Trying to decide when to have #3

ash2

DD and DS are exactly 16 months apart. I made it through the first year and now they are 2.5 years and 13.5 months. DH and I are discussing a 3rd and trying to decide when is the right time. I know it is different for everyone, but I just wanted to see if any moms out there with 3+ had any advice. DH wants to start trying this summer since the kids would be 3.5, 2, and then the newborn. He thinks it is better for them all to be closer in age. I agree with this, but having 2 c-sections in 16 months and BFing 2 kids for over a year each has taken it's toll. I'm not sure if Iam physically or mentally ready to add a 3rd into the mix right now. But I'm also afraid if I wait too long that I won't want to jump back into the baby stage all over again. I would also feel bad that DD and DS are so close in age and the baby would not. Any advice from your own personal experiences would be greatly appreciated!

kcisthebombdotcom

I have the exact same dilemma and I am interested in reading responses.

I was planning on doing a similar spacing to have a 3.5/2.5/infant and thinking they would all play together well, but after seeing my 1.5 year old and my 5 year old niece playing this weekend, it did not go well. I'm seriously reconsidering having another one, since I am not anywhere near being ready to be pregnant anytime soon.

lkf041

For us I know if I got out of the baby stage I wouldn't want to jump back into it.  We figured 18 months apart worked out well for us once so we'd give it a go again.  I was shocked when we got pregnant first cycle trying but no complaints here... I mean we were trying it just took a few months to get pregnant with DD so I figured it would be the same this time.

On a plus side I just potty trained my DS so now I only have 1 in diapers.  Like I said before, if both were out of diapers it would be heaven but introducing another baby would be tough. 

Good Luck in your decision.   

 ** I should add I had 2 csections as well and understand your feelings.  I'm trying to VBA2C this time.  Maybe you could consider that if you are hesitant about another c.

Raffes484

I couldn't love the spacing between DD and DS more if I tried, so we wanted the same spacing again. DD and DS are 19.5 months apart and DS and #3 will be 18.5 months apart.

Like PP mentioned, once I get out of the baby phase, I don't think I want to go back. DD is currently potty training and is only in Pull-Ups, hopefully out of them by the time #3 is here. I can't wait to be 100% out of the diaper, bottle, and waking up during the night phase.

I've also had 2 c-sections and I will be having another repeat c-section this time around.

lkf041

Raffes484:

I couldn't love the spacing between DD and DS more if I tried, so we wanted the same spacing again. DD and DS are 19.5 months apart and DS and #3 will be 18.5 months apart.

Like PP mentioned, once I get out of the baby phase, I don't think I want to go back. DD is currently potty training and is only in Pull-Ups, hopefully out of them by the time #3 is here. I can't wait to be 100% out of the diaper, bottle, and waking up during the night phase.

I've also had 2 c-sections and I will be having another repeat c-section this time around.

Just out of curiosity where do you deliver?  I'm in Montgo County too and have been hospital hopping.  I did montgomery hosp., bryn mawr and now lankenau.   

Raffes484

lkf041:

Raffes484:

I couldn't love the spacing between DD and DS more if I tried, so we wanted the same spacing again. DD and DS are 19.5 months apart and DS and #3 will be 18.5 months apart.

Like PP mentioned, once I get out of the baby phase, I don't think I want to go back. DD is currently potty training and is only in Pull-Ups, hopefully out of them by the time #3 is here. I can't wait to be 100% out of the diaper, bottle, and waking up during the night phase.

I've also had 2 c-sections and I will be having another repeat c-section this time around.

Just out of curiosity where do you deliver?  I'm in Montgo County too and have been hospital hopping.  I did montgomery hosp., bryn mawr and now lankenau.   

I delievered both times at Paoli. I've had nothing but great experiences. When I've had to take the kids to the ER though we always take them to Bryn Mawr.

MammaBear81

About 18 months apart worked well for us as well. Our biggest gap is 20 months and smallest gap is 16 months.  I do agree with PP that if I got out of the "baby stage" I think it would be hard for me to get back in.  I did not have any c-sections, but I did BF all the babies until 7-10 months (I also work FT).  If you feel your body isn't ready I would take some time though, you don't want to push yourself.  Can you talk with DH about "getting your body back" over the summer and TTC in the fall?  After I have this LO I am jumping on the gym bandwagon and getting back into shape, I really feel the difference in my body between my first pregnancy and this one.

CaitlinJ22

We are having the same dilema. I know for a fact that I didnt want to TTC until DD was at least a year for BFing purposes. It was hard to BF DS while pg with DD. Im glad i did it, but it took a lot out of me along with the 16 wks of m/s.

Recently DH and  I discussed this in length. Originally we were going to TTC in Jan 2012, so they would be closer to 4 and 2.5, but I am getting the itch. We dicussed letting this happen now...but I know that means Ill get pg right away, and Im not sure I want them so close since DH works offshore and its all me for 3 wks straight. We finally settled on the fall so DD and the new baby would be at least 2 years apart. DD and DS are 18m and I love it, but I wanted a little more of a gap. I also would like my body back for a few months before TTC. I plan on weaning DD soon and so Ill have a few months not being pg or bfing...I hope

A big thing for me, is that I dont want m/s during the summer. Last summer sucked with an 18 month old and a newborn, so I really want to enjoy this one and not be sick. So Sept we will let things happen.

I agree that I dont want to get out of the baby stage completely. My sister has bigger age gaps and said it is so hard when they hit 18 months bc you get very comfortable and to try and get pregnant again is scary since you feel like you havent done it in a while. I have friends that waited, and kept putting it off because they were nervous.

GL in your decision.  

mlf625

We're in the same situation. DS and DD are 16.5 months apart (now 2.5 and 16 months), and while I do love their spacing, I don't think I want a 3rd just yet.  I'd prefer to wait until DS will be starting preschool (he'll start when he's 4), because the idea of being home all day with 3 little ones makes me a little crazy.  So currently, we're thinking we might TTC late this winter.  If we got/stayed pregnant easily, DS would be just turning 4, and DD 2 1/2.  That sounds about perfect to me.

I'm not so concerned about going back into the baby stage.  It's not like we'll have 2 babies at one time again (I mean, assuming it's a singleton!) so one baby will seem like kind of a breeze.  

laura1

We are having the same issue.  We decided to just not TTA now that DD is 1 year old, and see what happens.  We had TTTC with DS, and DD was a surprise.  We have no idea which one was the fluke  

But, I am 34, and early menopause runs in my family.  So if we want a #3, we have to act quickly!   

LDQAM516

We are pregnant with number three...and I think if we really waited any longer and DD gained even more independence...we might have changed our mind on a third. We conceived on our first cycle...DS and DD are 21 months apart and DD and this baby will be 25 months apart...I think it is perfect spacing if you want them close....although we might change our minds once he/she arrives. This is probably our last...so Iam super excited to finally be over the need to keep growing our family...and finally focus fully on my babies and getting my body back without worrying about when we should conceive again! Good luck!

earthboundmisfit

I think it'd be nicer for the kids if #3 was closer in age to them..but for my sanity I don't think I can have a difference of less than 2.5yrs between #2 and #3. DD2 was rough..still is. The thought of getting pregnant anytime soon makes me want to weep lol. I might change my mind of course, but for now the plan is to not even think about #3 until DD2 is 2 years old. That's just our family though..we've had a harder time with 2u2 than I think other girls do.

PhilsWife07

Right now our plan is to wait until DS2 is 2 to TTC #3. We're still recovering from the first 6 months with DS2.

caymanbride

I think about this daily. For the first 9 months with DS2, I couldn't wait to have another baby. Once he hit 9 months, I decided I wanted to wait a bit longer. The same thing happened with DS1 -- couldn't wait for another until he hit 9 months, then I wanted to focus on him a bit more. Then I got pregnant with DS2 when DS1 was about 15-16 months old, so my boys are exactly 2 years apart (birthdays are 2 days apart). Right now, I am loving just having my 2 boys, and I'm thinking I don't want to rush # 3. I definitely want at least one more, but right now, I think I want to enjoy DS2's babyhood for a little longer.

But at the same time, I do worry about waiting too long and having # 3 be too far behind the boys -- I want them all to grow up together. I change my mind everyday, but I think today I'd say I'd like to have # 3 when DS1 is 4.5 & DS2 is 2.5 I guess we'll see!

Summer20

I have no experience having three (or even 2 yet!) but I come from a family of three and this is my two cents...

There was 5.5 years between the oldest and youngest in my family, with one in the middle.  In kid-years 5+ years is a LOT.  My sister and I (the oldest and youngest) were never friends until we were in our 20s.  We did not want to do the same things or hang out together very much when we were younger.  My brother (middle child) was closer in age and socially to the oldest sister during childhood, now we are all friends.

DH and I sometimes talk about having a third someday, but honestly, my biggest drawback is how things were for my own family.  I LOVE my sister now and am sooo happy she is in my life, but as kids, I think it would have been easier for everyone to just have two kids close in age.  It is really hard for a 7 or 8 year old to have to share a mom who is taking care of a toddler.  I would imagine it's not so fun for the mom either, trying to please everyone in different age ranges.

My opinion is that you're best off having your kids VERY close in age or possibly having a longer gap (like 8+ years) so at least the older one(s) are more independent and also maybe more understanding of why the little one needs so much time and attention.  Then again, every family is different.  This was just my experience.  

moonfaerie

I don't have experience with three yet, but pretty much DH is leaving it up to me to decide if/when I feel ready to be pg again. I'm currently on the fence about sticking with two kids, or having a third. I'm not ready to TTC right now, and if I never feel ready then two it is! I'm not putting a lot of pressure on myself, because as a woman with previous fertility problems, I feel very lucky to have the two wonderful babies that I have now.

I am the second child of 3u3, however, and it was a very fun experience growing up. Your kids will likely love to have two siblings close in age, if you are up to it.