Potluck invite

nancyandnate

Anyone have tips on how to approach potlucks?  We just got invited to one for the DC class, so it isn't people I know really well and I just don't want to come off as rude.  DS is allergic to peanuts.  Here are my options (kinda thinking "out loud" here):

-Don't go.  I'd like to encourage a sense of community with the other families though, so I'd like to figure out a good way to approach going.

-Just bring a peanut free dish and don't let him eat anything else.  That seems lame and like I'd come across as snotty.  And weird.

-Ask the host to inform folks about his allergy or give me a list to contact them myself.  Ask they bring peanut free dishes or label dishes as peanut free.  But really he isn't supposed to have anything processed in a place that also processes peanuts and how many non-allergy parents are really going to pay attention to that? 

We do not know how severe his allergy is.  He tested positive after an ANA reaction to dairy (which he has now outgrown) and one day ingested part of one that he found, which gave him some hives.  Otherwise he hasn't had any exposure.  We do always have epis with us.

Sorry so long.  TIA! 

mrs_kelly1014

Honestly, I don't trust anyone (except my mom - and I still double chceck things) to cook for DS who is ana to peanuts and tree nuts even without ingesting them. There is NO way I would ever allow him to eat potluck food that put his life on the knowledge that others have about peanut allergies.

I have to call companies every week just to find out if foods are processed on the same equipment that the food was made on (since they don't have to declare cross contaminants on the packaging) and I'm certain that most people would never think to do this - even if they were told it was necessary.

It sucks, but it is what it is. We bring DS food everywhere we go if we aren't certain that it is safe. DS has had food allergies since he was 10 months (when we found out he was allergic to wheat, tree nuts, peanuts) so he's grown up eating different food. He doesn't really ask for food others are eating at this point, and if he does, we tell him that he is allergic and that it will make him sick, and he drops it. Crazy that a 2 year old gets it, but he does to a certain extent.

I hope he is has a great time at the party! I'm sure there will be plenty of things to play with that don't involve food.

aniceucchik

Pretty much everything as PP said, except there is no way in hell i would trust my mom and food with Jacob-frightening, i can barely rely on DH. We avoid birthday parties as well, unless its a very close friend. We have actually just gone to one and he got hives even though he just ate some puffs and a cupcake I made for him. I guess the puffs may have been handled by something with dairy/nuts on it, b/c I was with him the whole time and he didnt get into anything. J isnt ANA to anything, but the more he is exposed to allergens the more his cells break down and cause more dots on his skin (mastocytosis) and the dots freak me out since they could end up as cancer one day.

If you really want to go to the dinner then I would make a safe dish for your LO to eat and so what if others think its weird that he isnt eating anything else...if someone asks then you can just tell them. Most people understand a nut or shellfish allergy whereas not really dairy/egg/etc too much, in my experiences, anyways.

EastCoastBride

If this is the first event like this, then I would go and try to use it as an opportunity to talk to the other parents.  I don't feel you can really out and out say "don't make anything w/ peanuts" or call them u pand say this, but you can use the event to say "oh, yeah, my son is allergic" to put it on their radar for the future.

It's not snotty to not let him eat other food.  W/ DS having celiac, that's what we have to do.  I take food for him and I just briefly explain why he can't eat certain dishes.  I see nothing snotty about this.  Everyone is "picky" on some level and don't eat everything anyhow - this is just another level past that.

Now, if you do find his allergy is severe enough that even being around anything w/ nuts in it (as a friend of mine deals with), then the next time, I'd b e more tempted to speak up.

And here was her take, that I really liked.  She can't protect her son on her own.  It DOES take a village and she needs people around her to help her.

So... go, meet these people. assess what they are like, what the event is like,etc.  Then down the road, you may more comfortably be able to address the issue more directly.

 

StarryNight39

A huge thing for me is not making Ava feel left out. We go to potlucks, parties, etc and I just always have her safe food. Birthday party - I bring a fruit tray and one of her safe cupcakes. (I make a batch and freeze them individually so they're easy to pop out morning of a party) Potluck, same thing bring something Ava friendly. When we get there I always make her a plate so that I know nothing touched it.

 

mrs_kelly1014

I did want to add that we would still absolutely go. We don't ever make DS miss events because of his allergies, we just bring our own food and keep him away from the party food. I do make it known that he has severe allergies so that parents don't think I'm totally insane when I do some of the things I do, and they are usually totally understanding.

HazelBee22

I agree with what everyone else has said - take some LO friendly food with you but still be part of the festivities. If this is a get together that will happen more than once if might be a good suggestion to talk to the coordinator about people labeling their foods. My church pot lucks would do this - everyone would put a little card next to their dish with its name (because seriously, how many mystery dishes have we all seen?) and if it had any nuts, peanuts, or shellfish. If a dish was missing its card completely I would skip. It worked really well and it was nice to complement Betty Sue on her "Great Granny's Miracle Asian Slaw" instead of her soupy looking salad.

nancyandnate

Thanks all!  It is really helpful to get perspective of what others do and how to best approach this.

trishinbanff

I am allergic to gluten so I always afraid of potlucks.  I always bring my own crackers and my own "safe" dish.  

I volunteer with Girl Guides and we can't have any nut snacks.  Even our cookies are produced in a nut free facility.  Isn't every other kid allergic to nuts now?  I'm sure that parents are away of nut allergies.