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NWMR: elective c-section?
trinny
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in Working Moms
I have a friend who really wants her baby delivered by c-section. She just thinks she won't be able to have her child vaginally, since both her mom and sis had c-sections for all their kids. She just told me that her doctor agreed with her reasoning and preference.
I absolutely did not want a c-section and did a lot of research about birth, so I find myself being kind of judge-y on this one. Ultimately, it is her "choice" and I won't try to change her mind. But just wondering what you all think of this, so i can get some other perspectives?
ETA: I haven't and WON'T say anything to her about it. She's already made up her mind.
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Re: NWMR: elective c-section?
I think it should be the choice of the woman and doctor - period.
I had a HORRIBLE recovery from my vaginal birth - 4th degree tear, need surgery to fix (will be doing that next year)....
i LOVED my c/s with the twins- it was cake to recover from- felt great- loved the experience of being totally awake and happy while they were born - no pain, no exhaustion, etc.
I think every woman should decide what is best for her- and if her doc agrees- then so be it. women who judge based on their "knowledge" because they read some crap on the internet, or because they watched a movie that some granola celeb made to judge women - well, I'll just say that you'll enjoy getting judged about everything you do with your child for the rest of your life.... what goes around comes around.
I had a semi elective c-section. It was what was best for my family. My OB felt I would probably need one anyway and my choice was just to have one, or labor for 12 hours and then most likely need one... complicating recovery.
I healed just fine from the c-section and will have one for all subsequent pregnancies.
I had to have one due to prior surgery but I was not happy about it. It took me hearing my OB say there is a decent chance I would not survive a vaginal delivery for me to let it go. I believe 99% of babies come when they are ready and I didn't want to mess with mother nature. I would never choose major surgery if I had the choice.
That being said, to each their own, their baby, their body. I want to judge it but it is pretty irrelevant in the overall scheme of things. I told myself that a lot. Delivery day is a single day, it often doesn't go as planned but you move on. The act of parenting is far more important than how the baby exits.
I think it should be the choice of the woman and doctor - period.
I had a HORRIBLE recovery from my vaginal birth - 4th degree tear, need surgery to fix (will be doing that next year)....
i LOVED my c/s with the twins- it was cake to recover from- felt great- loved the experience of being totally awake and happy while they were born - no pain, no exhaustion, etc.
I think every woman should decide what is best for her- and if her doc agrees- then so be it. women who judge based on their "knowledge" because they read some crap on the internet, or because they watched a movie that some granola celeb made to judge women - well, I'll just say that you'll enjoy getting judged about everything you do with your child for the rest of your life.... what goes around comes around.
This. I find it ironic that people study the crap out of pregnancy do's and don'ts and follow them to a 'T' (no cold cuts, no caffeine, no alcohol, etc.) and on delivery day just "wing it." I think it's important to go in educated. Not just watch a "crunchy granola celeb" movie but there is an awful lot of info out there that makes C-sections seem like maybe we should do a little more to avoid them.
(Personally, I am the "crunchy" type and had a natural birth with DD and hope to have a natural one this time. I'd rather avoid surgery like the plague if possible.)
I agree with this completely.
I had a c/s with DD and have no complaints! It ended up being semi-elective because DD was breach the entire time- until right before they were about to do the c/s at 39 weeks. At that point, my family had flown in from out of state and we were mentally ready. My Dr. suggested I go home and "have lots of sex" to which I responded, "no thanks, I'd like for this baby to come today!". So we had the c/s.
As it turned out, my Dr. said it was probably for the best since DD was a decent sized baby.
As a woman who has had three children, two c-sections and never felt a labor pain I am in no position to judge.
Would I have been gung-ho vag if my first PG wasn't twins, breach and transverse with placenta previa? We will never know. But I am for whatever method makes the mom less stressed. Some women want to avoid surgery at all costs. Some what to avoid the unknowable variables of labor at all costs.
To each mom - and baby (or babies) - their own.
My twins are 5! My baby is 3!
DS#2 - Allergic to Cashew, Pistachio, Kiwi
DS#3 - Allergic to Milk, Egg, Peanut, Tree Nuts and Sesame
I judge the doctor for agreeing to the c-section just because her mom and sister had c-sections.
BUT, there could also be medical reasons that she isn't sharing with you. Who knows!
THIS. 100%
I'm still having issues caused by DD's vag delivery. I had a sh!tty dr who ignored all of my concerns, and gave birth to a 8lb9oz baby 4 weeks early. They insisted that the baby wasn't big - imagine if I went full term? They ignored my complaints about my healing process. I kept telling them that something was wrong.
Almost 20 months later, after minor surgery that caused more damage than good, I finally feel like I'm on the road to recovery. I still have to watch how I move, sit, etc., or I can wind up in pain for a week or 2.
The whole experience was bad enough for me to rethink having a second baby.
But if I can ever wrap my head around having another one, I've already discussed the possibility of a CS with my new OB/GYN. Only a few people IRL know what I went through, so I'm sure I'll be judged. Whatever.
I think all this "education" about childbirth that people do by reading up on the internet and watching some celeb movies is detrimental. A friend of mine went past her EDD. Her doctor advised her that a c-section would be the best route due to the baby's anticipated size/her pelvis. Since her "internet research" said that most women don't make babies too big to deliver, she waited until she went into labor. After her baby came out with a injured shoulder, was rushed to the NICU and spent her first day there, and she had a 4th degree tear and is getting surgery for the trauma her body endured from her baby's difficult birth, she wishes she heeded her doctor's advice. I also always see these forums knocking doctors pushing women into c-sections 24 hours after their water breaks, but my aunt lost a baby solely because she delivered 3 days after her water breaking.
While I'm a fan of people advocating for their own care, it's not always the best choice to go against of what your doctor says. Yes, there are a lot of interventions and such done nowadays, but sometimes it's in the best interest for both mom and baby to do so. Sure, natural childbirth happens much more frequently in other countries, but at what cost?
Hmm... did I advocate that she gives her friend her unsolicited advice? Let me see... oh I DIDN'T. OP was just asking people's opinions. I gave mine.
ITA with this, and I find it odd to make a decision purely on experience of mom/sister, *if* that's all that's going into it. I don't 'judge', because either way the important thing is a healthy baby and mom, but I don't understand the reasoning on this one if that's all there is to it.
why do you care?
Personally, I don't care how people choose to deliver their babies. I do laugh at the drama about c-sections being so bad/painful/major. It is not like you get off easy the other way! Both methods of delivery can have complications.
C/S mom here. While I wouldn't prefer major surgery or take it lightly, if that's her decision and the Dr feels it is ok, then good for her for being able to do what she feels is best for her family.
Like pp, I never felt labor pain. It was very painful to be judged for taking the "easier way out" when a C/S was my only option (I had very little amniotic fluid left and DS's heartbeat was very, very low). Someone even told me that I was lucky I did not have to feel labor pain. All they knew was that I had a c/s and therefore made comments. My c/s was not elective but I was still judged. So (and I am not being snarky), if you are truly her friend, you should try not to judge her. Just be there for her.
My second c/s was scheduled because of hospital policy prohibiting VBAC's so I guess it was elective. Painful recoveries and aches lasted months but I had no complications.
I think there might be some truth to this. My grandmother made big babies-her smallest was 9lbs, biggest was 12lbs. I was 9lbs 5oz (and early). My DS was 10lbs. I was an emergency c-section and got stuck in my mom's pelvis, and I never dilated with my DS, even after 24+ hours of active labor. No history of gestational diabetes, and all with minimal weight gain (and both me, my grandma and my mom were not overweight before/during pregnancy).
Although it's not true 100% of the time (a friend of mine was a 10lb baby but both her boys were born at 6lbs), I think there is some correlation.
I would never agree to c-section unless I (not just the doc) felt it was medically necessary.I would never even agree to an induction unless I reached the 41/42 week mark. However, I respect ppl's right to plan for the birth they want. So if that's what she wants, so be it.
FWIW I am just writing this so I can type "granola celebs". Love that term. Stealing it!
Wow, I totally wrote that response a while ago and recently hit send so I missed the direction the thread was heading... oops.
Anyway, I personally had a really easy recovery from my vaginal delivery and I've heard about friends c-section recoveries that were much worse. I currently have a friend in and out of the hospital because of an infection at her c-section site. So that's where that came from, clearly there are others on here who had different experiences so maybe I just had a skewed sample and I'm glad to hear that c-section recovery can be easy.
In other news... I completely agree that it's not a good idea to judge etc, however, since it's not medically necessary you might encourage your friend to take some more time and think about the pros and cons. It's not like she's having the baby tomorrow right? If she were my friend I would, not judge her after, but talk to her before and encourage her to do her research. And of course the research could say either thing, or be interpreted either way, but I'm always a proponent of informed choices.
Because I care about her, and I personally would not want to be recovering from surgery while trying to take care of a newborn. She's never had surgery and never had a newborn. I've had both, and the thought of dealing with both scares the crap out of me. But sure, moms do it all the time and I'm sure she'll be fine.
I do not think it is elective if the baby is breach or if a woman doesn't want to VBAC. But she is basing her choice on what happened to her mom and sister and probably some fears about vaginal delivery (I mean who isn't afraid?!In total agreement with these responses!!
Fourth degrees as far as I can figure are basically surgery - on extremely sensitive and delicate tissue and it is horrible recovering from that.
WARNING - Prbable TMI ahead.
You basically cannot poop. When you do/can, it feels like all of your stitches are going to pop back open and you will be in trouble. Plus, it is incredibly painful.
You are in pain in that area at all times, tears in your eyes type pain, and need ice packs at all times for at least two weeks.
It took me 12 weeks to start feeling normal and I was worried about possible permanent damage for the whole recovery.
I could go on and on, but lets just say that while the C-section was major surgery, it just didn't even compare on the pain level. It was awesome by comparison. I had to be careful not to lift anything too heavy to avoid hernias and take it easy for two weeks.
Your friend might have had previous surgery that she'd rather not discuss or heard about things like this or something or whatever. It could be anything. You just have to be supportive of her delivery, however the baby comes.
I would think that what 'happened' to her mom and sister has had a large impact on her including her discussions with them on recovery. If you care about her you would not be 'judgy', you would be supportive of her decision.
Someone recently said and I am stealing it "I loved my c/s so much I wish I could marry it." My mother had two vaginal births that s*cked-given the choice she would have signed on to a c/s in a heartbeat.
I had never had surgery or a baby and I had to have a c-section. I have nothing to compare my recovery to- but I was up and walking the morning after, I had little pain (24 hours post surgery I was only taking tylenol) and had no problems.
I am glad you are worried about your friend but trust her and her doctors instincts.
I personally was not happy about my first c and won't be about this next one. But what I really take issue with is the doctor opting for so quickly and easily. Docs much prefer the sections for ease, insurance and liability. And that gets me fired up.