I think you're overreacting. If she had suddenly stopped or tried to cover up what she was doing when you came in, I agree, red flags would be flying. But she continued to do it, and to me that says that she's not doing anything inappropriate. She is however being a typical MIL/G-ma, by not respecting her DIL's wishes. But that's an entirely different conversation that doesn't warrent the involvement of your ped.
I believe that other Bumpie ended up finding out her husband was molested by his mom when growing up. Her DH just didn't recognize it as molestation. It's a big deal.
We blow on their girly bits after baths, sometimes when we're changing their diapers or, when K was at the hospital, when trying to make them pee for a urine test sample, lol.
I don't think it is strange to do, perverse or sexual in any way - it makes them giggle like mad and probably feels refreshing to get a breeze on an area that is normally covered up by their diaper before creams or things are put on.
Although, I think it's fine for us to do because we are their parents - I think that if anyone else was doing it I would find it a bit strange, but it would depend on who.
I think the OP is overreacting a bit with the whole not letting her MIL be alone with the child from now on, etc. I'd just bring it up in conversation next time you and MIL are alone with a naked LO after a bath or something that it makes you uncomfortable and you would prefer that area not to be blown on. Then show her other bits that LO finds ticklish instead.
I agree. When DS has had a rash or been overheated I've blown on him to dry him off during diaper changes...he would normally laugh, so I'd do it a few times to make him giggle. I don't think it's a big issue at all. That's likely what happened with your MIL.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
I didn't read all the comments, but I blow on my kids to dry them before I put their diaper on. I figure the less moisture the better for their junk, regardless of the gender of the child.
I believe that other Bumpie ended up finding out her husband was molested by his mom when growing up. Her DH just didn't recognize it as molestation. It's a big deal.
You're not overreacting.
Really? That's really sad. I wonder if it had been better for him to not ever really know, though? Unless he was ok with the cycle continuing.
I think you're overreacting, sorry. She was just making your LO giggle, and I agree that she probably did it again after you told her to stop as a clear message that you were overreacting. Yes, you're the mom...and what you say should go, but this is her grandchild and she is a mother, too, so unless you question how she raised her children ( and maybe you do), I would trust her. I think sometimes we are conditioned to look for things that aren't there. Trust your instincts...do you really think she was molesting your child? Or is it just something you didn't like? Grandmas and Grandpas do a lot of things we may not like or do ourselves, but to make a huge issue of it isn't necessary, IMO.
On a side note...
Pediatricians are mandated reporters and if you tell your pedi something that even slightly suggests your child was in or is in a dangerous/abusive situation (i.e., sexual/questionable touching/activity), they HAVE to call CPS to investigate. Just be careful and make sure that IF that were the outcome, you and your DH would be ok with that.
I'm sorry that you allow your ILs/parents walk all over you. However, you shouldn't encourage other posters to lose their spine as well.
The only acceptable "message" that should have come across was that this is OP's child, and if a grandparent deliberately continues an action that she was asked not to do (particularly involving genitalia) she will have to get her grandparent fix elsewhere with someone else's grandchild.
I suppose you think I should have not said anything when my MIL and FIL fed my child wine and chocolate at 10 months because I got up for thirty seconds to get a glass of water at dinner? I mean geez, they're parents too, they know better.
I think you're overreacting, sorry. She was just making your LO giggle, and I agree that she probably did it again after you told her to stop as a clear message that you were overreacting. Yes, you're the mom...and what you say should go, but this is her grandchild and she is a mother, too, so unless you question how she raised her children ( and maybe you do), I would trust her. I think sometimes we are conditioned to look for things that aren't there. Trust your instincts...do you really think she was molesting your child? Or is it just something you didn't like? Grandmas and Grandpas do a lot of things we may not like or do ourselves, but to make a huge issue of it isn't necessary, IMO.
On a side note...
Pediatricians are mandated reporters and if you tell your pedi something that even slightly suggests your child was in or is in a dangerous/abusive situation (i.e., sexual/questionable touching/activity), they HAVE to call CPS to investigate. Just be careful and make sure that IF that were the outcome, you and your DH would be ok with that.
I'm sorry that you allow your ILs/parents walk all over you. However, you shouldn't encourage other posters to lose their spine as well.
The only acceptable "message" that should have come across was that this is OP's child, and if a grandparent deliberately continues an action that she was asked not to do (particularly involving genitalia) she will have to get her grandparent fix elsewhere with someone else's grandchild.
I suppose you think I should have not said anything when my MIL and FIL fed my child wine and chocolate at 10 months because I got up for thirty seconds to get a glass of water at dinner? I mean geez, they're parents too, they know better.
I never said anyone should walk all over anyone. If you don't trust your parents' or in-laws ability to care for your children, that's one thing. OP, never mentioned any other issues she's had with her MIL's care for her child. But, to throw the "I'm the mother!" card over non-threatening things (IM(and other's)O) is just creating a power-struggle dynamic in the family and dismissing and diminishing the role of the grandparent in your child's life. As for your wine and chocolate issue...maybe your inlaws have some questionable parenting skills that you have to look into. But the OP situation is completely different. My MIL likes to pinch DS's tushy, I don't love it, but she's not hurting him...he giggles..should I force supervised visitation on her...nope. I respect her as his Grandmother and just let it go. I prefer she and my parents have a happy time when they're with my LO, not
I would prefer the wine and chocolate over them doing anything I deem questionable to my son's genitals. Honestly, from the bolded comments... it seems like you are not acting as your child's advocate. I'd smack my MIL's hand if she pinched my son's butt, because 1) I want my son to know that is inappropriate behavior, even if it comes from a "trusted adult" and 2) I want her to know that it is inappropriate behavior. Otherwise, whose to say why a child might allow it when a stranger does these inappropriate actions?
Wait: so because Jamie wants her inlaws to RESPECT her son and she wants to raise him in an enviroment where he can learn to trust adults....she's ruining trust and respect?
I'm lost here.
Look, I wouldn't go as far as Jamie, but we are different people with different approaches. Thats fine. But yes, I wouldn't be ok with anyone repeatedly pinching my child's rear. I don't want to raise her to think thats normal or ok. IMO its not.
I don't think that makes me on a rampage to ruin family dynamics across America.
Holy crap! Seriously? It's his Grandmother, not just some "trusted adult". I'm a teacher and of a rational and sound mind so my children will be educated by myself and their father on what is appropriate behaviour and what is not. They will be smart enough to understand. I repsect my parents and my DH's mother and the fact that you would smack your MIL says a lot about your character and your family dynamics. It's the twisted mentality of people like yourself that have destroyed the concept of family, trust and respect in this country. I'm sorry, but you amaze me. You would really prefer your baby be given alcohol than a little pinch on the butt from Grandma? Really?
I'd honestly prefer neither. I certainly stood up for my child when his "trusted grandparents" gave him a finger of wine and chocolate. I would stand up the same way for him if they felt that inappropriate touching is okay "coming from a grandparent." If standing up for my child and preventing people from touching him in inappropriate ways is considered "twisted" to you.. even when you yourself just said you don't like when he pinches his butt... well, who is the person in denial here?
People are total cranks. Also, towels are scratchy. I get along with my mil so when she does something she knows I don't want/like I dot huff and puff and just blame it on her being old and stubborn. I know she doesn't do to be mean, she does it because I'm sure that's howshe thinks things should be done. And if the op is so sensitive about it you should change all the diapers youself - problem solved.
I have blown LO's penis to dry, I have also fan it with a diaper, he has smiled (I suppose that it felt good), I have no idea what could possibly be creepy about it.
The fact is, that yeah, babies might enjoy being cleaned in their genitals, what do you do, not wash them?
I'd be mad that she didn't stop when you told her to, if it made you uncomfortable, she had to respect your wishes.
I have blown LO's penis to dry, I have also fan it with a diaper, he has smiled (I suppose that it felt good), I have no idea what could possibly be creepy about it.
The fact is, that yeah, babies might enjoy being cleaned in their genitals, what do you do, not wash them?
Its creepy if you are doing it to make him smile. Not that he smiles as a by product of you trying to clean/dry him.
I find it creepy to blow on your kids genitals just to make them giggle. That sounds like a bad lifetime movie waiting to happen.
PEOPLE! THERE IS A POSTER THAT KISSES THEIR CHILD'S GENITALS!!!!1!!
Seriously! This is getting lost here! This is disgusting.
And to address the OP, she was probably just blowing on your DS to dry him out. It's NMS but I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it. What would annoy me is the fact that she did it again after you asked her not to.
Holy crap! Seriously? It's his Grandmother, not just some "trusted adult". I'm a teacher and of a rational and sound mind so my children will be educated by myself and their father on what is appropriate behaviour and what is not. They will be smart enough to understand. I repsect my parents and my DH's mother and the fact that you would smack your MIL says a lot about your character and your family dynamics. It's the twisted mentality of people like yourself that have destroyed the concept of family, trust and respect in this country. I'm sorry, but you amaze me. You would really prefer your baby be given alcohol than a little pinch on the butt from Grandma? Really?
I'd honestly prefer neither. I certainly stood up for my child when his "trusted grandparents" gave him a finger of wine and chocolate. I would stand up the same way for him if they felt that inappropriate touching is okay "coming from a grandparent." If standing up for my child and preventing people from touching him in inappropriate ways is considered "twisted" to you.. even when you yourself just said you don't like when he pinches his butt... well, who is the person in denial here?
Because I don't care for her doing that does not suggest nor mean that I think it's inappropriate that she does....because it's not. (I don't care for a handful of things she does, but as long as no one is getting hurt and there is no malicious intent, I respect her and her role in my children's lives). I prefer to educate myself on the proper ways to teach my children how to protect themselves, and to be the advocate for their health and safety. She means no harm and he is not being hurt in any way. Children need to learn the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touching and how to trust. I think it's also important to teach them to respect and trust their grandparents and we should lead by example. Remember we are talking about babies and there is a difference in how they are physically handled from older children. We all do things for and to babies in their care that we would never find appropriate to do to an older child. I try to keep things in perspective.
Um, right. I trust people who are trustworthy. If a grandparent is doing things that are deemed by me (and most other people) to be inappropriate, why would I enforce it and tell my child we have to respect and trust that person?
And I'm sorry, other than properly washing and bathing my child, there is nothing that I or anyone else should be doing to my child that would be considered inappropriate for an older child. I really don't see what you could be referring to here... except maybe blowing on their genitals as a game (as this MIL was doing) which is ALWAYS inappropriate.
I guess you would all think that I am wierd then. I've done quick kisses and light blows on that area for both my LOs (after bath time) . I love kissing them from head to toe. I would only do this while they are babies. They coo and giggle.
DS is three now so I don't smother him with kisses like I used to, but for DD who is still a baby, I still kiss her fingers, toes, head, belly button, etc. I don't view kissing her "area" as different from when I kiss her face.
I think its a little wierd because its your MIL, but not wierd if it was you doing it.
PEOPLE! THERE IS A POSTER THAT KISSES THEIR CHILD'S GENITALS!!!!1!!
Seriously! This is getting lost here! This is disgusting.
And to address the OP, she was probably just blowing on your DS to dry him out. It's NMS but I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it. What would annoy me is the fact that she did it again after you asked her not to.
My MIL was watching one of my boys when they were about 7 months, she was changing his diaper and said come here let me show you how cute this is...She was wiping his junk and kind of jiggling his whole body and he would bust up laughing. I looked at her like, "ummmmm" and in that moment it clicked in her head, she about died. She didn't mean anything by it, and was horrified when she realized it probably wasn't appropriate. Sometimes people under-think how something could be, sometimes people over-think it. I'd let it go.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Holy crap! Seriously? It's his Grandmother, not just some "trusted adult". I'm a teacher and of a rational and sound mind so my children will be educated by myself and their father on what is appropriate behaviour and what is not. They will be smart enough to understand. I repsect my parents and my DH's mother and the fact that you would smack your MIL says a lot about your character and your family dynamics. It's the twisted mentality of people like yourself that have destroyed the concept of family, trust and respect in this country. I'm sorry, but you amaze me. You would really prefer your baby be given alcohol than a little pinch on the butt from Grandma? Really?
I'd honestly prefer neither. I certainly stood up for my child when his "trusted grandparents" gave him a finger of wine and chocolate. I would stand up the same way for him if they felt that inappropriate touching is okay "coming from a grandparent." If standing up for my child and preventing people from touching him in inappropriate ways is considered "twisted" to you.. even when you yourself just said you don't like when he pinches his butt... well, who is the person in denial here?
Because I don't care for her doing that does not suggest nor mean that I think it's inappropriate that she does....because it's not. (I don't care for a handful of things she does, but as long as no one is getting hurt and there is no malicious intent, I respect her and her role in my children's lives). I prefer to educate myself on the proper ways to teach my children how to protect themselves, and to be the advocate for their health and safety. She means no harm and he is not being hurt in any way. Children need to learn the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touching and how to trust. I think it's also important to teach them to respect and trust their grandparents and we should lead by example. Remember we are talking about babies and there is a difference in how they are physically handled from older children. We all do things for and to babies in their care that we would never find appropriate to do to an older child. I try to keep things in perspective.
Um, right. I trust people who are trustworthy. If a grandparent is doing things that are deemed by me (and most other people) to be inappropriate, why would I enforce it and tell my child we have to respect and trust that person?
And I'm sorry, other than properly washing and bathing my child, there is nothing that I or anyone else should be doing to my child that would be considered inappropriate for an older child. I really don't see what you could be referring to here... except maybe blowing on their genitals as a game (as this MIL was doing) which is ALWAYS inappropriate.
I wasn't only talking about the genital area. We all tickle our babies, some even kiss their chunky little thighs, raspberries on the belly, all benign harmelss things...things like these, for an older child, are considered inappropriate contact. There are certain obvious actions that are reserved as appropriate for babies. Of course, kissing the genitals of a child of any age, by anyone, is disgraceful and punnishable. The OP's MIL was not doing that.
A couple things... sexual abuse is, more often than not, a perp that is close to the child. So yes, be leary even of grandparents when there is something obvious going on that is inappropriate. Second, there is nothing I do to my child right now that is unacceptable for an older child. I will blow raspberries on his belly and tickle his chunky thighs for as long as he'll let me, and I'll scream that from the roof tops because there's nothing wrong with it. None of those things, raspberries, tickling, etc, can ever compare to someone putting their mouth to their child's genitals.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
We blow on their girly bits after baths, sometimes when we're changing their diapers or, when K was at the hospital, when trying to make them pee for a urine test sample, lol.
I don't think it is strange to do, perverse or sexual in any way - it makes them giggle like mad and probably feels refreshing to get a breeze on an area that is normally covered up by their diaper before creams or things are put on.
Although, I think it's fine for us to do because we are their parents - I think that if anyone else was doing it I would find it a bit strange, but it would depend on who.
I think the OP is overreacting a bit with the whole not letting her MIL be alone with the child from now on, etc. I'd just bring it up in conversation next time you and MIL are alone with a naked LO after a bath or something that it makes you uncomfortable and you would prefer that area not to be blown on. Then show her other bits that LO finds ticklish instead.
A couple things... sexual abuse is, more often than not, a perp that is close to the child. So yes, be leary even of grandparents when there is something obvious going on that is inappropriate. Second, there is nothing I do to my child right now that is unacceptable for an older child. I will blow raspberries on his belly and tickle his chunky thighs for as long as he'll let me, and I'll scream that from the roof tops because there's nothing wrong with it. None of those things, raspberries, tickling, etc, can ever compare to someone putting their mouth to their child's genitals.
oh yea i'd be super freaked out! Every once in ahile i'll blow on DS' area if we got a super wet wipe but its only for a second cuz im afraid he'll pee. even if he wouldn't pee, i'd still be weirded out by standing there blowing air on my kid's junk. i know that they do like fresh air in there, so when it's real hot we take his diaper off and sit him in front of the fan and he just sits and dries off. I hope you don't have any issues with your MIL after this. maybe she meant it innocently, and hopefully she'll understand why it freaked you out.
Re: MIL blowing on DS "area."
I know, seriously.
And I find it hard to believe someone thinks its so innocent to kiss her kids' genitals but yet she can't even bring her self to say the word(s).
I believe that other Bumpie ended up finding out her husband was molested by his mom when growing up. Her DH just didn't recognize it as molestation. It's a big deal.
You're not overreacting.
I agree. When DS has had a rash or been overheated I've blown on him to dry him off during diaper changes...he would normally laugh, so I'd do it a few times to make him giggle. I don't think it's a big issue at all. That's likely what happened with your MIL.
Really? That's really sad. I wonder if it had been better for him to not ever really know, though? Unless he was ok with the cycle continuing.
I wouldn't involve a pedi, but OP is a mother - she needs to stand up for herself, and her kid, and approach the MIL directly.
I'm sorry that you allow your ILs/parents walk all over you. However, you shouldn't encourage other posters to lose their spine as well.
The only acceptable "message" that should have come across was that this is OP's child, and if a grandparent deliberately continues an action that she was asked not to do (particularly involving genitalia) she will have to get her grandparent fix elsewhere with someone else's grandchild.
I suppose you think I should have not said anything when my MIL and FIL fed my child wine and chocolate at 10 months because I got up for thirty seconds to get a glass of water at dinner? I mean geez, they're parents too, they know better.
I'm sorry, but blowing on your kid's genitals just to make them giggle is creepy.
Blowing to dry them? NMS but not creepy. Blowing on a child's genitals because it makes them giggle is flat out creepy.
For those of you who do, at what age do you think it becomes not ok?
No kidding.
Hey, how about you tickle them or make funny faces? What happened to those methods of making a kid giggle?
I would prefer the wine and chocolate over them doing anything I deem questionable to my son's genitals. Honestly, from the bolded comments... it seems like you are not acting as your child's advocate. I'd smack my MIL's hand if she pinched my son's butt, because 1) I want my son to know that is inappropriate behavior, even if it comes from a "trusted adult" and 2) I want her to know that it is inappropriate behavior. Otherwise, whose to say why a child might allow it when a stranger does these inappropriate actions?
Wait: so because Jamie wants her inlaws to RESPECT her son and she wants to raise him in an enviroment where he can learn to trust adults....she's ruining trust and respect?
I'm lost here.
Look, I wouldn't go as far as Jamie, but we are different people with different approaches. Thats fine. But yes, I wouldn't be ok with anyone repeatedly pinching my child's rear. I don't want to raise her to think thats normal or ok. IMO its not.
I don't think that makes me on a rampage to ruin family dynamics across America.
I'd honestly prefer neither. I certainly stood up for my child when his "trusted grandparents" gave him a finger of wine and chocolate. I would stand up the same way for him if they felt that inappropriate touching is okay "coming from a grandparent." If standing up for my child and preventing people from touching him in inappropriate ways is considered "twisted" to you.. even when you yourself just said you don't like when he pinches his butt... well, who is the person in denial here?
WTF?
Does DH think this is totally fine and normal because she did it to him?
WTF????
I have blown LO's penis to dry, I have also fan it with a diaper, he has smiled (I suppose that it felt good), I have no idea what could possibly be creepy about it.
The fact is, that yeah, babies might enjoy being cleaned in their genitals, what do you do, not wash them?
I'd be mad that she didn't stop when you told her to, if it made you uncomfortable, she had to respect your wishes.
Its creepy if you are doing it to make him smile. Not that he smiles as a by product of you trying to clean/dry him.
I find it creepy to blow on your kids genitals just to make them giggle. That sounds like a bad lifetime movie waiting to happen.
And to address the OP, she was probably just blowing on your DS to dry him out. It's NMS but I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it. What would annoy me is the fact that she did it again after you asked her not to.
FO REAL?
Um, right. I trust people who are trustworthy. If a grandparent is doing things that are deemed by me (and most other people) to be inappropriate, why would I enforce it and tell my child we have to respect and trust that person?
And I'm sorry, other than properly washing and bathing my child, there is nothing that I or anyone else should be doing to my child that would be considered inappropriate for an older child. I really don't see what you could be referring to here... except maybe blowing on their genitals as a game (as this MIL was doing) which is ALWAYS inappropriate.
You are a sick fvck.
THIS.
My Blog
A couple things... sexual abuse is, more often than not, a perp that is close to the child. So yes, be leary even of grandparents when there is something obvious going on that is inappropriate.
Second, there is nothing I do to my child right now that is unacceptable for an older child. I will blow raspberries on his belly and tickle his chunky thighs for as long as he'll let me, and I'll scream that from the roof tops because there's nothing wrong with it. None of those things, raspberries, tickling, etc, can ever compare to someone putting their mouth to their child's genitals.
I agree.
Great reply, and I agree completely.