Single Parents


I am planning on giving my daughter my last name. Her father has been pretty much non-exsistant for my whole pregnancy. He lives in a different state, but always promises to come to a couple appointments and when he doesn't come, he always makes excuses. I keep him updated on everything and he never seems to really care. A couple days ago he up and deleted me from Facebook and now he won't even talk to me. He claims to be coming here for her birth, so I am afraid of how angry he is going to get when I tell the doctor that she is going to have my last name, and what he might do if he is blind sided like that right there. I don't know how to tell him that I am giving her my last name, cause I am so afraid that he will yell at me or try and get her taken away from me. I need some advice on when I should tell him, how I should tell him and if I should be worried that she will get taken from me because of it.

Re: Help...

  • If he hasn't been there by now what makes you think he will actually go through with showing up for delivery?  I don't mean to sound harsh at all, but I think you are putting your cart before the horse.

     As far as what to tell him, it is really none of his business what you do if he isn't in your life IMO.  You need to do what is right for you and your LO.

    If he does show up then you have him escorted out of the hospital.  It is not his decision what you name LO.  You are giving birth to her and you sign the birth certificate not her father.

    Judging by his actions though, he wants nothing to do with you and you probably won't even show up.

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  • 1. He can't have your daughter taken away from you for giving her your last name.

    2. You can give her any name you want.

    3. You don't even have to tell him you are in labor. And if you don't tell him how would he know?

    4. If you tell him you are in labor and he shows up at the hospital you don't have to let him in.

    5. You don't have to tell the doctor the last name you are giving your baby.

    My suggestion don't tell him you are in labor. Wait until after you deliver and have had a little time to rest. Then let him know when he can visit you. Fill out all of the paperwork before he shows up. If you are not married then he will have to sign an acknowledgment of paternity or have a DNA test. You file for child support and let him file for visitation.


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    "There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."
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  • I would see if the hospital you are delivering in has pre registration. Then you can give them all the information for the birth certificate and babys name so you dont have to announce it in front of the father if he is there. I would think about if you really want him there though. Sounds like he might just ruin your special day ya know?
  • Keep him the f out of that hospital. I don't want to be bitter Betty here, but maybe watch a 16 and pregnant episode and then consider why this is even a dilemma? Nothing good can come out of this. Honestly.
  • The doctor is not going to ask you what last name you are giving the baby as soon as it is born. They will come in at some point and go over the birth certificate paperwork with you. You could simply state that you need more time to make a decision and complete it on your own.

    If he hasn't even shown up for doc appointments, do you really think he is going to spend the entire 48 hours at the hospital with you. Plus how would he even know when you go or where you are?

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  • He will find out eventually though because at some point he has to sign the birth certificate... doesn't he?  If I were you I would call the hospital and speak to the social worker there about how to do a birth certificate if the father is not there to sign it.  Maybe you don't even want him on the birth certificate. 

    I had my baby's daddy there in the hospital and was going through alot of grief because I had a c-section and wanted a natural birth and I was crying and he was calling me a *** and telling me to shut up.  He was better later on and I have mainly good memories from the hospital, but that sucked.

    I know how you feel though if you don't have anyone else you want to be there with you during the birth.  As much as I hate him he is the only one I wanted there for the birth.  
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  • P.S.

    I gave my daughter his last name and I regret it.  I might change it when I  can.

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  • I gave my daughter her dad's last name. Then she went 3 years without him even trying to contact us. He "claims" he didn't have my number but he did because he used to call me up when he was drunk. Anyways, the summer before she entered preschool I decided to change her last name to mine. I didn't want her to start school and wonder why she had a different last name than everyone else (my parents) It cost me A LOT but it was worth it in the end. After everything, it was well over $500.00 but I'm really glad I did it. He's not around so why should she have his last name...
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  • It's super easy to give her your last name. You don't tell the doctor. The hospital gives you forms that you fill out and give back to them. Only one parent has to sign the papers.

    Now telling him is the difficult part. Personally, he hasn't been there nor does he seem to really care so you shouldn't either. Just do it. Fill out the forms. I'm assuming you're the one who will paying for her doctor's appointment and you are the one whose insurance is covering her. It's just easier for her to have your last name. 

  • When he doesn't show up at the hospital (and I strongly suspect that he won't) you will have no choice but to give the baby your last name.  Also, in my state only the mother signs the BC.
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