Postpartum Depression
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I haven't even had the baby and I'm already depressed
I am currently 14 weeks pregnant with my first child and I am absolutely miserable.I have been sick everyday for the past 3 months,I can't sleep,and I just don't know how I am going to get through this.I got pregnant having sex the first time with a new boyfriend.I know we should have used protection,but we didn't and obviously it resulted in the most extreme case.Now I feel not only physically strained,but mentally depressed about the whole situation.I barely know the babies' father and vise versa.I have seen this happen so much and I never thought it would be me in this situation.I have worked so hard to achieve what I have now only to have my life be more of a challenge everyday with a new baby and relationship that is hanging on by a thread.I don't believe in abortion.I don't think I have the right to give up my child's life over the bad decisions I have made.Now though,all I can think about it how my child will feel knowing I didn't love his/her father when I conceived him/her and I don't want my child to have any problems growing up.I want him/her to be happy and have everything I didn't.I just don't think I can do all of this.When or how will I know what the right answers are?Is there anyway I will be able to get through this?Is there anyone out there that knows how I feel.
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Re: I haven't even had the baby and I'm already depressed
Big ((( HUGS ))) to you. I didn't go through this myself, but my sister did.
She got pregnant by someone she didn't know very well. They worked together & just "hooked up" one night and viola - 9 months later, my niece was born. My sister was in such denial that she didn't tell anyone until she gave birth. She was going to give her up for adoption and never tell anyone. Then, of couse she connected with her daughter and kept her.
We all supported her. My niece just turned 20 last week. It wasn't always easy, but she was definitely loved.
I hope you have family support even if you don't necessarily have BF's support. It's a hard situation. Even if you plan for a baby it's tough.
Big (((( HUGS )))))
I've never been in your situation, but I was depressed when I was pregnant. Both times, in fact. With my first, my DS, it was actually relatively opposite to your situation. My DH and I had gotten pregnant somewhat unexpectedly, then I had a miscarriage. I was devastated, and got even more-so when it took us almost a year to get pg again. I started going to therapy after 8 or 9 months of unsuccessfully TTC, and decided I was "better" when I was like 3 months pg, so I stopped going.
Anyway, long story short, I wasn't "better", I was just in some sort of emotional denial. When DS was born, I got thrown back into depression, and it took me a long time to accept it. By the time I finally did, I was pregnant again and terrified of having 2u2. I got back into therapy, but I had already missed out on so much of DS' life due to my depression. I'm still working on developing a bond with him that didn't form in his early months because of it. The moral of my story and the point of my sharing it is to encourage you to seek counseling right now, while you're still relatively early on in your pregnancy. You are up against a lot, and I really think it would help you to talk everything through with a therapist. I can't tell you how much therapy has helped me. I've been going since I was like 6 months pregnant with my 2nd, and she's 3.5 months now. The difference in me now compared to then is night and day.
Also, I have to tell you how much I respect and admire you for the decision you made. Having a baby is scary enough when it's in the most ideal of situations, so I can't imagine how scared you must be now when you're not in your ideal situation. Tons of love and prayers to you.
This is my first time posting on this board but have lurked almost my entire pregnancy. Your story could not be any closer to mine. I had my entire life "planned" out, started seeing a new boyfriend, after a few drinks one night we had unprotected sex on my off week of nuvaring. I ended up pregnant and everything that was planned was now ruined. I was so devistated in the beginning thinking how could I have gotten pregnant by someone I do not know and nowhere near love. Bringing that into a relationship was hard. Sadly our relationship did not make it past the half way point of the pregnancy, but thats a different story. Just please learn how your partner communicates and let him learn yours as well in order to make this pregnancy a happy one.
As of now I feel better about the baby and I am happy. I do still get depressed when I think about how I could have prevented this but I am going along with what everyone keeps saying. This child is a gift you were given for a reason. Just try and take day by day and talk to your obgyn about how your feeling. He/She may reccomend a therapist for you to talk to. I know it personally helped me because I couldnt open up to the babys father. I would cry and he would just stare at me like I was a complete idiot. What was so hard for me was to get over "needing" someone there. I felt like I just thought and thought and thought which made things worse. Once the baby started kicking and I knew the sex I could start the nursery and all those negative thoughts went away. I hope you can pull through this feeling and I hope you have a great pregnancy.
Let me just say, that I have wanted a baby for years-major maternal instincts and so when I got married it was so hard to wait and give myself a chance to bond with my husband. After a year, I couldn't wait anymore (DH is older than I am by 10 yrs, so I didn't want to wait TOO long anyway).
In the first trimester, I was SOO ill that it felt impossible to be happy about what was happening inside of me. When you feel like you are literally DYING physically, its hard to feel good emotionally. Everyone kept saying it will get better in the second trimester, and I wanted to believe that was true. There were times I thought that if I weren't pregnant, I would really be tempted to think about suicide-that's how miserable the sickness was.
The 2nd trimester came, and my symptoms vanished around 14-15 weeks. I started showing my belly, people started fawning over it, I got to look forward to the 20wk ultrasound, start putting together the nursery, all the fun stuff. I felt like I was floating on clouds-and got so excited (again) to be a mom.
I tell you this, because even my husband told me, "I thought you really wanted a kid? And now (1st tri) it seems like you are really miserable about the whole thing?" He finally understood that it was being sick that I couldn't stand. So, take your feelings with a grain of salt-because maybe when you're feeling better this whole situation will be seen in a whole new light. I understand you are still warming up to the whole unexpectedness of it, but that will be a whole lot easier when you have 100 ppl a day telling you how adorable your baby bump is and have you thought of names and what can I make the baby.
Hang in there-I wish you the best!