SIL comparison rant. NBR, sort of (long)

kge9602

This is a vent/advice seeking combo...SIL is 28 years old and has a 2 year old daughter. Before she had said daughter (who will be referred to as E), she and I got along really well. She was always a bit immature for her age but nothing she ever did was horrendously aggravating, so it was what it was. Ever since having a child, she has regressed to the point of acting like a child. And I don't mean baby talk or little nuances because she has a child, I mean outright acting like a spoiled brat. She is the youngest and has always been seen as the baby in her family, has never had to do anything on her own, and has always had everything handed to her. Now I realize that none of this has to do with me and I don't waste time trying to change that, so again, I didn't care too much, but my MIL makes it my business by telling me/complaining about it. As someone who has had a job since the age of 15, went to college, has had a professional career for the past 10 years and has never asked for a dime from my parents, her behavior is unacceptable to me. I have never said anything to my MIL about my distaste for her daughter's actions but I'm so on the verge. MIL completely enables her, so it's her own damn fault for SIL being how she is...anyway, now that DH and I have a baby, MIL (and other in-laws) are CONSTANTLY comparing my daughter to hers. Keep in mind her daughter is 2 years old and I have a 3 month old. What is there to compare????!!! All I hear is "When E was that age, she did this" or "When J had E, she never did that" Blah blah blah!!!! I DON'T CARE!!! I'm not her and my child is not her child. I understand it's natural to compare to a point, but it's ALL THE TIME and the issue with my SIL's child is that there is something developmentally wrong with her...now before anyone flames me for how that sounds, let me explain. Here are a few examples of what they say..."she's the smartest baby ever," "she's so advanced for her age," "she's the light of our lives" And seriously, they mean it about a child that didn't walk until 20 months, is now 2 years old and says MAYBE 20 words, hardly ever smiles, prefers to play by herself and has hardly any social skills. She will literally give a blank stare when someone says, "smile" as they're taking a picture. Now, I'm not a child development expert, but I worked at a daycare center and a Montessori school for 7 years...that 2 year old is not "a genius." I don't feel it's my place to point that out, and I feel bad for E that they SO don't see anything wrong. I don't say anything but I'm just really irritated that I can't tell them about a milestone that my daughter has achieved without getting a comparison! I've mentioned this to DH and he was pretty indifferent..am I being too sensitive about this? Please, honesty is welcomed. How do you tell someone to stop comparing? On the flipside, my stepsister has a 7 month old daughter and she and I get along great. Her mom (my stepmom) was constantly comparing our girls and my step sister got tired of it and told her mom to knock it off. So I know I'm not crazy when it comes to not wanting to hear about someone else's kid ALL THE TIME. The difference there is that it's her mom, she can freely tell her that...this is my MIL, so it's a bit harder. DH doesn't really talk to his parents much, they mostly go through me to keep up family happenings, so asking him to mention it wouldn't really do much...especially since he didn't really see a problem with it. Should I just suck it up and keep my mouth shut? Oh, and did I mention that they all live within 5 minutes of us so it's not like I can "distance" myself from it...ugh. *shakes head*

hrushka13

I know how you feel! I hate when my baby is compared to the other - all our babies do different things, and have different personalities. I have a friend who had a baby 11 days before mine was born, and she acts like she is an expert and gives me unwanted advices all the time. Also the whole " Oh my baby is the smartest child!" Oh yeah? how ? she smiled twice at you while mine smiled once? Please!
I just avoid her now, and not strike conversation with her. I know yours are in-laws and live 5 minutes away, you could just try and come up with excuses not to see them as often.

citychicks

I would give them the "everyone is different" everytime they compare the two. If they don't stop after a week or two I would politely tell them that it really bothers you and that it isn't healthy for children to hear grown ups comparing them to other children.

thebubble09

from a bumpie with LOTS of family drama and similarly aged babies, so therefore lots of similar comparisons... stay out of it and keep your mouth shut.  i think it's okay to say something along the lines of "my baby is her own person and we're proud of her reaching every milestone at her own pace" and to continually say things like that-- but at the end of the day, remember that what is most important is tha tyou nurture your child and help her feel proud of herself for reaching these milestones!  it does sound like ther'es something going on with SIL's daughter- be grateful that your baby is healthy and ndeveloping normally and try to become immune to everyone else's comments.  that's how im coping!

kge9602

thank you guys for all your suggestions. i think ultimately, i'll just have to keep my mouth shot (difficult as it will be). i dont want to cause a rift in the family, but it wont keep me from thinking that these people need to get a clue! lol

CMBall

im sorry but i have to disagree with everone on this personally if it was my mother in law i would tell her to stop. My husband has a sister that is like that and she is quite abit older than i am. im not sure what they say when im not around but personally i dont care on that pont. if they were comparing my nice to my baby it would start and end there. My daughter is Unique, just like everybody else (no pun intended) it's not nessicary to compare her to my niece, a) because of the age difference and compleatly different up biringin between me and her mom. If they asked to come over or asked you to come over i would prolly be upfront with them and say "no i think ill stay home, im kinda over all the comparisions and that's all anyone seems capable of talking about."

 dont care if i piss people off because, she's my daughter, what i feel is right for her to be around goes and i dont care if anyone else takes offence to that. too bad it's not their kid. and as far as family goes, i talk to everyone how they talk to me. and i give them the same respect and courtisy they give me no more no less, sarcasm is my first language, english the second. and my family, MIL included, knows that.