when did you...

NicoleeBonsai

...finally accept that this pregnancy would be your sticky baby/ies?

it's not that i live in constant fear of something happening, i've just seen so much sadness with friends IRL and on this board that i can't shake this bug at the back of my mind that something might (and at this point, i know chances are very very low).

and there is also the jewish superstitious thing - we don't buy basically anything for babies until i'm like days from giving birth or, in my case with twins, have possibly already given birth (if they come really early). no baby shower, nada.

i really thought that at this point in my pregnancy i would be past that. i still pinch myself that i am sooo lucky to be pregnant and so far the babies are doing great.

i hope this wasn't too much of a debbie downer post, i just needed to get that off my chest.

whispergrrl

I think I started relaxing a bit when I started feeling the baby moving. Relaxed a bit more once I hit 24 weeks "viability"....although I know realistically a 24 weeker would have major challenges. 

Some days I kinda forget I'm pregnant...then I will notice my belly or she will move and I'll think to myself "oh my goodness....I really am pregnant!!"

I don't think it will be REALLY real to me until I'm pushing her out, though! *lol* 

etoyama

(((HUGS))) I think what you're feeling is very normal. I think this is exactly what stupid IF does to us I am almost afraid to say this but I have not fully attached to the idea that this is my take-home baby. I still have this fear that something terrible is going to happen. I don't think it's healthy to feel this way because it robs us of so much joy. one thing that has helped me some is getting past the viability mark. Maybe it will be the same way for you? I hope it'll happen sooner, though!

NicoleeBonsai

whispergrrl:

I think I started relaxing a bit when I started feeling the baby moving. Relaxed a bit more once I hit 24 weeks "viability"....although I know realistically a 24 weeker would have major challenges. 

Some days I kinda forget I'm pregnant...then I will notice my belly or she will move and I'll think to myself "oh my goodness....I really am pregnant!!"

I don't think it will be REALLY real to me until I'm pushing her out, though! *lol* 

i've been waiting for movement! about a week ago i felt some flutters, and then again last night i think i felt a small something. but i can't wait for real kicks and flips. i've also been thinking about things in terms of milestones... my next milestone is viability, then 3rd tri, then i get to start WFH more often, etc.

when i first got my BFP, my H said that he wouldn't relax until he had a baby (before we knew twins) in his arms!

esperanza123

. My acupuncturist asked me this question before I got pregnant and I told her I didn't know if I'd ever feel comfortable. However, around 21 weeks after the NT scan seeing that she was healthy and all her parts were "in order" I finally accepted that I was really pregnant. It was around then I started making my registry.

hep01

I am the same way! I have a dr.'s appt in the morning & I always worry that he will not see one or both of their heart beats or that something is wrong.

I really think it is the IF that has screwed w/ us so badly!!

September2007

Sadly, I haven't really accepted it yet... 

Every twist and turn, and every complication we've had, makes me grateful to still be pregnant, but I wonder if my body was telling me all along that it wasn't prepared for this?!  (hence the 2.5-year IF struggle).  Too late now, I know, and I would give my left arm/leg/whatever to make sure they're both okay for the next few weeks, it just makes me wonder...

And it's funny, I think back to our Anatomy Scan, at 18.5w, and everything was fantastic!!  No major issues, other than partial previa (and I'm not knocking that, trust me, I'm not, as I was freaked out beyond belief.)  But, to look at things now, I just have a whole different vantage point.

While I'm soooo looking forward to having the family we've always dreamed of, I'm scared that it's slipping away right in front of me, and is mostly beyond my control at this point.  This past month of monitoring appointments and the craziness of this weekend/week of issues has made me really re-evaluate what's important to me.  

FWIW - I don't think you're being a debbie downer -- I think you're looking at things realistically.   I think IF robs us of any sense of normalcy...  Just my .02.

lyse2143

Holy hell Nicole I can't believe you are almost half way!!!

To answer your question, I think after the anatomy scan when I saw B moving around like crazy and all parts there and accounted for. 

OrangeSmoke

I never did - it was quite a shock when they were born. 

I know it sounds stupid, but I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Not even when I was huge, constantly feeling the wiggling babies did I believe that I was going to be a parent.  I think it finally sunk in when I hit full term at 37 weeks.. then I got antsy, then they were here!!!!

In retrospect, the biggest regret I had with my pregnancy was that I didn't enjoy it more.  Sigh....

 

Temp935838312504158

Hey sweetie - I obviously have no advice for you but just wanted to say HI & can't believe you are almost 20 weeks! WOW - time is a flyin'!

I am sorry you are struggling with all this fear but I do think it is totally normal for someone who has gone through IF to have these fears. I know I will be the same way & unfortunately the "fear" doesn't go away once the babies are here. You will just have a whole new set of fears instead

Hoping that in time your fears will settle a bit & you can start enjoying your pregnancy! Will be keeping you in my thoughts & prayers!

Hugs - Heather

 

JenCW

With my first pg (which was multiples) I didn't believe it until days after the babies were born.  In fact, they were being released from the hospital, and I hadn't even cut the tags off of their clothes yet.  I thought for sure if I planned too much than something horrible would happen.

I realized after the fact how much I missed.  So this go around, while it's still hard to allow myself the joy, I'm really trying.  I know this will be the last time I'm ever pregnant, so regardless of how I got here, I'm forcing myself to start accepting things sooner.  Funny thing is, is it's this pg that I'm having some complications, but I'm still trying to take each milestone as a sign that things will be OK.

My hope for you (and all of us) is that through the fear we can find a way to savor the miracle of beign pregnant.  Hang in there!!!

it'sbabytime

I'm not there yet and I'm hoping it will come soon. Every week, every appt is a little milestone for me. Now that I'm halfway I was hoping to be able to really accept that I'm pregnant but I'm still feeling "what if". Ive been feeling him move around for about 2 weeks now and i will say each time i feel his is a reminder that so far hes doing ok. Hopefully when I hit my VDay it will feel a little better and as it gets closer I'll be able to accept it little by little.

Jenny952

I don't think I will until I have a baby in my arms.  But it was definitely easier to think positively after my 13-week appointment when I heard the hb again.  And every day that goes by gets a little easier.  It totally sucks for us who had a hard time getting here that we can't always totally appreciate it.  I'm sorry you feel this way, but I like to think it will make me that much better to be a mommy and really appreciate this baby.  (((hugs)))

Jessie*J

etoyama:

I am almost afraid to say this but I have not fully attached to the idea that this is my take-home baby. I still have this fear that something terrible is going to happen. 

This. I know 2 personal people who lost their babies right before going into labor. Just went in for an appt and the hb was no longer there. (one was at 39 weeks and the other was at 33 wks, which is still a bit early but still far enough along where most people don't worry). I live in fear that i'm still not going to reach the point of taking her home at times.

My LO's movement REALLY helps me to know that for now she is still doing great. But as others have said .... IF steals alot of pg happiness away. Hitting each milestone has helped as well. One day at a time : ). Sending you lots of positive vibes.

besu-chan

I am the same way, although it is still WAY too early for me to feel at all comfortable. Stupid IF!!

tvass1981

I was really nervous at the beginning.  Then after a couple of good appointments, where the babies had heartbeats and we saw them moving around on the u/s, I started to relax.  We announced to family and friends last week that we were pregnant with twins, and of course word has gotten around facebook since just from family posting congrats on my wall.  Strangely, ever since then I've started feeling anxious again, like I jinxed it by announcing.  I know it's ridiculous, but there it is.  I'm glad I've got another u/s on Thursday next week, but after that one we have to wait 4 weeks until the next.  We haven't gone that long without an u/s before, so I'm probably going to go a little crazy. 

kelfeen

I was getting a little bit more comfortable, not fully there but I actually bought a minivan and now I am kinda freaking out.  IF  something were to happen and I have this minivan.. I am just gunna lose it completely.  I haven't bought much else yet though - but I am really feeling the pressure to get things done too.  It is like my mind is in constant battle with my heart.  I want to prepare, get the nursery in order, buy cribs and furniture etc but on the other hand i am terrified.  To top it all off DH's cousin lost her full term- no complications at all baby just days after he was born last week.  Seeing that happen so close to home is gut wrenching. 

nycbride0707

Can I just say how thankful I am for this board-I feel like no one IRL understands why even now I still have constant fears something will go wrong. I thought after the good NT scan/bloodwork I'd feel better, now I'm hoping its after the A/S next week-but I really don't think this 'what if' feeling will go away until after the baby is born.

This weekend my parents had a BBQ and a bunch of their friends were there and they were all so excited and happy and all I could think of is-I hope all this excitement isn't all for nothing-like I almost get nervous talking about 'when the baby is here' in case it doesn't happen-and I hate that! My mom keeps asking when I want to go look at furniture/start to register, and I just feel like I need to wait until I am more convinced that I'm going to be taking home an actual baby!

 

patchen30

I'm still feeling really anxious about it.  We haven't done anything to prepare, like registering or buying clothes, etc. - but I figure we have a lot of time.  It's been scary even for me to buy maternity clothes even though I need them.  Sometimes I still leave the tags on some things.    I joke that I think I have PTSD - but no seriously, I kind of think I do.  My fertile friends are so blissfully unaware of potential issues during their pregnancies, and they so do not get how I feel.

Blessed1010

I haven't either.  I worry about Vanishing Twin Syndrome on a daily basis.