I'm having a bad day. I love adoption and that we have the chance to experience it, but I really mourn the chance to get to TTC and plan our family. The majority of my friends are pregnant right now or have just had babies and I am surrounded by family planning talk and discussion of how far apart they want to space their children, birth plans and nursery planning, etc.
It frustrates me to no end that I have absolutely zero control over how far apart our children will be spaced, and not only that, I also have no control over how they are treated in utero. All I can do is pray and beg God to send me a baby in His perfect timing and pray that s/he will be treated well in utero and that we will be blessed with another wonderful relationship and not go through the heartbreak of another failed placement.
I'm sad that we can't find or afford an agency who we feel is completely in line with our adoption ideals and we have to wait for a birthparent to find us and pick us. And I'm just sad at the thought of our sweet girl being an only child.
It's just a poor me/why me kind of day. Thank you all for being so supportive and listening to me when I whine. I really really appreciate it.