had a hard time committing to the weekend but knew that the chance of all of our schedules being open at the same time for 3 days wasn't going to happen anytime soon.  I missed the girls terribly and constantly was texting my DH.  He was great and sent me a ton of updates and pics.  I was lucky that DH had the girls for 2 days and then my MIL had them overnight which she LOVES.  I'm glad that she was able to have that bonding time with them. 

It was fabulous to actually be able to sleep in and finish a meal.  

JosiePosy

I know this isn't the same thing, but I'm feeling a twinge of guilt over going back to school this fall. I already work FT and now I'll be gone one night a week and a few hours on Saturday too. I feel kinda crappy about it, but I really want to complete my undergrad. I feel like I'm away from them so much already.

Rangergal9

Don't feel guilty.  I have class every Wed night and try to go out with friends once every other week, so I miss nighttime sorta often.  DH and I left our older DD overnight for the first time at 2 months and then MIL would take her one night every 3 weeks or so.  Now she takes DD overnight every Thursday! She lives a mile from us so its not far.  Older DD just adores going there and we would have left the twins sooner but MIL can't take care of them alone so we had to wait for a weekend where her boyfriend was going to be around and not working his side job.  We honestly cannot wait to go away for a weekend!!!  I don't feel guilty about it at all cause DH and I really need it!