I don't like being asked "how are you doing?"

katie4253 · May 2011

Honestly this questions upsets me.

First, I know people are trying to be nice. But, I feel like the people asking me how I am, can't handle the answer. Because really, I am pretty crappy. I'm recovering from major abdominal surgery, my baby is in the NICU, and I'm hardly sleeping.

Yes, I have things to be thankful for. My surgery recovery is going smoothly. No infection. I've been released to drive, and the pain is manageable to just ibuprofen. My baby is doing well. Really well actually. He is progressing well, going up on his feeds, handling his fortifier well.

Even though things are going well, this still sucks. He is still supposed to be inside me, I am still supposed to be working, and we are supposed to be going to our birth and parenting classes. I am thankful for everything this going well, but it is still really hard. People can't handle that part. So, I just tell them things are okay and that I'm okay. Anything more that that makes me relive the day-to-day struggles and makes them uncomfortable and not know what to say.

Okay, vent over. On a happier note, it's getting close to hold time and Gabe grew 1/2 an inch (both in his head and body) and is 8oz over his birth weight now. He's also moving up to a bigger feed today and they are adding 2 more calories to his fortifier too. Hopefully it gets him growing into a chunky baby faster.

acheyees19 · May 2011

I hate that question too. I know everyone means well, but that doesn't change the fact that it's hard to deal with.

So glad to hear he is doing well. Continued T&P!

lemen99 · May 2011

I'm sorry

damabo80 · May 2011

I could have written your post. It's so true.

And yay for chunkier Gabe!

Cara03 · May 2011

katie4253:

He is still supposed to be inside me, I am still supposed to be working, and we are supposed to be going to our birth and parenting classes. I am thankful for everything this going well, but it is still really hard. People can't handle that part. So, I just tell them things are okay and that I'm okay. Anything more that that makes me relive the day-to-day struggles and makes them uncomfortable and not know what to say.

I agree completely. I felt this same exact way. Then I felt like I wasn't being honest in my response and didn't like that feeling. It was a no win situation. I couldn't deal with how I was feeling, I just had to work my hardest at making it through each day. It's maybe not healthy but it's how I made it through the NICU time. I never did find a good answer to "How are you doing," but at least you can know you're not alone in your dread of that question. Hang in there. We get it.

Chitown chic · May 2011

I agree with this post completely -- it is so hard to give an honest answer to that question, so I typically just give a, "We're doing OK" response and try to change the subject or share some positive news about baby's progress. I do agree with previous poster though that it's so important to take things one day at a time. Right now, baby's homecoming (estimated for mid-July at this point) seems so far away. But by taking each day as one step along a journey, I'm able to not get too ahead of myself. It's hard though -- I feel like only you ladies really get it.