Need advice please... bedtime is suddenly a nightmare (for me!)

soon2bmrsstarfish

I need some sage advice from parents who have had success reversing bad bedtime behavior that was a sudden onset.

 My 3 yr old DD has been in her toddler bed since she was 2.5 and has gone to bed without problems since up until 3 weeks ago.

She suddenly has extreme separation anxiety issues and doesn't want me to go to work, leave the house to go to the gym and most importantly - doesn't want me to leave her room after I tuck her in at night.

We have not changed bedtime routine at all and she all of a sudden claims she is afraid of dark, of being alone and me leaving. 

I don't know how to reassure her/placate her without feeding into her pleas.  She wants more hugs/kisses/a backrub/a story/a toy/etc. and if I refuse and try to walk away, it results in a full blown meltdown complete with hysterical crying, foot stomping, blocking her doorway so I can't leave her room and to the point where she almost throws up.

After her tantrum (usually an hour long) I can get her to stop crying and get in bed to sleep.  I am very worried that she is creating a habit for herself and feels like she can't get to sleep without going through this.

I have tried sitting on the floor of her room, bribing her with a reward in the morning if we have a good bedtime and to no avail.

Please, please tell me something to try because everything I have been reading chalks this up to a phase and I just can't take the emotional toll this has on me and "ride it out".

TY!

BackBayGrrl

Hm, we have nights that are harder than others. Does your DD have a "lovey"/stuffed animal she sleeps with? Maybe go out on a special date to buy her a "guard dog" or some such that will keep her safe when she goes to sleep.

When DH and I find ourselves challenged w/ bedtime stuff we remember a Supernanny episode we saw years ago, where she just kept putting the child back in the room and leaving, without talking/responding (after the first good night and one time responding, saying "it's time for bed" only). After a night or two of this it's back to normal.

GL, they're certainly the age for pushing us! 

bunny731

BackBayGrrl:

Hm, we have nights that are harder than others. Does your DD have a "lovey"/stuffed animal she sleeps with? Maybe go out on a special date to buy her a "guard dog" or some such that will keep her safe when she goes to sleep.

When DH and I find ourselves challenged w/ bedtime stuff we remember a Supernanny episode we saw years ago, where she just kept putting the child back in the room and leaving, without talking/responding (after the first good night and one time responding, saying "it's time for bed" only). After a night or two of this it's back to normal.

GL, they're certainly the age for pushing us! 

This is good advice.

Stacyc625

i posted something similar-

go over to the SAHM board and look for bedtime drama- great suggestions in there.

Stickers worked WONDERS for us-

futrkingsley

Have you tried asking her what happened?  Is it possible something that seems ordinary to you but was scary for her happened prior to the start of this new behavior.  If she'd never given you trouble at bedtime or other separations, I'd be really worried.

For my kid, who has rarely had an easy transition to sleep, I'd chalk it up to more of the same, but it sounds like it's really out of the ordinary for your kid so I'd investigate further.

ilovemygirls

3yo are notorious for their crazy imaginations.  So nothing probably "happened" to cause this, but rather she is going through a developmental stage.  My (now) 4yo who has always been a great sleeper started all that when she was about 3.5.  I think it's important to reassure them but still stick to the most normal routine you can.  Mine also didn't want me to leave her in her room at night, scared of the dark, talking about 'scary dreams' before she even went to sleep. 

One thing that helped was leaving the light up a little brighter in her room (she has a dimmer) and telling her that I'd rub her back for 5min (or whatever it was that she wanted that particular night).  Once I was done with that, I'd tell her I'd be back to check on her in a little bit, reassure her that mommy/daddy/sis were all here in the house and we all loved her, etc.  Some nights were better than others- it def. came & went for awhile- but now at 4 she's back to her old self.  Good luck- it is very frustrating. 

mbritto4

Is she ready for a big girl bed?  My DD has been in a twin since a little before her third birthday and has slept better in it than she did in her toddler bed, likely because she has more room. 

DD went thru a phase where she claimed scary things were in her room, we'd have our hound walk around her room and "scare things away" from her closet and under her bed. 

June246

Maybe you can try a noise machine? We have this one that has also a projector and my daughter likes to look at the pictures before she falls asleep. 

https://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?SKU=14643125