Need to get this out to someone who can relate

futuremrs.inman

First a little update...B was 2 weeks old yesterday and she is doing really well. She was down almost a pound at her first pedi visit (3 days old). We went for a weight check 3 days later and she had gained 5 oz. We went back for another weight check Monday and she was 4 oz over her birth weight! She had gained 2 oz shy of a pound in just a week! This of course is a result of her breastfeeding like crazy which is the main reason for this post.

I'm having a lot of trouble with feelings of resentment toward DH and I feel like it's a lost cause to keep talking to him about it because there really isn't anything he can do besides listen. I just feel like I'm having to sacrifice so much and he gets to keep living his life and doing things as normal. I sacrifice sleeping, eating, getting things done around the house, going to the bathroom when I want, going out of the house when I want, and doing things/spending time with C. That last one is what really has me upset. I can go without sleeping and eating, and housework can pile up around me...but it is breaking my heart to have C come ask me to play with him and I can't because I'm nursing B. He's doing really good with her and it's really cute to see him love on her but I feel so bad that I can't interact with him much or get him drinks or snacks when he asks for them.

I love that BFing is going so well since I had so much trouble with C and ended up EPing, but I feel like a prisoner to it. I feel like I'm stuck on the couch with B attached to me and can't do anything else. All the while DH is free to do whatever he wants when he wants. Ugh.

Ok, that's enough. Just needed to get that out to you ladies because I know you can relate, unlike DH. I don't really expect anything from him. He can't help that he doesn't have boobs. It's just frustrating to feel like I'm the only one sacrificing so much.

Missbollinger

And you know it doesn't last forever.  She will go longer between feeds, their nap schedules won't ever be the same so when she naps you will be able to spend time with C.  I had these anxieties when i was pregnant with DD and DS2 wasn't even 2 yet.  Now we have time in the morning while DD naps, we 'do' breakfast together.  Feeds are 5 minutes long and DS2 and I can talk, read or just enjoy one another's company.  It's tough when you add another being into the mix but it just takes time for everything to 'settle' into a somewhat routine and C maybe demanding attention but that has as much to do with a new sibling to contend with as the lack of time you have for him now.  The good thing is you can still interact with him while you are parked on the couch with a baby attached, get him to bring you a book and you can read to him while you nurse.   And yes you are right, as mother's we sacrifice a lot, it is disproportionate and even though we strive for equality it is always more equal for men than it is for women.  (I truly believe this and have just read this in my FSW book on parent-child relations).

Another thing you can do is ask DH to spend more time with C.   He has more time and he doesn't need to be attached to B as much so I would just ask him to spend extra time with him.  It will only be another week or two you will have a little more time and hands free time.  Hang in there momma, you are doing a fantastic job!

JenRose05

I felt this way, exactly this way, when Nathan was born. I found wearing my hotsling allowed me to walk around and BF at the same time, it was a little harder than it is now because he was just getting the hang of it all but it did the trick when I felt like I was glued to the baby. HUGS and thats awesome she is doing so well! Thumbs up for all that you do for your children too, breastfeeding is just as complicated as it is rewarding, especially in the beginning stages. At 6 weeks, things were running so smoothly. We all found our routines and nursing wasn't painful...it makes for a much happier mama

CincyBride08

I could have written this word for word about 6 weeks ago. Actually there are still days when I resent DH because he can just do whatever he wants most days and I'm left to care for the baby. It does get easier when they get a bit older. Once she's on more of a schedule or you can read her cues a little better you'll have more time to spend with C. Plus her feedings will start to spread out a bit which helps.

What helped with my resentment towards DH was telling him about it. He then pitched it a bit more with helping around the house, getting me water/food when I was stuck on the couch.

Hang in there Momma! You're doing a great job! It will get easier soon.

teacherjess

I think this is fairly common at this stage. Right now, B is relying on you for so much, and so your DH is probably figuring that he obviously can't help with feeding....but what he does need to do is pick up the slack. Honestly, if you are feeding and taking care of B and getting up with her, then he needs to do the housework. I know your pain because my DH only does housework if I literally stand over a pile of dirty dishes and explicitly state that he should rinse them, load the dishwasher, then unload them when they are done, etc. Could you make a list of things that he could work on when he finds himself with free time? DH always seems to find himself with free time, and while I end up doing laundry, cleaning, etc. during free time, he thinks of it as video game time. If you can somehow get him to see that when he's got free time, he needs to use it to help you, it might cut down on some of the hostility.

GL-- hopefully once she goes longer between feeds, it will be easier!

KittahMama

I remember about that time getting really resentful of DH.  He didn't have to wake up and feed the baby and it seemed like she was on the boob ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT.  It really ticked me off that he couldn't help feed her and she was solely reliant upon me.

I think I even said something to him and his response was something like "well it isn't my fault, blame God.. he's the one that made you have boobs and not me".  It made me want to slap him.  thinking back- I should have!  But he was being all practical and I was being sleep deprived.

It got better.  Once she started taking longer stretches and naps, it got better.

I'm sorry you are missing time with your other LO.  That is my big worry about our second one coming.. how to you juggle two little ones needing love/attention/affection/time with you?

Thinking of you!