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Parenting
MayorMcCheese000
member
DH that smokes?
MayorMcCheese000
member
in Parenting
Is it possible to get someone to quit smoking unless they are really ready? My DH still smokes at work and socially. He will occasionally smoke sometimes out in the yard. I REALLY do not like the kids seeing it and they usually don't. Yesterday DS saw DH smoking at a Memorial Day party. Today he pretended to smoke a crayon and told me he is going to smoke cigarettes just like dad when he grows up.
Broke my fvcking heart.
Of course I told DH, I want him to feel bad about it honestly! I am almost angry with him that he can't see it is impacting the kids and that he needs to quit already. He is going to be 35 on Friday and for the longest time now I have been telling him it sounds like a great age to quit!!
That being said, I know that generally someone will not quit unless they are ready themselves. Is there anyway I can help him to "feel ready??" I want him to stop so badly I just don't know what to do about it. Any advice? Thanks!!
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Re: DH that smokes?
No, there's nothing you can do. A person can't quit unless they want to, for themselves. He has to do it for himself, not for you, not for his kids.
I smoked for ten years and was only able to quit when I got pregnant with my second child. Smoking made me so sick, it was pretty easy to quit! DH quit about 1.5 years ago, and he's amazed me with his willpower to stop.
Have you ever smoked? Its a freakin hard addiction to quit.
As far as the kids, just talk to them about it being a bad habit and its nasty. They'll be fine.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I smoked before kids and quit without a problem. I know it is not that way for everyone. I have been really patient with him coming to Jesus with it on his own for years now, but now I am starting to get irritated and impatient. Especially when my 5 year old tells me he wants to smoke so e can be like his Dad.
Ehh if your kid didn't see Dad smoking then he would see somebody else. Personally, I never understood the people who hid smoking from their kids. In the long run, its not going to matter. Some people never smoke because their parents did. Some people start smoking because their parents did. Some people smoke who's parents never smoked.
Really, you married this man knowing that he smoked. You smoked, too. Some might consider it unfair the change the rules and make him quit.
But I nagged my DH to death to quit, too. So I know how you feel. I felt guilty and hypocritical for being such abitch about it, but it didn't stop me
I think it is different that your child sees their parent rather than some random smoker. He looks up to his dad and wants to be just like him.
When you see a smoker in public you can say they have a nasty habit that is yucky and makes you very sick. You can't really say that about your DH to your DS.
I think that your DH shouldn't be allowed to smoke in front of your DS, and I am a former smoker of 10 years. He needs to man up. It seems like he is a social smoker anyway, not some pack a day-er. He should get over it, seek medical help if necessary.
GL!
Do you really feel this way? IDK both DH and I were much bigger party-people when we were young....much more than just smoking cigarettes. We have both changed a lot as we have grown up and matured as I expect people do and should. Sorry but what is ok at 20 no-kids is not ok at 30 w/kids. People should grow up and with that comes taking more responsibility for your own health and setting a good example for your kids. I find your point of view on it to be a little strange to be honest.
I get both points of view, kind of. If you were talking about leaving him because he smoked, then I would think that's unfair because you knew well what you were getting into. But you just want to help him quit because it's healthy for everyone -- I think that's perfectly reasonable and understandable (and smart!)
DH and I both smoked, and I quit for good about a year and half ago. I quit when I was pregnant with DS1 but started again when he was a baby. I finally quit cold turkey January 2010, and I know I'm never going back. Quitting sucks -- it's HARD.
DH still smokes and he's tried to quit many times. He had luck with Chantix but he still went back after 3 months. He avoids smoking in front of DS, but, yeah, DS does sometimes see him smoking. We still tell DS that it's a disgusting habit and one that DH wishes he didn't do. We still hammer home that smoking is terrible for you and that we never want him to do it. DH is DS's idol, so I'm sure it confuses him a bit that daddy does something that's bad. At the same time, he really listens when DH talks, so it does make an impact. Is it the perfect situation? Of course not -- it's very much "do as I say, not as I do." I wish DH didn't smoke, and I'm always encouraging when he quits, but I can't make him quit.
I'd see about Chantix. The mood swings can be insane at times, but DH said it was the most helpful out of all the other things (gum, patch, Wellbutrin, etc.)
Good luck. I know how much it sucks.
When I was 20, I already had a kid.
I just don't think smoking is a big deal. I was very honest with my DS about it, that it smells bad, can make you sick, makes us cough. I think its okay to tell your kids that Mom and Dad can make bad decisions sometimes. We're not perfect. I don't want him to think that smokers are just anonymous bad people. We know a lot of people who still smoke, its not a big deal to me.
I totally agree with this. I'm in the same boat with you, Mayor. My DH said when we got married that he'd quit when we had kids. He fake-quit for about a week when DS1 was born, and 5 years (and another kid) later he smokes more than ever. He doesn't do it around the kids, but he'll smoke outside the car while they're in the car. He'll stand where they can't see him. I also don't want them to see him smoking. Kids who have parents who smoke are more likely to start smoking themselves, so it DOES matter if it's their parent or some random person they see smoking.
DH has smoked the entire time I've known him. I've tried everything to get him to quit... nagging, begging, bribing, even smoking myself and then quitting to show that it's possible.
Honestly, there's nothing you can do. He needs to be ready on his own.
DS regularly sees DH smoke and he always talks about how disgusting it is. I think hiding it from your kids is what might be making it 'cool' to your DS. Be honest with them. And tell them how incredibly BAD it is for you.
MIne doesn't smoke but he chews or dips or whatever you call it. EEEWWW. Efffin grosses me out.
But no, I can't make him quit. I have tried a few times though! It's a totally nast habit.
He used the nicorette gum and it was slightly helpful. OH! I have heard that electric cig (you know, the one from the real housewives of BH) helps to curb it a bit. Like, to wean. It still has nicotine but in lower amounts. Not to mention how rad he would look that kind of ciggy!!!
My BIL smoked even after his dad died from lung cancer (not the smoker's lung cancer). He smoked when his oldest son begged him to quit. He smoked when his mom begged him to quit. He quit about 6 months later but only when he was ready.
Liam is 5!
DH has one of these. I'd take it over real cigarrettes anyday. It doesn't stink and it doesn't emit any 2nd hand smoke. DH says it's not quite the same as a real one and he tends to use it more because he's less aware of mindless smoking in places where it used to not be ok (the car, the house, etc.).
LOL. That is awesome.