1 year today...can't help but feel a little sad

emaddock

Today is DD's birthday.  We spent the day being very excited about her big day and have a big party planned.  However, I can't help but feel a little sad.  Today 1 year ago was when all the chaos happened that forced the emergency c-section.  I love my daughter and am so proud of her and am proud to be her mom, but I wish I could feel 100% excited when I think back to her actual birth day.  Did anyone else feel similarly?  I love thinking about every other day of her life--filled with such fun and love, but her actual birthday is kind of sad and stressful for me.

MAprincess

I'm sorry there is a dark cloud over the day like that.  I did not feel that way- I know my c/s was necessary in my circumstance, but it was disappointing to me at the time.  I was sad that there were certain pictures that I didn't get,etc. because of the c/s. Try to focus on the good parts of her birth (like when you first saw her, held her, etc).  Don't let the chaos of that day cloud her birthday- I hope you had a great day with your big girl!

nosoup4u

Yep, I was definitely bummed and sad about DS1's actual birth day (he was unexpectedly hospitalized after he was born, with suspected sepsis, they bullied us into allowing him to have a spinal tap instead of watchful waiting, etc etc...).

Anyhoo, I was actually relieved when he turned one, bc I felt like we had all gotten through a hellish, awful year, and that things would only be easier with him, and how I felt about his birth.

iris427

Yes, my daughter's 1st birthday was hard for me.  Especially when people wanted to reminisce about her birth.  I just wanted to focus on her and not think about the birth itself.

The good news is, her 2nd birthday was much better.  I didn't feel sad and I really got to enjoy the day with her.  I hope you feel better on the next birthday. 

thebubble09

my daughter is approaching three months old now.  i am really really lucky that we did not have an emergency c-section, but she was breech and ended up a scheduled c-section- she just did NOT want to turn.  my doctors tell me that i'm a good candidate for a vbac and they'll do one if its safe, but we're years away from that.  this may sound crazy, but i've dreamed of giving birth for years and i feel really robbed of that experience.  i did not get to see her birth, i did not participate, i was groggy and i felt extremely sick throughout the whole operation and the whole day.  my family met her before i did (for more than 10 seconds in the operating room), her pictures were up on facebook before i ever got to hold her.  i know my experience was lucky compared to many others, but i was and am devistated by it.  i also did nto appreciate how my family treated me that day, they were extrmely invasive and we did nto get to spend any tiem as a family really until we came home.  i feel like such a bad mom because my daughter's birthday is filled with sad memories for me and not happy ones.  im thrilled that she is here and healthy, but i almost feel as though i'm waiting fo rher birth to happen, you know?  like it never actually occurred because i really wasn' tthere.  i dont have any advice, just offering that youre not alone in feelign this way.  it is really sad and really stressful for me too.

RandiDeeAnn

Mine wasn't really about her birthday. My experience with sadness/loss was all the time. I, like pp, felt totally robbed of the experience and as if I'm still waiting for it to happen. It took a VERY long time for me to bond with DD, and she was a terrible baby. I honestly think a lot of it was partially to do with the c/s. Maybe on some level she needed to bond wih me immediately after her birth and wasn't able to so it affected her negatively. I still do not believe my c/s was medically necessary at all. We are doing much better now and have a very strong relationship. But I still mourn (and even get mad) when I think about her first few hours and months. Everyone got to see her before me, except as she was whisked out of the OR. I'd almost bet other people held her...I don't want to know.

So no, you are not alone. It does get better, though.

LurkieLoo

Yup.  I cried at the time of birth on my son's birthday.  I'm so glad I'm not the only person who felt that way.  I tried to focus on him and how happy I was that he was in my life but its also the day/time that the worst thing that ever happened to me happened so its tough.