Would you judge?

MirandaHobbes

You're at a restaurant and see two parents enjoying dinner with their 3 year old. The 3 year old is watching a movie on a portable DVD player with headphones. Do you judge?

stephsteph77

Heck no.  I would appreciate they were doing what they could to keep their child entertained so EVERYONE could enjoy their meals. 

veloelle

In a word? No.  Reasons: they have no one to watch kid, the child is a beast in public, it was a special treat for the child, etc.

DandelionMom

Honestly, I probably would a little even though it is a clever idea.

AZ_Erica

Nah.  my sister and I saw this a little while back.  We laughed.  If I thought my kids would actually just sit there and watch the movie I would consider doing it.

joseysbride

Nope.

There have been times when we've been traveling, C is starving, tired, and cranky...I let him watch Mickey on my iPod at the restuarant.  It gets us through the time it takes to order and get our food, and I don't see the harm if it keeps him happy and helps us keep our sanity.  Granted, he is younger than 3, but whatever.

acppa

No.  

DS is HORRIBLE at restaurants.  Sometimes you just really want to go out to eat and if he was distracting other patrons I would set him up with a DVD and earphones and not think twice.  

 

Jodi&Joe

My initial reaction would be "Really?!  A freaking TV ON the dinner table?"  and then I would realize that I'm just jealous they are enjoying their dinner in peace!!!

ppants

Yes.  When we eat together as a family, I engage with my DCs.  We don't get to sit down for dinner as a famly during the week (DH works too late) so when we dine out that's our dinner/lunch together.  I don't think it's a huge deal, but they'll have to learn how to behave at a restaurant sometime.

EliseB0323

Nope. We let DS bring his Nintendo DS with him to restaurants. I MIGHT judge a little if it were a teenager watching a DVD. There's a point where a kid should be able to hold a conversation over dinner.

Temp970088312507122

No, but I've also given the kids my iPhone if they're cranky. I'm more likely to get judged if my kids are screaming and crying. This more applies to my 1yo.

Starr57

Heck no. Going out to dinner makes portable DVD players and Leapster/Nintendo DS look all the more appealing to me.

Starr57

Heck no. Going out to dinner makes portable DVD players and Leapster/Nintendo DS look all the more appealing to me.

EastCoastBride

PMQ:

Kinda, but not too harshly because what other people do with their kids in situations like that don't really bug me.

I will say this...my SIL always gives her iPhone to my nephew when we go out for meals (usually out for breakfast at a diner-type place). She doesn't even give him a chance to get bored, she just sits him down and hands it to him (he's 2.5 years old). I am trying to get Ben used to eating in restaurants, plan in advance and try to engage with him when we go out because it's something we do frequently and I'd like for him to be part of what is going on, not zoned out on electronics. That said, I have given him my iPhone too, but only as a very last resport and it's usually because I pushed his limits or didn't plan properly.

This is where I'm at.  I'd probably do a double take and think "seriously?" but then I'd realize that in a pinch, we all do something that we may not have ever thought we'd do.

BUT I would wonder "is their their normal?  Do they just plop a TV in front of their kid to get them to "behave" instead of actually taking the time to teach their child proper behavior?".   Some parents absolutely do that, and that is more what I would judge vs the "in the moment" need.

Cbidt's girl

mrs_sexy:

Yes.  When we eat together as a family, I engage with my DCs.  We don't get to sit down for dinner as a famly during the week (DH works too late) so when we dine out that's our dinner/lunch together.  I don't think it's a huge deal, but they'll have to learn how to behave at a restaurant sometime.

I appreciate that this is your honest response. However, perhaps you might keep in mind that other families have different scenarios. For example, we have family dinner 7 nights a week so if on the rare occasion we are eating out I might choose to give my kid some movie time while waiting for the meal or for us the grownups to drink coffee. Fwiw - the family in question wasn't mine

prism207

Yes.  I can't see the need for it.  I've been traveling with a cranky 3 year old-we don't sit in a restaurant.  We pick up food and eat in the car or outside somewhere if it is an issue, letting the boy roam/make some noise.  So I don't think that is an excuse.  And a regular meal out some random evening?  Ick.  People in general need less technology/media in their lives and more social interaction, and that definitely goes for children.

DevonPow

Nope. Whenever we go to higher end resturants with DS I always bring my iPad in addition to coloring books, etc etc. I bring it out as a last resort, and usually at the end when the adults are having coffee, what have you, and he watches it with his headphones.

I wouldn't bring it to Panera or something, but it is gold at nicer places, especially if we are out later than usual.

MirandaHobbes

Wow, I'm surprised so many people said they don't judge- that's awesome! I just assumed this was a big ol' parenting no-no. DS has autism and we just discovered the DVD trick. It has been a lifesaver for long car rides and we just now tried it for restaurants.. it drowns out the sounds and distractions going on and helps him self regulate. On the other hand- there is much to be said about teaching kids to behave properly in restaurants, ASD or not. We got quite a few stares this weekend when we tried it for the first time. Our waitress especially, but after reading your replies she was probably just happy to have a quiet customer! I like the point made by PMQ that it shouldn't be an automatic thing- maybe we can work on having him wait to watch a movie until after he eats or something. He's pretty much impossible in restaurants- he doesn't play with toys or crayons like a typical 3yo so sitting in a chair for a long period of time is pretty incomprehensible at this point.

shopgirl78

I'm guessing you don't have a 3 year old.

Mine are usually playing my ipad...love it!

MaxandRuby

Nope.

I'm assuming the potential to judge though is that the child is 3yr old and not a teenager though.  Personally, when we go out to a restaurant with our kids I'll do whatever is necessary to keep them happy and relatively quiet so they do not disturb the other patrons.  If watching a movie will do it (since seriously coloring is no longer interesting after a couple of minutes with my 3yr old) then so be it.  It also means I can enjoy MY meal in relative peace.

ericanandy

EastCoastBride:

BUT I would wonder "is their their normal?  Do they just plop a TV in front of their kid to get them to "behave" instead of actually taking the time to teach their child proper behavior?".   Some parents absolutely do that, and that is more what I would judge vs the "in the moment" need.

Ditto this

Two weeks ago we had our 17 month old at my BFF's rehearsal dinner, which was 2 hours past bedtime, however as the MOH in the wedding I wanted my son and DH there for part of the evening because I'd be gone all day the next day, plus my son is like a nephew to the bride and groom.

So we came prepared with a DVD player, crayons, coloring books, bubbles, etc and chose a place in the corner so he could sit on the floor "busy". We also brought two cars so DH could leave if he got cranky/it got too late. (it did)

I did judge the mom's of the flower girls (two 4 year olds) who didn't bring a single snack, drink, "toy" etc to the wedding the next day. Even as we were to be there 2 hours before the wedding so nothing to entertain them.

I feel pre-DS I would have given them a side-eye, but now I give them a look and think what/how frequent is this situation. 

ericanandy

dup

ericanandy

Dup

Jinsy80

Nope, not at all. I wish we could do that with my three-year-old. She will hide under the table or start jumping/dancing within 20-25 minutes. She'll only color for so long. We normally do not go out to eat anyway.

dnagal

No.  I'm too busy with my own life to judge other families, especially if they're doing nothing to disturb me.  

We did this a lot with DD#1 when she was around 2, but stopped doing it as she got older and could be entertained in other ways.  Now that she's 4, we don't use it any more, and haven't for about 8 months or so.  Now she can engage more in our conversation, or entertain her baby sister, or simply color and draw (I ALWAYS bring something with me)   

rebs

Nope.  Although I will admit that at one time I would have (before I had 3 kids!) 

We almost never go out for dinner.  We have dinner together as a family every night.  So yeah, on the 2 or 3 nights a year we go out I would have no problem pulling out some technology if the kids were getting antsy.

On Mother's day the table next to us at brunch had a kid with an ipad watching Tangled.  By the end of brunch about 6 kids were sitting in the corner (inculing my 2 oldest kids) watching it too.  It was awesome to be able to relax with a coffee and talk to the grownups.

kellnbri

if there was food on the table and eating actually happening, then yes I would judge.  But if they are just sitting there chatting and waiting for food or what not, then no.  My kids are usually playing on our Iphones or something of the sort.

UGAbride

No, I wouldn't judge.  As much as I try to teach my children to behave in a restaurant, they are still really difficult.  We usually just do not eat out, but every now and then we need or want to...and I'd totally bust out something like that if I thought it would work.  So it's not like I've given up trying to teach them to behave, but I've learned that sometimes I just have to do what works for our family.

Glendi2.0

MirandaHobbes:

Wow, I'm surprised so many people said they don't judge- that's awesome! I just assumed this was a big ol' parenting no-no. DS has autism and we just discovered the DVD trick. It has been a lifesaver for long car rides and we just now tried it for restaurants.. it drowns out the sounds and distractions going on and helps him self regulate. On the other hand- there is much to be said about teaching kids to behave properly in restaurants, ASD or not. We got quite a few stares this weekend when we tried it for the first time. Our waitress especially, but after reading your replies she was probably just happy to have a quiet customer! I like the point made by PMQ that it shouldn't be an automatic thing- maybe we can work on having him wait to watch a movie until after he eats or something. He's pretty much impossible in restaurants- he doesn't play with toys or crayons like a typical 3yo so sitting in a chair for a long period of time is pretty incomprehensible at this point.

Funny, I was just going to post that in a past life, when I only had DD#1, I might have judged, but after DD#2 who has a ASD dx, I don't judge ANYTHING parents do... leashes, DVD players, lollipops at 10 am... I know there are plenty of parents who probably do this stuff out of laziness and not necessity, but I've walked one too many miles in my own shoes to not recognize that most parents are trying to simply do the best they can.  In our case, we do rely on the iphone, but always as a last measure. That doesn't mean I don't go to restaurants with a sack full of amusements to keep my highly active ASD kiddo occupied.

(I've also given up worrying about worrying what others think- it's really quite liberating! 

adri77

Hellls no.  I would have a couple years ago.  But now that I have a 2 and 4 year old, on the rare occassions we go to restaurants in which their behavior could be deemed "inappropriate" we bring it and ENJOY our food!

peekaboo716

veloelle:

In a word? No.  Reasons: they have no one to watch kid, the child is a beast in public, it was a special treat for the child, etc.

This. It also depends on the restaurant. We don't bring ours, but I do come armed with distractions so that we may enjoy our meal.

cnybride2be

omg a 3 year old watching a movie on a portable dvd player while i sat tables (or table) away trying to enjoy my meal?  I'm not sure I could digest my food properly over such a scene

seriously it's a non issue.  we have used ours for long car trips, not out to eat, but we would have if need be.  most recenetly the boys have played games on my ipad while waiting to see the dr.  i know i should've demanded their sick little butts  partake in pleasant but fevered conversation with me, but i handed them an ipad instead.

 

birdnkaz

Yes. I try not to judge outright but I don't think it's a good idea. For me, it sets a bad precedence for what kind of behavior I expect at the dinner table. It's one thing to be traveling in a car or in a waiting room but when we all sit down to dinner, I want my kids to be present, even at the age of 3. Why not go with more appropriate ways of distraction, crayons, etc? My kids love to sit and play 'tic tac toe' or just color at the table and we are still able to engage with them. I understand that people get desperate, I've left several restaurants because my kids were acting up. I just feel like you have to set the standard at a young age.

jessicaclare

I'm usually too preoccupied with my own kids to even notice what other people do with theirs. If I did notice, I probably wouldn't judge. Its not something I would do, but I have been known to let them play my phone just to get through the last 10 minutes of a meal. We really don't go out much, though. Its kind of a splurge and the last thing I want to do while "splurging" is entertain two kids.

MTbridess

Yup, I do judge a little from a parenting and health point of view, but I'm guessing that I might appreciate it as a fellow diner who didn't want to hear a kid whine or act out. 

Either way, I'm not sure you are doing your kid any service to have them watch TV in a restaurant while they eat dinner (same at home - we try really hard not to have the TV on during dinner).  It's more a judgement that we all have trouble unplugging and eating mindlessly when TV/distractions are around.  It seems like we are passing these traits to our kids, which can affect their communication and health.  I also have worked with, but rarely was in the situation to dine-out with, kids with special needs, so maybe it's the same as a sensory kid wearing earmuffs to minimize noise, but it still seems like it's not teaching a great behavior.  I'll probably eat my word this in 6-months or so, but I still wouldn't want to see this as the "norm" for eating out with kids in the near future. 

Just wondering what restaurant this was, I can't imagine and have never seen that at any restaurants I've been to recently.  Also why not just get the food to go if they want to have their kid watch a movie at dinner or pick a restaurant that is more kid friendly? 

PoundCake

I wouldn't judge simply because I don't care what others do.  The only way I would is that a few years ago I was at dinner and the family had 3 kids and all 3 were playing games and they were loud games.  It was annoying.  That I would judge if a parent couldn't make them turn it down.

I don't do it with my daughter only because we don't go out often and I don't want to make it a habit and with her sensory issues, I don't want her to rely on an automatic distraction.

Sheila92003

My DS is autistic too.  We have used the portable DVD player on a long car trip, but not at a restaurant.  He's pretty good at restaurants.  We have been using the portable DVD player while he's in the waiting room for doctor's appointments for a while now.  We started doing so after one really bad wait a couple of years ago for the doctor where he wouldn't sit still and I ended up with visible scratches on my face.  I would rather have him still and behave, than have him out of control and having others think he's poorly behaved.  We'll try to phase it out, but now it works for us.

joy143dh

What? No!  I thought this was why portable DVD players were made. :P  We go out to dinner A LOT.  When DS was younger (under 3), we brought it out and let him watch it after he ate dinner.   If anyone give us the stinkeye, I didn't notice or care what they think. Now that he is older, he is occupied with puzzle books and coloring pages so we don't bring the DVD player in.  FWIW, there has been no "habit" to break or table manner problems because of watching a movie for 30 mins at a restaurant.   

belle204

No.

Temp108743750006959

maybe? I love having dinner with my kid in a restaurant, so that is likely my bias. I do bring a mixed bag of 'stuff' when he starts to get a little bored -- generally low tech stuff. But I have given him my iPhone.

BubblyToes

Hell no.

I say whatever works.