Q for IF girls (re: drive)

babyaustin725

I hate to call myself an IF girl since I do have a child and since we haven't been tested for any specific IF, but we have been trying for #2 for a long time (very long time).

Anyway, I am wondering if anyone has experienced a low sex drive after struggling with IF.  I use to have a very high drive - higher than James even, but now I can't help but be turned off by the thought of sex.  I enjoy it when it happens and I don't think of baby making during, but when the thought of sex occurs to me, which is not often at all anymore, the only thing I can think of is that we can't make another baby.  I don't know if it's because of my body or James's, and I don't feel any resentment, I just can't not think of sex = baby or not, in our case. 

If anyone else has experienced this, how did you deal with it?

 

tst1998

I mostly lurk here but I can definitely relate. We are still TTC #1 (going on 2 years now). And after about a year of trying, I just lost all interest in sex. It was so planned and scheduled and no longer spontaneous. It was actually one of the main reasons we decided to pursue treatment. Once the timing for baby-making was taken out of our control and sex was taken completely out of the picture, we could have fun and be spontaneous again. I still have a small part of me that thinks it might work doing things the old fashioned way (we have unexplained IF so no reason why it shouldn't) but for the most part, I have accepted that sex does not equal baby for us, and we just do it because we want to. 

It took awhile to get to this point, and I still struggle with it. I don't know if that helps at all. But at least know you aren't alone.  

girlofsummer78

It?s tough. I will admit my sex drive has fallen quite a bit.  I think, for me, it?s all psychological.  We?ve been trying for so long with nothing toshow for it.  I just started on thyroidmedicine last week so I?m not sure if that also plays into the sex drive issueI?m having.  Right now I?m on the lowestdose possible and nothing has changed. But then again it?s also only been a week.  

KRoseToes

I agree with T. For us we know that sex doesn't work to get us pregnant. Now that I no longer see sex as a means to pregnancy, it is much more fun. Is there a reason you haven't seen a doctor yet to get a diagnosis? I can't imagine it's the same for people who have unexplained IF,  but for us it was comforting and freeing to get a diagnosis, even if we can't afford treatments yet. It made us feel more in control of the situation and relieved us of the burden of perfectly timed sex every month.

Seattle_JiLLn

I will say that years of "I'm ovulating, I guess we better do this" really took it's toll.  ANd having kids did too.  I don't know how to get the mojo back, but definitely while we were TTC it was not fun.  Like you said, once we did it it was good, but I had no motivation to do it.  And actually that's how I feel now too.  I should have asked my doc about that when I had my physical last week.. hmmm..

anyway, I didn't know you guys were trying?  Congrats on that!   Why haven't you gone to get any testing done if I may ask? There are some easy things you can test... and are you charting so you know if you are actually ovulating?  

 

Good luck! 

babyaustin725

KRoseToes:

Is there a reason you haven't seen a doctor yet to get a diagnosis?

James.  He is just not interested in getting tested.  He does want another baby, but he says, "We will have as many children as God allows us to have."  We are a Christian family and I agree with him to an extent, but I would like to know what's up even if we weren't going to do anything to treat it.  I can't force him, though.  Plus, our insurance doesn't cover much (nothing IF related, and I don't think much testing either), and I think he feels like as soon as we start that we are going to want to see it through no matter what kind of financial toll it takes on us.  AND, I think he's a little in denial that there is an issue.

I am going to be finding a new gyn this summer (closer to home) and I am going to address my concerns with him/her and see if there is anything that is low cost or covered by insurance that we can do. 

babyaustin725

Seattle_JiLLn:

anyway, I didn't know you guys were trying?  Congrats on that!   Why haven't you gone to get any testing done if I may ask? There are some easy things you can test... and are you charting so you know if you are actually ovulating?  

Yes, we have been "not preventing" since the Summer of '07(!) and actively trying for about 18 months.  I was charting for several months and everything looked really good: ovulating days 12-15, cycle about 26-30 days.  I had obvious temp shifts and obvious ovulation signs.  

I answered above on why we haven't had any testing done. 

Thanks for the luck.  I think we are going to need more than that unfortunately, but it's not to have good thoughts.

*Bloom2be*

I have never had much of a drive to begin with, but definitely struggled even more when we were TTC.  It's hard when you are undiagnosed or unexplained (as we were sorta ..) since you always have in the back of your mind that 'this might be it' .. it just takes the fun out of it. 

I don't really have much advice for how to deal with it ...only thing I can suggest is to do it anyways even if you don't feel like it (then again, I don't even take my own advice .. haha)

I hope you are able to find some answers soon .. IF sucks

MrsH_08

Just thought I'd chime in and agree that TTC took away the (very minimal amount of) sex drive, after several months of no results.  It just became work and we'd only do a few quickies each month, around O time.  They were usually: not fun, very planned, included using PreSeed, and ended with me me spending 15-30 mins with my hips elevated afterward. 

Before diagnosis, we did have the "what if this month it works?" hopefulness, some times.  I don't think we had "fun" TTC-ing after maybe the 3rd month.

I'm sorry you guys are in this position and I agree that IF just sucks!!