Please Help: Toddler's Adjustment

lindzed

My 22 month old son is not adjusting well at all to our new baby girl.  I have tried ignorning the screaming fits (per the advice from our pedi) and given him lots of extra special attention, but none of this seems to be working.  He screams everytime he sees her especially if his Dad is holding her.  If she makes the slightest noise he screams more.  I've explained babies cry, shown him she's not hurt, done basically everything I can think of.  Please help.  With the lack of sleep and running around my house trying to keep the baby from crying so he doesn't lose it, I'm really starting to go crazy.

roundtheworldgirl

Give it some time.  DD1 had a hard adjustment, too.  I'd say it took about a month for her to really adjust.  Do you have friends or family around who can come over or take your DS out for some one-on-one time?  That really helped us in the beginning.  Now DD1 adores her little sister.

lindzed

Thanks for the advice.  I have a babysitter who comes in a few days a week to just play with DS (she came before the baby while I worked from home) and he does much better when she is here.  My parents are also willing to take DS anytime for a few days.  I was actually woried that letting him go away with them was just postponing the problem (even though it was making my life easier for a little bit) so its great to know that it actually helped your DD.  Also good to know that it really will get better.  I am seriously begining to wonder if it ever will be better.  I was ready for the lack of sleep and baby having issues, but I was not ready for my DS to take this os badly. 

roundtheworldgirl

lindzed:

Thanks for the advice.  I have a babysitter who comes in a few days a week to just play with DS (she came before the baby while I worked from home) and he does much better when she is here.  My parents are also willing to take DS anytime for a few days.  I was actually woried that letting him go away with them was just postponing the problem (even though it was making my life easier for a little bit) so its great to know that it actually helped your DD.  Also good to know that it really will get better.  I am seriously begining to wonder if it ever will be better.  I was ready for the lack of sleep and baby having issues, but I was not ready for my DS to take this os badly. 

We actually had DD1 staying with my parents for the first week of DD2's life.  We did not plan it that way, but I had a pp hemorrhage and lost a lot of blood.  DH had his hands full taking care of me and the baby.  Plus DD1 got very sick with a high fever and everything.  It absolutely killed me to have her taken away from us but I honestly don't know what we would have done without my parents.  I still tear up when I think about it, but she clearly doesn't remember and is such a happy little kid.  She can't go more than 10 minutes without kissing the baby.  It's so cute.

Nanna

Give it time.  It took about 3 weeks of rotten behavior before things turned around for us.  What helped the most was one-on-one time with the kiddo AWAY from the house.  Special time with him while his sibs were napping and whatnot didn't seem to help - it was special trips with just me or my DH (random stuff like running to the store) away from everyone else that made the biggest difference.