Community› The Bump Message Boards› Eco-Friendly Family
Eco-Friendly Family
New Discussion

Ugh. I am soooo frustrated.

blissfully_caffeinatedblissfully_caffeinated
in Eco-Friendly Family

I don't know if this is a vent or a WWYD. I'm just so frustrated and I need to get it out.

DS still wakes up at night. I'm working on it. I think it would be an easy habit to break if Dh would suck it up and work on it too. But he doesn't and DS still wakes up. If you just let him be he will be asleep within 3 1/2 minutes. Yes, I've timed it. He doesn't even open his eyes. He just cries for a couple of minutes, thrashes around, then goes right back to sleep and makes happy sleep noises.

Every freaking night Dh wakes up with him he gets up the moment DS makes a peep and actually ends up waking him up because he goes in and rubs his back or tries to get him to take a sippy. If I wake up with DS for two nights in a row he dramatically improves. I counted the number of times Dh got up with him last night. 12! Ugh. If I wake up with him it goes down to 8 the first night. 3-4 the second. Today I'm going to tell Dh that he has to take on some other task with DS and I will do the night thing all week.

Last night I kept reminding him to set a timer and that DS would go back to sleep. He ignored me. I hate that he is too freaking lazy to do this with me.

My second frustration also comes from Dh. He has this habit of just walking away mid-conversation. It wasn't bad at first but we've had a serious conversation about this at least once a month for the past 4-5 months. How flipping hard is it to say "I don't know honey but I really want to go do xyz". "Hold on a moment while I go do something". Last night we were in the middle of a conversation - I was actually mid sentence and he just stands up and walks out of the room. 

I swear I might strangle that man if he walks away one more f-ing time. Occasionally I can understand but he has made a habit out of it. Apparently I don't even deserve the minimum amount of respect it takes to not walk away while I'm talking. Normally I snap at Dh when he does it but last night I calmly asked him about it and told him my frustrations. His response was "I thought you wanted me to do X and I didn't want to so went into the bathroom to put the rug back down". Uggghh.

Oh, and Aunt Flo just made her debut appearance since I was pregnant with Ds (so July 2009).

Report Reply to Post

Re: Ugh. I am soooo frustrated.

  • LifeRemarkableLifeRemarkable

    Oh man. All hope I have that my 5 month old (who still wakes up 4 times a night) will STTN soon just died. 

    Also, I think I know the "wake up" that you're talking about. When they aren't *really* awake? It's almost like a bad dream or something and they go back to sleep.

    Maybe your H feels bad?

    When L does that I just stand next to him and talk to him. I reeeeeally want to pick him up but I know it will wake him up and he'll be more pissed. I feel bad while it's happening but he's not awake crying for me, he's asleep making sad sounds and if I leave him alone he goes back to regular sleep pretty quick.

    Maybe you could try just talking to him instead of the entire wake up, cuddle, back to sleep. Or whatever routine your H has going on.  

    The famous walk-away. Ohhhhhhh the walk away.

    I wouldn't mind it occasionally in certain situations. such as "babe I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed by this conversation and need to walk away to calm down before we finish." 

    basically, no advice here. Just empathy.  

    perviously known as wannabecrunchymama
    Report Reply
  • BlackvelvetBlackvelvet member
    I don't know if this helps but I think I'm your husband.  when it's my turn to get up wtih DS he ends up snuggling back to sleep in bed with us I can't let him cry I just can't handle it he has to be comforted.  DH will let him cry and he goes back to sleep I know it works but I can't do it.
    Me DOR amh .64 ng/mL  
    DH Brain Cancer
    BFP #1 12/11/08 DS born 8/23/09
    BFP#2 10/13/11 DC 11/4/11
    BFP#3 12/6/13 Lost 12/29/13
    Told IVF is the only option and have not found a clinic that will take me.



    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • blissfully_caffeinatedblissfully_caffeinated

    The thing about DS is he isn't REALLY awake. He's just kind of half crying and making unhappy noises. Dh is too lazy to set a timer for 4 minutes and wait to see what happens. It's so frustrating! So what he does is go in there and pick DS up... which then wakes DS up and he's upset about waking up so more crying ensues. So Dh gives him a sippy. He kind of chews on it, stews, and goes back to sleep. Dh is okay with letting him cry - much more okay than I am. He just doesn't want the extra work of getting up and waiting.

    I'm totally fine with the walk away in certain situations. If Dh is really frustrated I can see it and if he walks away then it doesn't really bother me because I know he needs some alone time. But it happens all the time! Last night we were talking about a ceiling fan I got. It's a ceiling fan. There's no hidden meaning there. And he walks away while I'm mid-sentence. Sometimes I just want to strangle him! He always plays dumb and say he thought we were done talking. When I ask him why he thought we were done when nothing had been discussed and I was midsentence he doesn't have an answer.

    Report Reply
  • crackerjackprintercrackerjackprinter

    My DH does the same thing.  We've discussed it too and honestly, he just thinks that I am noticing him walk away (to the bathroom usually) even if I'm not paying attention.  Try not to beat him up about it, I doubt it means he doesn't respect you!  They often just don't understand why it would piss us off...yes his reasoning was dumb but I doubt he has that reasoning every time.

    Honestly, AF totally made me a raging hormonal biotch the first few months after the return this time, so try to take that into consideration before talking to him...things that normally wouldn't bother me as much bothered me a lot.

    About the wakings, your approach seems like a good one, to do the wakings for a week or so.  But also explain why you want to do it that way and that it is going to benefit both of you if he isn't waking up fully.  I know I don't always wake up all the way when I go get DS, is it possible he's also halfway asleep when he goes in there?  I have to make sure I go to bed by 10:30 or I run a much higher risk of just bringing Declan into bed earlier than usual.

    GL!

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • danjou21danjou21
    imageblissfully_caffeinated:

    The thing about DS is he isn't REALLY awake. He's just kind of half crying and making unhappy noises. Dh is too lazy to set a timer for 4 minutes and wait to see what happens. It's so frustrating! So what he does is go in there and pick DS up... which then wakes DS up and he's upset about waking up so more crying ensues. So Dh gives him a sippy. He kind of chews on it, stews, and goes back to sleep. Dh is okay with letting him cry - much more okay than I am. He just doesn't want the extra work of getting up and waiting.

    I'm totally with you here.  We recently did Ferber for DS because he was waking up every 30 minutes all night until we brought him in bed with us, then awake every 2-3 for the rest of the night.  Now he sleeps in his crib all night, sometimes waking up once to eat.  If he wakes up and we go in and tend to him, he gets more mad and wakes up more and more.  If we leave him be, he goes back to sleep and STAYS asleep.  When he is in bed with us I react to him every time he moves around, waking him up even more.  I don't know what advice I have for you, other than getting your DH some ear plugs =)

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"