pushing
Abby's in this stage now where all she does is push Sarah around. She will chase Sarah and just push her out of the way. Anytime Sarah gets close to her, she starts screaming "NO SARAH, NO! Go back to mommy!" and pushes her away. I have NO idea where she got this from. I have NO idea how to handle it, either. We've tried to talk to her, we tell her over and over that we don't push our little sisters, sarah's a baby, etc... When Sarah does something to Abby (pushes or throws herself on her) we tell Sarah the samet hing- she has to be nice to her older sister. We've started to put Abby on time out for doing that to S, but she just laughs and say "ok!"
What do I do??? She was sooo ok with Sarah up to this point- hugging her, telling her she loved her, cuddling, etc... the last 2 weeks, though, she's turned into this mean older sister type. Ignore it? Keep time out? Any advice from mommies of older kids? What do you do about rivalry?
Re: pushing
everytime evan is playing with a toy mady automatically wants it and snatches it away. we've seen her play nicely with him and grab his hand and she will quickly start shaking his hand really hard. we do use time out and she takes well to it, she's at the point where she actually sits in time out and reflects on what she did then she will come back and apologize. i don't think it's a "mean older big sister" type of thing, i think they're still getting used to their little sibling and not being the only child anymore.
I am not there yet but I can see the same scenario headed my way. Its sibling rivalry at its inception and I am not sure you can really do much more than you are. There is already a small age difference between Sarah and Abby so they are going to be more peers than big sister and little sister. Does Sarah cry when Abby pushes her? Sophia is already trying to "show her muscles" so to speak when it comes to Isabelle now that Isabelle is crawling and moving around and can go and get her own toys. Its only with Izzy is on the floor with her that she does this. If Isabelle is locked up in the high chair and drops all her toys Sophia is the first person to run up and fill the tray up again but if they are on the floor together she tries to play a little rougher.
I do disagree with Eve, though. Unless Sophia purposely hurts her sister I am not going to put her in time-out. I do not want her to associate time out with her sister unless its a big deal. I do remove her from the situation, try to distract her, etc after explaining that she needs to be gentle, etc but its so early in their relationship that I am hesitant to punish Sophia yet. Now, if Sophia walked up to Isabelle while Izzy was pulling herself up and shoved her sister? Oh yes, she would definitely be in big trouble. She would not be allowed to play for a while. Whether it was time out or being made to sit still somewhere and watch all the fun going on without participating - there would be trouble. Sophia is 3 years older than her sister and knows better than to push or hit anyone - especially a baby.
mady goes from playing nicely with evan to playing rough within the blink of an eye. we can differentiate as to when its done purposely and that is when time-out takes place. there are times when she doesn't understand she's being rough and those are the times we explain to her she needs be careful/gentle etc.
in jenny's case, what is happening with abby and sarah does sound as if abby is doing this on purpose. time-outs aren't very every household though (i know parents who don't agree with it).
Sophia does the same thing, Evelyn. She will be playing sweet and nice one second and then snatching toys or pulling her sister away from something the next. I have yet to see her purposely shove her, throw something at her, or hit her in anyway. Those behaviors would earn Sophia punishment very quickly. I think it sounds like Mady and Sophie are both stretching their muscles a bit. Sophie in particular because she is used to being the top dog and at pre-school the #1 issue is taking toys from friends and teasing them. Similar behavior at home: "I am going to take this from you or yank on your because I CAN. LOL. And what are you going to do about it?" For sure its a power struggle.
the "power struggle" is exactly what we are dealing with now. it's frustrating as a parent because we don't want to see the baby getting hurt by the older sibling. if i have evan in his bouncer i feel safer when they play together versus if he was crawling and playing with her.
the joys of parenthood lol