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Adoption
butterflygrooves
member
Food Issues - Looking for help (long)
butterflygrooves
member
in Adoption
Our DD Iz (fost/adopt) has some food issues, they aren't nearly as bad as they once were (eating bugs, paint, dirt, trash, etc.) but we are still concerned. She came to us 1 1/2 months ago and the previous problems weren't applicable anymore but since she's been with us we've found that she will eat all the time, nonstop if allowed and she will ask for seconds at dinner when she sees others getting seconds even if she is full.
Last night at dinner she ate enough to make her full, not just satisfied but completely full, then when DD A asked for seconds of mashed potatoes, Iz asked for seconds too. Her demeanor when asking for seconds was off, she seemed nervous and fidgety, they way she gets when she lies. DW gave her a small second serving of potatoes and a couple small brussels, it took her ages to attempt to eat the food which confirmed that she truly was full from her first plate. DW decided to tell her that she was done and promised her that she could eat the rest of it the next day, when she picked the plate up Iz's eyes got watery and she started to panic because her food was being taken away. DW ended up having Iz follow her into the kitchen and watch while she covered the plate and put it in the fridge.
Earlier in the week I made her an egg and cheese sandwich on toast with a cup of milk for breakfast, immediately upon putting her plate in the sink, she asked for a banana so I let her eat one. After the banana she asked for an orange, I told her to wait a little while because I thought she had eaten enough and I didn't want her to get sick from eating too much. Every few minutes after that she would ask for something to eat until I gave her the orange. This scenario happens daily, it feels like a constant stream of her asking for food when she just finished eating.
She knows that she has access to fruits and vegetables all day if she wants (the kids are allowed to grab them for snacks without asking) and I feel like she is taking advantage of this or testing us to see if she really can have all the food she wants. The only reason I ever tell her no to eating more fruits and veggies is if I can tell she is full.
One other thing that is odd to me is that she will eat some fruits in their entirety, stems, cores, rinds and peels. So far she's eaten strawberries w/ stem, apples w/ stem and core, pears w/ stem and core, watermelon slices w/ rind, and oranges w/ peel. We aren't sure if this is a learned behavior or a survival technique.
She doesn't hoard food, it's just the behaviors mentioned above that are concerning. How can I help her? I want her to know that we always have food in the house and that she will always be fed but I don't want her to binge all the time.
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Re: Food Issues - Looking for help (long)
I don't know if I'll be any help. If she was deprived of food in her birth family, it may take a long time for her to trust you about food. Even if her foster home made progress with this issue, the move to your house may have stirred up the anxiety. We had similar issues with our two oldest when they first came to live with us. If put in a situation like a potluck dinner or a buffet restaurant, they would literally eat until they threw up. Oldest DS has been caught getting up in the middle of the night and binging a couple of times.
I know she is young, but I would just reassure her that when you say no to her requests for food it is because you don't want her to get sick. You might even give her a time limit and even set a timer for 1 1/2 or 2 hrs or whatever time you think is appropriate. When it goes off, she can have a snack. If that doesn't work, I would seek counseling before it becomes a bigger issue.
I really hope MyColonyNJ sees this because she has a FTA son who had similar issues. She might be more help.
PAL/PGAL Welcome
(lurker here) Your post sounds like my DS to a tee. I could have written this entire post several months ago. DS has been with us 5 months now, and I did not really start to see any improvement until last month with his overeating, obsessing over food and other people's food, asking to eat every 5 minutes, crying when meals were over, crying when he saw others eating, trying to shove handfuls of food in his mouth, etc... I think it just takes time and 6 weeks is not really enough time for your DD to trust you that you are always going to feed her, even if she is attaching well in other ways. Also, since food can be so much of a comfort (even for us as adults), it sounds like also she may be using food to comfort herself now with such a huge transition.
What has honestlty helped my DS is talking about food all the time. It may seem counterintuitive, but during every meal we would talk about what the next meal was going to be and how much longer. For example, as we eat lunch I tell him we are going to eat chicken nuggets, yogurt and broccoli for dinner. Dinner is going to be at 6:00 which is after we take a nap and then go to the store. Talking about the next meal really helped him focus less on the current meal, as if it was going to be his last meal. We also play a lot (all the time) with pretend food in his play kitchen, which was recommended highly to me by our adoption therapist.
HTH. GL
No suggestions here... just a virtual hug and hello.
I've been anxious to hear how things were going at home. Hang in there...
We adopted internationally and our son was just over 3 years old when he came home last year. He had (still sometimes has) serious food issues. If I didn't cook food fast enough, you would see full on tantrums that often included very aggressive behavior. If I asked him to leave the room while I was cooking, you could expect the same. There was a time where he threw up from eating too much. The first time I picked him up from preschool, I walked in the room and heard them say "B, you've already had 4 plates, I think that's enough." Ummm yeah - I had to put a limit to two plates.
Anyways, what you describe sounds similar to a child who did not always have full access to food during her life. One thing recommended to us was to always have healthy foods available at all times. That did not work - he would eat and eat - there was/is no off switch. Today, he is given 3 main meals a day with absolutely no snacking during the day. It's very routined so he knows exacly when he'll get food. We bought him a shopping basket with a ton of play food and he loves that. Based on other recs, we also use play-doh to make food.
Our son has been home for almost 10 months and about 1 month ago, he told us he was "full" for the first time and said he didn't want to finish eating the food. Tonight, we went out to dinner. The food given to him was far too much (his stomach gets very big and hard when he eats). I had to explain that the rest of the food - he would get to eat tomorrow at home. And - he was OK with that! Such amazing progress for him! This is showing that he is learning to trust us - trusting that we will give him food and ensure he is fed tomorrow and every day. It's a long process and can be so difficult - so hang in there! Perhaps some of the above might help.
1. therapy.
2. we always had food visible for them to see and always kept 2 snack baskets on the counter for them to see and could have food from when they felt hungry.
Its takes times. You're only at 1 1/2 months. There's years there that have to be fixed. Patience and love. Just remember, she'll always be wondering about her next meal.
Two Mommies Healing Hearts