We turned down a private adoption.

PrincessShay80

We were approached by a birth mother- who is due with a baby girl in September- she just cannot parent and is looking for an adoptive family. She is not registered with an agency, but we discussed with our attorney and legally we felt okay with moving forward with chatting with her. I met with her over the weekend- she's very sweet and has several other children and just cannot handle one more- she wanted a closed adoption, and according to her medical records the baby girl is 100% healthy. However after discussing it with DH all weekend we said no. I am still sad about this, but it's just way too soon for us, DD is just 17 months old.

We were not even sure we wanted another child, we were totally happy with being one and done, but now I'm shocked in how sad I feel that we said no. Don't get me wrong I LOVE being able to give DD all my attention, but the thought of a brand new baby coming just made me so giddy. Although 2 under two was never something I wanted to do. I have to say it if was up to me, we would take her, however DH was the one that that brought me back to reality and said no this was not our plan.

I just know this is a dream situation- I know so many people who would kill for a healthy caucasian baby girl and here we are saying no.

 

 

inlovewithB

I can't even imagine how had that was for you! Sorry!!!

Jenn is Silly

I'm sorry- I can't imagine how you're feeling . If it helps just remember that she will find her forever family and someone will get the answer to their prayer in her.

PSU-NCBride

That's hard and I know exactly how you feel. Our son was 8 months old when we got the call about our daughter. We never wanted more than one child. This was a huge shock to us. Not sure why based on the history. I initially was giddy and wanted to say yes. My husband felt otherwise. We said no. We ended up changing our minds three weeks later. 

I think our decision was harder because they were full bio siblings. Although the timing wasn't ideal and we had no funds saved up, we ended up realizing we would regret saying no.

The hardest part about adoption is that you both have to 100% be on the same page. My husband said no many a time to other things and at the time I was devastated. However, if he hadn't we wouldn't have ended up here! Everything happens for a reason. Very cliche, I know.  

 

WillisReincarnated

That is such a tough call.  I hope you are at peace with your decision.

I must say, the idea of being approached by a BM is a dream (for me).  Do you mind sharing how she was directed to you? 

amm78

Wow, I couldn't imagine saying no, so I know it must have been tough for you!

How did she find you if you aren't seeking to adopt?  That is interesting.  I hope she is able to find a good family for her baby girl. 

jehnm

I hope you can find peace with your decision (or that DH changes his mind)  We only turned down one private situation and I know how hard it was. 

PrincessShay80

amm78:

Wow, I couldn't imagine saying no, so I know it must have been tough for you!

How did she find you if you aren't seeking to adopt?  That is interesting.  I hope she is able to find a good family for her baby girl. 

Our nanny knew the birth mother- she used to work at a day care center where she took one of her older children, she always stayed in contact with her, because she used to babysit for her as well. She had told our nanny that she was pregnant again and was looking to find adoptive parents, and our nanny told me, since she knew we adopted DD, asked if we were interested, and then put us in contact with her.

 

 

amm78

That just shows that networking through word-of-mouth can be a powerful tool, even when you aren't looking to adopt!  I just hope that my networking efforts will help me on my adoption journey.

JanieJones

I'm sorry you are feeling sad about it, it has got to be a tough spot to be in.

Floridamom224

I am sorry u feel badly about this, but it is great that you and DH are able to stay grounded and remember what is right for your family bc ultimately only u two know!  stay strong!  I also send you a PM!

mdm2137

I'm sorry you had to make this difficult decision. ((hugs))